I have worked extremely hard on my rad7even goals..but I don’t think I’ve been intentional enough with my goals. I’ve gotten them done..or met some requirements but I am not following through as much as I would like. Anywho this rad7even entry is more about revelation than reaching my goals (which ironically will help me reach my goals).
I was on the phone with a family member and they were recounting an argument that they had with someone. The whole time I am listening I am thinking: “wow, this seems like it’s a bit much, a bit over the top…..in fact it sounds a lot like ME!”. I was horrified by that statement. I don’t want to be someone who always has to be right. Someone who even though my opponent is down I feel the need to kick them..that’s just not how I want to be..but I realize that right now..that’s exactly how I am.
I am currently dating again..this is my try new things purposely goal. How is dating new to me…well it’s how I date. I have a two week rule. If within two weeks I’m not feeling him..*looks towards door* I send the guy packing. Now this might seem so extreme (to all my friends) they think I am crazy and often say: “Alright Renee` you’re gonna be old and living with cats if you don’t chill out with your list”. I don’t think I am being too hard on most guys, but I had to realize that I just might be a bit over-the-top… some things that have gotten guys kicked before:
- Using the word conversate instead of converse (it just irks me)
- The way he smiled/dressed
- being way too loud in public
- being too introverted
- Unsure of where he’s going (no life plan)
- His genes.. (I mean I would like to have another child so I gotta see what I am getting into) example of genes…easily getting sick, having a history of obesity in the family, alcholoism
- The guy wears pink
I realize that my over all problem is not so much with what they have/don’t have as much as it is…..I am absolutely terrified of picking the wrong guy. I haven ‘t always picked wisely in the past and now I think I am just in overkill mode..wait did he just wipe his spaghetti hands on his PANTS (i digress).
I want someone I can trust, laugh with and build a home with…I just don’t know WHAT that all looks like. None of those things have a job title, education level tied to them..so I don’t know what this man could possibly look like. And I don’t like that. I don’t like change. I don’t like not already knowing if this guy is the right one or not. I mean if he’s not..did I just waste my time talking to him? I don’t wanna waste time….
So instead I just kick ’em to the curb and keep it stepping. But now I actually met someone and I just don’t know if I can change my quick draw McGraw lifestyle. SO…radically changing my life will equally me radically changing how I deal with the opposite sex. My issue reminds me of:
New International Version (NIV)
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
No one is perfect..and sometimes people need to be told how to deal with you. You are different than the last person they dated and there is always that adjustment period. We have to learn to be patient with others like Christ is patient with us. Not saying ALL things need to be worked out (like verbal or physical abuse) but if they dude wears bowties (another thing i just hate) maybe that’s something you just have to learn to live with.
Welp, I am slowly learning to let people be themselves and stop trying to control them OR letting them go. There’s not two options..sometimes you just have to accept that person for who and what they are..and maybe in return that person will do the same for you.
from a reformed Catlady-