How Do I Deal? ~Venus

This note is for all the women and young girls that had or are having issues with their father…

When I was a baby my parents broke up and I was raised my mother. My father and my mom never got back together. They are currently not married to anyone and they never been married. My father and I always had a complicated relationship. When I was younger, I dealt w/ a lot of broken promises from my father. I spent a lot of time writing in my diary! lol! I often blamed myself for my parents not being together. I had a lot of issues. During the time I was a teenager, I was very angry at my father for not being active in my life. I saw/spend time with my father every now and then.  I had a really bad attitude. I lashed out at people for no reason at times because I didn’t know how to deal with the hurt and the pain that I was experiencing.  Every time I talked to my father, I would chew him out. In high school, I had to get a little counseling which helped a little bit. In college, the issues that I had with my father didn’t go away.  They blew up in face. All the things that I suppressed came out in the open. I had to deal with father’s alcoholism  and my dad doing drugs which really took a toil on me. I blamed myself for the way he was. I learned from taking a couple of classes that I wasn’t the one to blame for his alcoholism and for who he was. I learned that his problem had nothing to do with me even though it affected me. I went through counseling in college which helped a great deal!

Now that I’m no longer in college (I’m a college graduate),  I still deal with those same issues from my childhood. I deal with my father not being dependable and still making broken promises. Sometimes he comes through for but majority of the time he doesn’t. I hardly ask him for anything because of that reason. People always ask me why I don’t show any emotion. Let me you in on a little secret: I show no emotion because I don’t want to be disappointed. I never get myself overly worked up about anything because I expect to be disappointed. I can be excited inside but you will not see that emotion because I don’t want to display that emotion and things fall through. I have a hard time trusting people because of what I went through with my father. I have to see that people are going to do what they say they are going to do. When I see that people are consistent w/ what they say, then I know that I can trust them.

I talk to my father on a weekly basis mainly for a short period of time. He usually is the one that calls me. He always tell me that he loves me and cares about me but I hardly see him show any action behind it. Now that I’m older, I’m tired of going through the same things. Sometimes I  feel like  the relationship with my father is a broken beyond repair. I hardly have a relationship w/ my father’s side of the family.  I see/hear from them every now and then. I talk to my half brother (we have the same father) every blue moon. I try my best to deal with these issues but they take a toil on me. Sometimes I get to the point where I want to cut off the little relationship that I have with him so I can have more peace. I hope one day when I have children, that they won’t have to go through what I go through with my father. I want my children’s father to be there for them and to show them that  he loves them each and every day. I want my children to have a healthy relationship with their father.

I often hear mothers say that they will be their child’s father and mother. That’s not possible. I don’t care what anyone says, a child needs their father just like they need their mother. If a child’s father is not active in their life, the child needs a father figure. Since my father wasn’t active in my life, I have issues w/ trust,  had a negative outlook on men, and was bitter. I used to think all men were dogs. My outlook on men is more positive now. =) I think if my father was there for me like he should have been, I would had less issues.

Even though my biological father isn’t everything I want him to be, I have forgiven him for what he has done. I’m glad that I have a HEAVENLY FATHER that loves me and cares for me. He has been a better father to me than my biological father has been. I’m glad that God is a comforter and a healer! =) He is a God full of love, mercy, and grace!

-Venus

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  1. #1 by renee on October 9, 2011 - 11:39 am

    This was very insightful! And though I cant relate to every issue I cant relate to the changing dynamics of a father/daughter relationship changing being tense etc. This story will def help someone. Thank u for being brave enough to share and to give God the glory!

  2. #2 by Pamela Cromer Rush on October 10, 2011 - 4:25 am

    I can identify with you not wanting to get your hopes up for someone who shows that they do not care. It still hurts, especially from family that you should be able to trust. Looking to God and finding His real love is such a relief from the pain people can inflict. This really spoke to me Venus.Thank you.

  3. #3 by Kelly Diane Cromer on October 10, 2011 - 6:27 pm

    Thank you for being so honest. I feel like I know you even better now. 🙂 Much love!

  4. #4 by Venus on October 12, 2011 - 6:05 am

    To Nee: Thank you for your sweet comments! I think the relationships between a father/daughter and a mother/daughter is so complex. The relationships are very different. I was kind of scared to talk about my dad being that not everyone knows my story. Yes to God be the glory! To Pam: Yes, its very hard to deal w/ disappointment. Especially when it happens all the time! I’m glad you can identify w/ some of my story! I’m glad that it spoke to you! To Kels: Aww thanks Kels!! I hope getting to know everyone better as we are going through this journey together. I love you all!!!

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