Archive for October, 2011
SO… I realize my first vlog might be a little lengthy so I have decided to post my Rad7even goals..and then Kinda go into what has been going on
- Follow every prompting of the Holy Spirit– This has been fairly simple, but I’ve had a few times when I was close to not listening. As I’ve stated I am a debater. I am passionate about soooo many things and it is extremely difficult for me to keep quite about things that mean something to me. The last few weeks at my job I’ve had some debates..nothing too serious but enough for Beyondai to really get on me about being so argumentative. My main mission is so people understand what I am saying..you don’t have to agree with me, but I hate for people to misconstrue what i am in fact saying. SO when things were getting intense I just walked away. I see sometimes no matter how I try to show how I feel without making the other person feel judged it’s not always possible. So the next best thing..let it go.
- Do it afraid– well I applied for a new position and that was extremely scary for me. i loved my job! I actually enjoyed going to work everyday. I worked with an amazing staff and the most talented teens ever, but there was no security. My position might have been picked up…or it might not and it was just a huge risk for me to stay (although I really wanted too). I knew that if an opportunity came along that I should at least see what was being offered. I was offered an amazing opportunity to expand my goal of helping people. 🙂
- Try new experiences on purpose-Dating..enough said lol. I have stayed away from dating for almost two years. I’ve semi-dated but never really got back into the swing of things. Mostly because I have a standard (go back and read confessions of a catlady) and I don’t have a high tolerance for lames or games. But I realize that I can’t stay hidden away forever…so out to the dating world I went..and so far…I am still unsure of the water LOL.. updates coming.
- Do your best even when it seems failure is near-SO..i had a midterm, a 15-20 page term paper due and a final all in the same week and just two days apart….yeah…lol the mid term study guide literally had 66 questions (vocab,short answer and essay) and my son was sick that week so I didn’t get a chance to look at the study guide until two days before the freaking test..I had been reading (maybe not as much as I could have) so I wasnt sweating until I saw the study guide. I mean really! LOL I was like man, I am SO gonna bomb the heck out of this test, BUT I thought about my rad7even goals and just beasted through those last days. Went over 88 percent of the chapters and also all his notes..so I went in…positive and came out *drum roll please* with a B LOL. I would have made an A if I had answered the questions with a bit more detail..that makes me feel AMAZING. My first mid term in grad school and I had the potential to make an A..hello! praise God..I also learned a valuable lesson-stop freaking procrastinating.. ugh!
- Force my mind to focus on positive outcomes- Well my midterm was a big test for me…and also thinking/believing this new position is something God ordained and something that HE will equip me to do..and do well.
- Learn a minimum of one new activity or idea– Still trying to figure out what I wanna learn. I am thinking about being more self sufficient, growing my own foods, learning how to sew. IDK just yet, but something along those lines.
- Read Daily/Question Daily -This is simple for me. LOL I have always questioned things. I have always been an avid reader..the bigger problem is being a finisher. I have started about 4 books (no lie) since August and I have read several chapters but not finished one book! its so annoying and I really wanna work on my commitment to finishing not just the books, but personal growth
Anywho, I start the new job tomorrow. I am still amazed that my transition happened so quickly. October has been the month of change for me for the past three years. Something Life altering always happens IDK why, but it does. Also like I stated earlier I am dating and I see my nueroticsim is at an all time high. See I am the Go get ’em girl. Anything I see I work hard to get it. If I wanted a relationship I let it be known and shortly thereafter boom relationship, I’ve never played games or hid my feelings or not been like look you like me I like you..why arent we together. AND honestly I think that’s what’s been getting me in trouble. Leaping and not looking and not really letting the guy be the guy. Truth is, I trust me and me alone even in relationships. Not that I believe the guy will cheat on me..but more so that I don’t trust the guy to take care of things: my emotions, needs, wants etc. It leaves you vulnerable to someone not doing their part! And I don’t do vulnerable..I do strength and planning and all those things.
