That’s one heck of an intro right? You would think that my life has gotten back on track since my last entry..but nope. LOL things have slowly fallen a part yet again. Oddly enough although I have been pretty negative this week, I woke up today and realized maybe just maybe I am not fully committed to this Radical7even process. yeah I am praying more, and somewhat studying but my attitude has been that of my 15 month old son-tantrum. When change has presented itself I have not exactly handled it gracefully. In fact I’ve seen three major tests come this week that I have at best made a D- on.
1. Handling conflict with a friend
2. My car breaking down
3. My attitude about work
With each of these incidents I freaked out, called a million people, asked a million people about what I should do…then eventually somewhat prayed.. Do you see the problem? My major issue is I don’t trust myself, i second guess myself a million times a day literally. Even with all the things God has done in my life I question, I worry, I doubt. When I pray and I feel peace about something that doesn’t make sense to other people..I immediately want to change it. I am a notorious people pleaser. I don’t want people upset, or thinking of me critical so I bend. I want confirmation so I take a consensus before making a decision. Truth is yes sometimes it is good to have a consensus and other times not so much (remember a crowd contemned Jesus to death).
I love my job, but lately I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed and burnt out. I couldn’t seem to shake it. I was withdrawn, in my own little world which is nothing like me. I think with all the random bad things that have happened I just was like whatever to so many things that used to bring me happiness. I really think I was getting borderline depressed. I mean here I was announcing to the world that I am a challenging God to do radical things and I wasn’t even doing the simple things like getting my life organized or challenging myself to push pass fatigue or burn out. I was just complaining and wanting God to change things..when I need to change my focus. let God take care of the little and big things, simply being obedient AND prepared will open many doors. I realize now the reason I am running into some jams is because my mind is not submitted to Christ. I think all kind of negative, terrified thoughts and then want to walk in victory? Really..I am pretty sure that’s not how this works (which is probably why it hasn’t been working LOL) .
So my two of my radical7even, trying something new and think positive thoughts will also be my something old. I am not organized which causes me more stress and frazzle time then need be. SO my first step is to get my life together…tighten up. What CEO do you know that can’t get their office right? Look at the desks of successful people they are together..anywho my two scriptures this week are
The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid? 2 When the wicked advance against me
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
Luke 12:48- But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
If I want a great life…I want new things I need to do things in a different way. I can’t live mediocre be undisciplined in my finances, organizational skills etc and expect to run a business..that’s the road to bankruptcy. SO. I am now praying for God to send me a mentor. I have learned a lot from my current boss so I think I might just watch more carefully so I can handle my business. Get your” house” in order people.
My promise to myself it to submit to the process before Joseph became second in the nature he was a slave and a prisoner. He spent years paying his dues before God uplifted him. I am just paying my dues..and in due time my God will make it all worth it.