Celebrating 23 years

This was a very hard post to do. To be honest… I deleted it because I was scared… of opinions, of course. Though I hate talking about this aspect of my life, I am sure that there are other people out there struggling with the same thing. The only way I am going to get over this is to talk about it. Love requires vulnerability. I DON’T do vulnerability, at least not to the point where I cry in front of people or admit my love for them. Maybe that’s why I have not been very receptive of God’s love or any real relationship for that matter (though I am beginning to these days). But when you love someone, you are willing to move hell and high water for them. You are willing to change for that person. Love is an emotional roller coaster, especially when you fight against the very person you are in a relationship with. I have to learn trust, I have to have confidence that God will do what He said He will do. And I have to change from my old habits of being a so-called “Independent Woman.” I’m in a relationship now and I have to depend on God to take care of me. I fought like tooth and nails since giving my life to Christ. I wanted things to go my way. BUT because He loved me so much, He let me have my way all the way up until this point. To let me see that a life without love and partnership with Him is not a life worth living. I can honestly say how true that statement is, because through all of my accomplishments I would still feel empty inside. I need to be more receptive of God’s love. I have to surrender my own ideas and follow God’s plan. Wow! I have a lot to learn about relationships and true love. Okay Lord, if you want me to be joyous in this waiting season, I will! If you want me to share this story about the importance of vulnerability, I will. Not because I want to or because I love you. I am doing it because you love me! This is the least I can do to show my appreciation for not giving up on me. This stubborn, hard-headed little girl is sorry!

  1. #1 by Kelly Diane Cromer on September 19, 2011 - 8:22 pm

    I’m sending you love B! XOXO 😀 You are so brave. I am proud of you.

  2. #2 by Kelly Diane Cromer on September 19, 2011 - 8:28 pm

    That’s so cool that your prayer talked about asking God to ‘cleanse our hearts’ and purify our souls. I’ve been praying the same thing for about a month now. It just feels like the right thing to pray so I find myself going back to that phrase even when I’m trying to pray about something else.

  3. #3 by Annalisa on September 19, 2011 - 9:59 pm

    I love you Beyondai! You are a beautiful woman, with an amazing spirit. Believe that you are a winner despite your circumstances, you have already won! I was blessed by your story and I thank you for sharing it. Love you girlie!

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