This week has been a struggle with no time for myself. I still have the injury from last weeks softball game plus a few more. We are in the middle of a move so I cannot rest and let it heal. I am in almost constant pain and I am trying to correct what I think is a potassium deficiency. When I get done with this move I am going straight to the doctor. I have done badly on my diet also. I denyed myself so much to push through this week that I did not limit my calories at all. This is a trap that I get stuck in alot. Temporary self-neglect becomes long term. I cannot let that happen this time. I am also struggling with my limitations. When other people have problems, I take ownership of the work that needs to get done. I give my energy, money, and precious little free time. If I say no, there is this incredible guilt that I heap onto myself. Even though rationally I know better, I feel that if I do not do this I am not worthy of said persons friendship. This anxiety is not healthy or productive. This is probably how I have become such a multitasker. It takes the joy out of giving when it is motivated by fear of abandonment. This week I said no to someone I love. I just did not have a way to give what they needed. I felt that same guilt and fear creeping in to steal my joy. Then I took it to God and I gave it to Him. After a while I realized that this person was asking for something that really would not have solved their problem. Then I started feeling relieved that I had not been in a position to help. If there had been a way, I would have taken this problem on without realizing the fruitlessness of it. I get involved in things that are just too much for me without going to God first. Huge mistake! I need a big caution sign to pop up and stop me I guess. My bible reading has mostly happened in the car this week while waiting for the kids to get out of school. I have set up a recycle sorting center in our new house to help with the environmental goals. I also added a few plants but only have written plans so far of the entire garden. I am not quite ready to tackle the rest of my goals yet. I am glad God is patient with me while I am trying to grow and change. I could not get through a day without needing strength from Him.
Uncomfort Zone: I went to a group discussion between members of AUM’s Gay Straight Alliance and members of the Christian community. It was called Transforming the Conversation and about 70 people attended. There were some amazing and powereful stories about pain, rejection, God’s love and triumph. There was just too much to recap but I will say that no matter our differences we need to love everyone the way God does. Unconditionally. Otherwise we are cheating others and ourselves out of what God has in store for us. Have a blessed and transforming week. Pam