SO… I realize my first vlog might be a little lengthy so I have decided to post my Rad7even goals..and then Kinda go into what has been going on
- Follow every prompting of the Holy Spirit– This has been fairly simple, but I’ve had a few times when I was close to not listening. As I’ve stated I am a debater. I am passionate about soooo many things and it is extremely difficult for me to keep quite about things that mean something to me. The last few weeks at my job I’ve had some debates..nothing too serious but enough for Beyondai to really get on me about being so argumentative. My main mission is so people understand what I am saying..you don’t have to agree with me, but I hate for people to misconstrue what i am in fact saying. SO when things were getting intense I just walked away. I see sometimes no matter how I try to show how I feel without making the other person feel judged it’s not always possible. So the next best thing..let it go.
- Do it afraid– well I applied for a new position and that was extremely scary for me. i loved my job! I actually enjoyed going to work everyday. I worked with an amazing staff and the most talented teens ever, but there was no security. My position might have been picked up…or it might not and it was just a huge risk for me to stay (although I really wanted too). I knew that if an opportunity came along that I should at least see what was being offered. I was offered an amazing opportunity to expand my goal of helping people. 🙂
- Try new experiences on purpose-Dating..enough said lol. I have stayed away from dating for almost two years. I’ve semi-dated but never really got back into the swing of things. Mostly because I have a standard (go back and read confessions of a catlady) and I don’t have a high tolerance for lames or games. But I realize that I can’t stay hidden away forever…so out to the dating world I went..and so far…I am still unsure of the water LOL.. updates coming.
- Do your best even when it seems failure is near-SO..i had a midterm, a 15-20 page term paper due and a final all in the same week and just two days apart….yeah…lol the mid term study guide literally had 66 questions (vocab,short answer and essay) and my son was sick that week so I didn’t get a chance to look at the study guide until two days before the freaking test..I had been reading (maybe not as much as I could have) so I wasnt sweating until I saw the study guide. I mean really! LOL I was like man, I am SO gonna bomb the heck out of this test, BUT I thought about my rad7even goals and just beasted through those last days. Went over 88 percent of the chapters and also all his notes..so I went in…positive and came out *drum roll please* with a B LOL. I would have made an A if I had answered the questions with a bit more detail..that makes me feel AMAZING. My first mid term in grad school and I had the potential to make an A..hello! praise God..I also learned a valuable lesson-stop freaking procrastinating.. ugh!
- Force my mind to focus on positive outcomes- Well my midterm was a big test for me…and also thinking/believing this new position is something God ordained and something that HE will equip me to do..and do well.
- Learn a minimum of one new activity or idea– Still trying to figure out what I wanna learn. I am thinking about being more self sufficient, growing my own foods, learning how to sew. IDK just yet, but something along those lines.
- Read Daily/Question Daily -This is simple for me. LOL I have always questioned things. I have always been an avid reader..the bigger problem is being a finisher. I have started about 4 books (no lie) since August and I have read several chapters but not finished one book! its so annoying and I really wanna work on my commitment to finishing not just the books, but personal growth
Anywho, I start the new job tomorrow. I am still amazed that my transition happened so quickly. October has been the month of change for me for the past three years. Something Life altering always happens IDK why, but it does. Also like I stated earlier I am dating and I see my nueroticsim is at an all time high. See I am the Go get ’em girl. Anything I see I work hard to get it. If I wanted a relationship I let it be known and shortly thereafter boom relationship, I’ve never played games or hid my feelings or not been like look you like me I like you..why arent we together. AND honestly I think that’s what’s been getting me in trouble. Leaping and not looking and not really letting the guy be the guy. Truth is, I trust me and me alone even in relationships. Not that I believe the guy will cheat on me..but more so that I don’t trust the guy to take care of things: my emotions, needs, wants etc. It leaves you vulnerable to someone not doing their part! And I don’t do vulnerable..I do strength and planning and all those things.
But what I am learning is those things, those attributes that I saw as weakness is actually a strength. Letting someone you care about…actually care about you back is a strength. Love endures all things, covers all things…but if you are the only one enduring and covering..how can the other person express their love to you? In fact, it is disrepectful to them to not let them be there for you. It’s hurtful. And I didn’t realize how many people I hurt by pushing them away..I never understood what they meant by: you are never weak. I took that to mean they were looking for an opportunity to get me, but now I see they were looking for an opportunity to somehow fit in my life. If I have everything, do everything…no one can share my life with me, because they are only on the sidelines…and that’s not what I want…SO..here’s to letting the right man “coach” me through life.
Renee` aka Ms. Boss