But what I am learning is those things, those attributes that I saw as weakness is actually a strength. Letting someone you care about…actually care about you back is a strength. Love endures all things, covers all things…but if you are the only one enduring and covering..how can the other person express their love to you? In fact, it is disrepectful to them to not let them be there for you. It’s hurtful. And I didn’t realize how many people I hurt by pushing them away..I never understood what they meant by: you are never weak. I took that to mean they were looking for an opportunity to get me, but now I see they were looking for an opportunity to somehow fit in my life. If I have everything, do everything…no one can share my life with me, because they are only on the sidelines…and that’s not what I want…SO..here’s to letting the right man “coach” me through life.
Renee` aka Ms. Boss
This week has been challenging to me mentally and emotionally. It seems like the past few weeks has been that way. This week I had to fight to keep my off day on Friday (yesterday). i have Fridays and Saturdays off. Earlier this week my primary job wanted me to work from 2:30p.m. to 9:30p.m. on Friday. At first I told them I would, then I thought about it and told them that I didn’t want to work because I work almost a 12 hrs shift on Sundays. I told them I need my rest. Well they didn’t like me telling them no. One of the managers commented that I was lucky just to have Saturdays off..Idk what that suppose to mean. Anywho they ended up letting me have Friday off.
On Thursday, my other job texted me and told me I was on the schedule to work for the game on Saturday (today’s football game). i didn’t sign up to work the game but they put me on the schedule anyway. I had to contact them and tell them I couldn’t work because of the long shift I work on Sundays. They didn’t like me telling them no either. I work Sundays-Thursdays w/ my primary job and working on my off days would really would be pushing it. I’m learning to tell my employers “no”. I’m usually the one that my primary job contacts when they are short on help or when someone calls out. I don’t mind doing it some of the time but I can’t do it all the time. I’m learning that its okay to say no to people. I’m only one person and I can’t do everything. Rest is important and if you don’t get rest like you should you can end up being sick or being a sleepyhead zombie lol. I hoping next yr by the fall to have new job that is more related to my field. I feel like work too hard for so little pay. I really don’t like that feeling. Yes, I’m thankful to have a job but I rather be doing something else..a job that makes me happy! lol!
Anwyho not only did I have to deal w/ my job but I had mini arguments or you could say misunderstandings w/ people I really care about and love. That took a toil on me. When things happen like that, I take it hard. Next week, will be a trying week for me. For those of you who know me, you should already know whats coming up..If not, I will tell you soon…lol..I’m just hoping that the outcome of the situation will be good. A part of me is nervous because I don’t know the outcome. I know that I have to have faith and believe that God will work everything out with that situation.
OAS: I would really like to say to all the Radical7even ladies, that I’m so HAPPY for the breakthroughs that has been going on! I’m really inspired by everyone! Hearing everyone praise reports, lets me know that mine as well as some us who hasn’t any breakthroughs yet, that they are on the way! We just have to have FAITH! LOVE YOU ALL!!`
I HATED high school. I suffered from manic depression caused by a thyroid disorder. It wasn’t till my junior year that I was diagnosed and was able to get my life under control. I felt better; I had confidence. I cut my hair short and (Spoiler!) dyed it red. I started dressing in clothing that flattered my body, and I started to smile. I remember having lots of fun with my closest friends but not enjoying the times when we were separated. I was a Teenybopper in high school and was in love with the wrong guy. I was always picked on because I was both smart and socially awkward. I, like every teenager, have just gotten better with age.
So as my ten year reunion was coming up, I was in turns both excited and dreading the event. It was $40 dollars in downtownMontgomeryto see people that made fun of me and didn’t appreciate me growing up. I was already told that my best friend wasn’t going (I was so sad; no Romy and Michele moments for us!), and many of the people I was looking forward tot seeing weren’t going. But I planned on going anyway. Then I had to buy a new car. The down payment and insurance killed me finically, and I accidentally missed the due date for the money. I wasn’t going; that was the end of that. God had spoken.
A few weeks later, I receive an e-mail saying everything had changed. It would be $25 and was now at Quail Walk in Wetumpka. The price was reasonable and the venue only five minutes away from my house. It seems God meant to go. I got excited. I looked through pictures. I made a play list of the high school songs. I bought a hot new shirt and amazing shoes. I was ready.
