So I’m writing this now really contemplating if I’m ready to go into detail about my testimony. I will try my best to make this short. lol! Key word is try! **The names mentioned in this note has been changed to protect the identities of the people**
Here is a little background: “Joe” and I was in a relationship from the time I was 19-22. We dated from 2007 to 2011. We met in high school and we good friends. We lost contact after he graduated and we reconnected in 2006. We started dating in January 2007. Broke up in January 2008 (I broke up w/ him), we got back together October 2008 and broke up again July 2011 (he broke up with me). The 1st yr of our relationship, I was a bit immature. I didn’t know what it was to love. I backslided from church. I got involved in sex..I lost my virginity to Joe. In January 2008, I repented and went back to God. I was celibate. In May 2008, I moved from Montgomery to Auburn because I transferred to a new school. Joe and I reconnected again. He was still hurt from us being broke up. We became friends again and were friends w/ benefits until we got back together in October. In between that time, I was part of love triangle that I will not discuss.
Moving forward….Last yr, my ex-boyfriend “Joe” and I broke up the end of the July. He broke up with me. It was very devastating to me. Around that time, I moved out my old apt and moved back home w/ my mom for a month due to financial problems. Before I moved out my old apt, I signed a lease for a new apt which I would move in September. I started my new job in August of last yr. While I was at home, Joe and I still remained in contact w/ each other and we still talked everyday. In September, I moved in my new apt. I thought that with me moving back in the city that Joe and I would get back together but things didn’t happen that way. Joe and I went from being broken up to being friends w/ benefits. It was cool at first but then I had a wake up call.
“Quincy” came into my life in October and me and him became good friends. Sometime around October/November asked me if I was happy. I replied told him I wasn’t. I told him that being friends w/ benefits with Joe wasn’t making me happy and also not being a relationship w/ Joe wasn’t making me happy. It took a while for me to get the courage to tell Joe that I didn’t want to be friends w/ benefits with him anymore. At first Joe was cool about it but then things “hit the fan”. I saw another side of Joe. He was angry that I broke off the friends w/ benefits relationship. He would tell me things such as “I had access to him w/o having a relationship, I didn’t utilize my time”/ “He was going to get back w/ me but I messed it up b/c one the day I told him that I didn’t want to be friends w/ benefits w/ him”. I told him that I wanted to remain friends w/ him but he told me he couldn’t be friends w/ me if we couldn’t be friends w/ benefits. He didn’t want to lose our relationship. That tore my heart when he told me that. I cried so hard that night.
I had asked God to heal me, help me, and deliver me. November and December was really hard for me because Joe and I went back and forth discussing our relationship and the friends w/ benefits situation. I had at one point told Joe about himself and confronted him about how he was selfish, controlling, and a manipulator. I gave him examples of how he was those things but he denied everything that I mentioned to him. I’m glad I had Quincy in my life to tell me what Joe would do next everytime I would confront him with something. I’m thankful to have friends to help me get through the situation. In December, Joe and I talked and put things to rest.
There is more to our relationship than what I’ve discussed but I just wanted to focus on last yr events and a little bit of the background. I know what its like to be verbally abused, to have your self-esteem torn down, to be broken, have family members of an ex to dislike you for whatever reasons, to have low self-esteem, and what its like to settle. Now I can honestly say that I’m happy w/ the decision that I made to break off the friends w/ benefits relationship.
The last time I had sex was in November last yr. I’m waiting until marriage to have sex again. Sex is not one of things I thought I would do before I was married. However, it was something that kept me bound for a while. It was one of those things I felt like I had to do in my relationship with my ex Joe in order to make him happy but even when I did do it w/ Joe he wouldn’t be satisfied. Most of the time when I had sex I wasn’t into it and it would be painful after it was over.
I think its crazy how my life has changed since last yr. I’m now in a relationship w/ Quincy who makes me happy. I fell in love w/ him in November last yr and got in a relationship w/ him in January this yr. I didn’t plan to be another relationship, it just happened that way. I think its funny how he came into my life because I didn’t know him. We started talking on FB and I wasn’t really trying to talk to any dudes at the time time because of what I had going on. I told him my situation and he told me truth about my relationship at a time that I didn’t want to hear it (I was very in love with Joe other people told me the truth too). My relationship wasn’t what I thought it was and like I said earlier when things hit the fan between Joe and I, I saw the real side of Joe and then knew how he really felt about me. I was close to being on the road to bitterness until one night my homegirl prayed for me. It took a while for me to heal and get over my hurt.
Earlier this yr, I pledged Theta Phi Sigma Christian Sorority, Inc. The org has helped me grow a lot spiritually and have a better walk w/ God. I have tons of sorors that look out for me and are there when I need them (especially for prayer!)! I think its ironic that my line name is Restored! I’m a lot stronger spiritually than I was a couple of months ago! My Heavenly Inspired Sisters also help me! They are the writers on this blog! =)
I want to also mention that during my situation, I had wrote myself a note of what kind of things that I deserved from a man/relationship (positive things of course). I want to encourage someone that is going through what I’ve been through is that you can be delivered! I’m a living testimony of that!! You have to cry out to God and ask him to help you! Also repent! There will be times where you might want to go back to your lifestyle (trust me I had that experience) but ask God to give you the strength to not return! Trust me when I say that Satan will attack you because of your decision not to sin and be involved in your old lifestyle! Be ready and stay prayed up! You will need support during your situation! You can’t get through anything alone!
I hope this note, blesses someone! It was hard for me to write this because this is so open! I had to really ask God to help me write this. I know some ppl will be shocked by my story but I’m human..I’m not perfect. I’ve made mistakes and done things that I’m not proud of! All I can do is repent and not make the same mistakes! I’m doing my best to stay on the right path with God and not go back to the “old me”.