I really wanted to submit a video but due to some technical difficulties, that will have to wait for next week. I have been doing pretty good with my health goal. Lots of activity and healthy food. I am on loseit.com to help with that. I am down 12 pounds for the month.
I have been struggling with a division within my family and it has been the focus of my thoughts, prayers, and Bible studies lately. I want to fix it but I do not know how to make that happen. When it is a personal conflict it is much simpler to resolve. This one involves my children. I am a mother first and I put up boundaries to keep my kids safe from not just physical but emotional harm as well. I work hard to forgive fully but I have to keep up those boundaries. That can be so confusing and stressful.
I have not always had support from the entire family where my adoptions are concerned. I have been asked by family members not to adopt certain children on 3 occasions. That bothers me, but I try to listen out of respect. Two times it was because of the race of my children. Once it was due to behavior issues. Let me go back. I was raised in a Christian household. Not perfect but very spiritually enriching. I felt a calling to be an adoptive parent since my preteen years. I knew that someday, I would. My husband and I made our decisions prayerfully, together and also with our pastor’s consultation for one of the adoptions. God sent each of my children to me. I knew instinctively that this was my child. I have loved all of the children that came through our home, but I knew which ones were meant to stay. I do not know how to explain it any better than the first time you feel that bond with a child born to you biologically. It is undeniable. I have given birth and adopted and it is just as strong. An unbreakable connection where you know you would die to save them without any hesitation. That being said it just kills me that some of the same people who have contributed to my spiritual journey, cannot support where it has taken me to. How can you love me and not my sons and daughters. I want to stop here and say that most of my family is supportive and loving. I am richly blessed so thankful for them all. I just feel so tripped up by the shards of disharmony of a few of my loved ones.
I am trying to move past this and push it out of my mind so I can better do the work God puts in front of me each day. I have been reading my Bible more often than I have in years. I see similar and much worse things have happened to a lot of God’s people. Discriminated against, threatened, cut off from family. I admire the way they stayed the course and waited on God. Some of them did seem to get in their own way trying to fix it themselves. I am inadequate to do this alone. He always makes a way where there isn’t any way at all. That’s what I have come away with this week. I am waiting on Him to show me the way to work this out and get some peace. I know He will. He always has.
My Uncomfort Zone- I, without any skills at all, played 3 back to back softball games in a tournament today. It helped to raise money for foster kids in my area. My kids were those kids at one time. My kids also came out and cheered us on. We all had a good time making a difference as a family and the kids got to see a lot of their former case workers. I played on the Guardian ad Litem team. My mother and I both volunteer with them. For those who don’t know, they are not on the State’s side or the parent’s side in court. They only represent the best interest of the child. They are the judges eyes and ears and they helped my kids. They are always looking for volunteers if anyone of you would like to make a difference in a foster child’s life. Anyway, It was a long day and I embarrassed myself, but it was so much fun. Have a blessed week everyone. Pam