Then the Friday before rolled around, and suddenly, I was less excited. Then on Saturday, I didn’t want to go. The Dread Beast had returned. My mom and dad told me I would have fun; I would regret not going. They seemed to forget, that unlike them, I was not popular in high school. But I got dressed and got ready to go. The first hurdle? The security device was still attached to my hot new shirt. I was twenty minutes late just because I was trying to get it off. An omen?
Enter a confident me, in my faux-leather biker style jacket, and banging atypical bob. The Mean Girls were the first to great me and then ignore me. A few other people I knew were a little nicer. One girl told me she loved my hair. I accepted the compliment with pleasure. Then…nothing. There was no one I was really close to and nothing was happening. I got a drink at the bar and sat for a few minutes but then got proactive to talk to a group of people I was rather fond of growing up. I called one of them by the wrong name. Great, now everyone was laughing at me again.
After that group dispersed, I dropped of my play list of great high school music and hung with a group that I had hung out with some at high school. I was unsure if they truly liked me, but they talked to me and let me be part of the group. We talked, we dance. We had a great time. Once again I was over thinking how people thought of me. It seems that my reaction to the judgmental side of high school never leaves.
After about four songs, the DJ switched t karaoke version of old country songs and then peppered in booty shaking songs during their breaks. My high school music blast from the past was not meant to be. I didn’t let this stop me from getting up and dancing and having a good time. In the middle of this, one girl, who I was not particularly fond of, made the declaration, “I vote you the most changed!” Nom, dear readers, I really, really wanted to hit this girl. I know I have changed and changed for the better, but I have always been cool and fun. The fact that they did not see this in high school is their fault, not mine.
I bit it all back and danced some more, knowing that people were talking about me in a good way. They were finally seeing how awesome I was. There wasn’t a big moment where I told off the mean girls or people apologized for treating me cruelly. Someone even said how “brave” it was for me to come alone. But there was some vindication for me. It’s not my fault I am only one of two people who still wear single digit jeans.;-)
All in all the night was rather lame. Hanging around people who never really liked you and you never really liked isn’t the most exciting thing. But as people headed home to their kids, I knew that this was something out of the ordinary for them. They weren’t like me. They didn’t have a big group of friends that they went out with. So what if I wasn’t married like I wanted to be? I have a group of friends who are awesome and a job that impressed people. I should be grateful for my gifts.
I am ashamed that I still worry about what these people think, because it truly doesn’t matter. I have surrounded myself with those who appreciate and love me. I have the love of Jesus on my side. What more do I need?
To love myself. And most days I do. I just need to re-cement those broken pieces sometimes. With my girls and God, I have that under control.
Have a Romy and Michele day!
Hey World! Before I start my blog, I just want to complement my fellow Radical7even sisters; I am so proud of the progress that you all are making. I am truly blessed to have each of you in my life. I always look forward to your posts. Ok, I digress…
Honesty time: I feel like I’m not giving my best. I listened to the BronzeGoddess post “Are you Ready to be Blessed?” I want to be blessed but I can’t honestly say I’m ready. My apartment is in disarray, my exercise in nonexistent (unless you count daydream running). I’m depressed about my current job situation, and I’ve noticed that my sadness peaks around this time ( I think it has something to do with the weather/time change). However, today (being Sunday, October 23rd), I got up @ 730a, went to the grocery store, brought groceries, came home, called mom, cleaned, cooked not one but two meals. This is more than I’ve done ALL WEEK 🙂
I”ve let my circumstances dictate my days too long. Yes, my current financial/job situation is not where I want it to be but sleeping in until 12 is not making my situation better. Subconsciously, I think that if I receive the blessing then my change will come. Silly girl, I know. I say I want something better, but am I doing all I can to make it a reality. To be honest, the answer is NO. I can’t wait until I am blessed. I have to be an active participant in the change. I do know it is time to do my part.
In a previous post, I stated that I was going to change one of my goals. My new goal is to be proactive. My apartment is messy right now so everyday I’m going to spend 15-30 minutes changing those circumstances. I am going to create a budget to see where my money is going and how to improve. My job situation is icky and my experience is limited in my chosen career field so it’s times to get my volunteer on. Praying is great but it’s time to activate the work.
14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
We will see how it goes. Pray for me and I will def be praying for you.
First off, I want to apologize for my blog being late, but at the same time I’m glad it is. I have been under the impression that I should change my goals to reflect where I am in life right now. I am searching, curious about my life design, and confused about the next step. I am sorry if I seem all over the place with my career. It is my fault for not sitting down and sitting still to listen to God. I am an action-oriented person… I am a doer. But doing without considering what God has plan can lead to stress, debt, and confusion. Three things that I am currently experiencing. Growing up, there were three things I loved doing: helping children, designing, and cooking.
How do all three of these things fit together? Are they part of my life design? Are these things a clue to what my purpose is? I don’t know, but after watching Oprah’s Master Class, I have a better understanding of how to listen for the Holy Spirit’s whisper, and watch for the hand of God to move in my life. I have no clue what to pursue right now, and I am tired of making plans, because they fail every time. But I understand that I am suppose to develop whatever God has given me, because I don’t know when and how it is suppose to be used.
The story of the three servants is a prime example of what we should be doing with what God has given us. God expects us to invest and develop what He has given us… including talent. even if you feel that you may not need it or you don’t see an opportunity to use what God has given you, invest and develop it anyway!!! If you don’t, you are going have the “stank face” like the third servant. You can’t produce fruit with the seeds still in your pocket, silly!!! Plant them! Water them!!! And when the opportunity comes, God can use what you have done to produce an outstanding result.
I have revised my goals in a way that will allow me to invest and develop me as a person AND what God has given me (talents). By next September 2012, I would like to:
1. Finish the Old Testament (I want to understand and learn more about who my Creator is. I can’t be in a relationship with someone I don’t know…)
2. Find a cause to support. (I am not sure what cause I want to devote most of my support to, yet. I have always admired people who found a cause and stuck with it, fought for it, and made a difference. It is something I truly desire in my life.)
3. Create a recipe book. (Even if I don’t become a chef, I have always wanted to have something to pass down to my kids. Something that they can value and pass down from one generation to the next. I think a cookbook will be something great my kids will enjoy.)
4. Keep a design portfolio. ( I want to get back into drawing and designing again. I will also add photography and video to my design portfolio. Art plays a big part of my life. It is the only medium that I have been able to fully express myself.)
5. Read at least 2 books a month. ( Simply put, I really need to step up my reading game.)
6. Get physically fit. (Because I cook more, I need to make sure I don’t gain more. Diabetes and high blood pressure run in my family. These things can be prevented if I keep my weight under control. Plus, I feel better mentally, spiritually, and physically when I exercise.)
7. Decorate my bedroom and bathroom. (These rooms were recently repainted, so my walls are bare. Though I could go out and by pictures and paintings to put on my wall, I want these rooms to be a reflection of me. So, I only want my artwork on the walls.)
Overall, my goals are reflecting that I should embrace each moment I have. To use every moment and every situation God has ALLOWED me to be placed in as preparation to for my blessing… to be placed into my divine purpose. You never know when your opportunity will come. I want to be ready. Are you ready to be placed into your divine purpose?
I tend to use any form of communication available as a platform for the most interesting topic on my mind (in my opinion). For this post I’m going to slow down and go back to the basics in term of a) my 7 goals, and b) my ‘radical’ moment this week.
Social goal: I’ve still done nothing to help the homeless in my community. To be honest I forgot that this was one of my goals. I am going to research local nonprofits that help the homeless. I think working with a charity to help them help the homeless might have more of an impact than branching off on my own.
Emotional goal: This goal has been met. The anxiety I wanted to reduce was all related to the transition of moving to Tampa and the possibility that I just wouldn’t be able to cut it. Now that I’ve put in some hard work, I see that I am more than capable. I just have to keep pushing!
Spiritual goal: I am making good progress with this goal. I feel more spiritual congruence now than I did before. At the time that I made this goal I was experiencing a lot of pressure from my family and some ‘friends’ to believe the way they do on certain topics. Specifically they don’t respect my tolerance for people who love the same gender. In a world at such a deficit for love, I don’t care what the naysayers tell me. I support love–period. My spirit is at peace with that after prayerful consideration and in depth Bible study. If that makes other uncomfortable, frankly it sounds like a personal problem. I looked to Jesus and he said nothing in the Bible about homosexuality. Paul did, but he is not Jesus. The 10 commandments also don’t mention homosexuality. If God meant for this to be as hotly debated a topic as it currently is, I think Jesus’ many teachings in the Gospels would have mentioned it. Praise God! Moving on lol.
Environmental goal: Success! I recycle all of my soda cans and bottles now, and most of my soup/veggie cans. It’s easy once you get into the habit. I encourage everyone to recycle something on a regular basis.
Occupational goal: My thesis is almost done. I expect to defend it in early to mid-November. As far as publications go, I plan to have my first manuscript ready by the end of Christmas break. Wish me luck!
Intellectual goal: I’ve been slacking on this one. Finding the time to learn anything not required in my classes or related to my writing is very, very difficult. I’m not sure if this goal is even feasible at the moment. I may have to postpone this one to a less hectic year.
Physical goal: This is another goal that I forgot–conveniently. It’s important to look back through your goals just to remind yourself what they are lol. I have been walking and generally rushing around a lot. As far as planned exercise–this goal is a FAIL thus far. 😛
Okay so all in all with the goals I give myself a B-. I’ll try and have them looking much better by January.
Radical moment: This week I pushed forward with writing a grant for 5,000. The people that I look up to (my lab mate and adviser) seemed to not have much faith that we could get it done considering we had little time to write it. Usually I will follow their lead on any decision, but this one I really had to push for myself. Another student who is involved in the project and myself spend many long hours writing this grant. We all pitched in, but this was a big deal for that student and I because we’re pretty much at the bottom of the totem pole. However, I can safely say that grant would not have been submitted Friday if it weren’t for our exhaustive effort and our begging to not scrap the project lol. If we do get that 5,000, I can say they wouldn’t have done it without me. That feels good. 🙂 It was intimidating, but I pushed through. That’s radical right? Lol in a really nerdy way.
Well I guess I’ll stop writing now. I love my girls very much. Best wishes to all who read this!
I apologize for this blog being late!! I was suppose to post this yesterday..Anywho this note was going to be about my new goals..I was going to revise the goals that I had when I first started Radical7even but I decided to make this post about something else. I will write a post about my revised goals later on. This post will be about being a support system (hence the title of this note lol).
As some of you may or may not know, my boyfriend has health issues (for those of you who know me, you already know what the health issue is). I won’t go into detail about his health issues because he is a private person and I don’t want to put his health issues on blast out of respect to him…Anywho I consider myself to be his support system. I try to keep him encouraged and keep him calm. I pray for him daily. I also be there for him when he needs me. I try to stay strong for him. However, I do have my moments where I break down and get a little depressed. I’m human and I’m not going to ever say I don’t break down. I wouldn’t be human if I said I never did.
I break down because things take a toil on me. I wish I could make his health issues go away. I wish I could take on the pain that he experiences (I don’t like pain lol) sometimes just so he wouldn’t have to feel anything. I wish he could be in good health and don’t have to worry about his health or medical bills. I wish I was in a better place financially so I could help him out. Not only does he has to deal with health issues but other personal issues as well. I’m like dang when is the load going to lighten up? I do believe that one day God will heal him and things in his life will get easier as well as mine. We both go through a LOT! I know that we can get through everything together as well as having God by our side. Going through the hard times, will draw us closer together.
Being a support system for a significant other, a family member, or a friend is not easy. I want to encourage those of you that have to be the support system for people you know that has health issues or have other issues. Try your best to keep a positive attitude and an outlook on things! Besides God, you’re the only person they can turn to. You have to have a listening ear and be by their side every step of the way. Things will get better! I’m a believer of that! I also think it is helpful to give those you care about scriptures to read for whatever issues they have. For this post, I will share a link for scriptures regarding healing.
Here is a link for healing scriptures:
God bless!!! ~Venus~