Archive for November, 2011
This week I had a wonderfully relaxing four day break in Crestview. This time was necessary for me to get through the rest of the semester, which I am not looking forward to. At this point I just want to be done with USF, because I feel pretty sure at this point that Tampa is not the place for me, and research is no longer a passion of mine. However, I am going to do my absolute best for the next few weeks and make sure I finish this semester with flourish. I want to make sure that at the end of my year of absence, I would be welcome to come back if I chose to do so. It’s good to live your life in a way that leaves you with options if possible. Burning bridges unnecessarily can limit your future. So ultimately, I’m spending today just getting my head back in the game as much as possible.
I applied for a new position in Crestview to work within the Families First Network. With my degree I am qualified to apply for a higher position, but I chose to apply for an entry level (with a bachelor’s degree) position. I have always been interested in social policy and civic activism–especially in terms of vulnerable populations. I want to start from the bottom of the ladder and learn as much as I can about every aspect of the system. I think this will make me a much more effective leader at higher levels as I work my way up/out/around the system. Also, I don’t want to start out in a leadership position, and then realize this place is not for me. This year will be a trial run to see if this kind of life is the more rewarding sort that I’ve been looking for.
I know a lot of people may not understand my not being fulfilled at USF after having worked so hard to qualify myself for a good Ph.D. program. As analytical as I may be, I’m a sentimental person as well. If I don’t feel somewhat passionate about what I’m doing, or if I feel like I’m not part of something that really contributes to the betterment of society–it is very difficult for me to stay focused/interested. Luckily, I have the luxury now of being a bit picky about the direction I’ll take in my career. I’m just thankful that most of the feedback I’ve been getting is positive.
This is where I am for this week. This is pretty much all I’ve been thinking about–other than not fitting into my favorite dress pants anymore that is. This whole pregnancy thing is really inconvenient lol. Luckily I have a very supportive family that I cannot wait to live closer to in just a few weeks. Prayers are appreciated. 🙂
Have you ever had a moment in your life where you felt like you was at a standstill? That’s how I feel both spiritually and physically. I’m at the point now where I’m trying to figure out what to do w/ my life, work, and projects. Work: My job closes next month and I will be without my job for a month. I do however, have a seasonal job and I’m going to try to work w/ them during December if they have slots available for me to work. I will be in financial bind for a little while. I’m becoming dissatisfied w/ my current job and are thinking of ways on how to change my situation (i.e. volunteering and applying for other jobs). Spiritually: Right now, I’m seeking God about my purpose and is asking him for direction/clarity. God has revealed some of purpose to me but I feel as if once I get one answer from God, I’m trying to figure out how everything fits together like a puzzle. I’m at the point in my life where I want to do what God wants me to do, not what everyone else wants me to do. I want to fulfill the purpose and God’s will for my life. Projects: They are at a standstill as well..I just have to plan and implement my ideas!! I think my life is in transition. God bless!! Enjoy the vids below!! The videos explain how I feel right now. I’m so love my YT (Youtube) girl BronzeGoddess01!! She is on the top of my list of people that inspire me!!! ~Venus~
As I rad7even girl it is my duty to be completely honest about my journey. There are two things that make up a big part of who I am well, three. 1) I am a Christian 2) I am a mother and 3) I am celibate. Today, Nov 23, marks my one year anniversary of celibacy. A huge milestone for me because sex is such a huge deal. It’s all over television,songs, movies and after a certain age some guys no longer think chasity is “cute” LOL so dating has been quite an interesting trek since I’ve been on my journey.
Why I chose Celibacy
As a little girl I always dreamed of getting married and having a big family. My virginity was something that I valued at the utmost. In fact, I think I used my purity as another way for me to be legalistic and judge those who I knew were engaged in sexual activity. How could they possibly give of themselves that freely to someone that they didn’t love? I didn’t understand and actually was appalled by how most people seemed to take the act of sex so lightly. This was my thought all through high school and most of college. Then I got into a relationship that I just “knew” was right, we loved each other and were planning a future together so having sex with this person couldn’t be wrong because we were in love..and love conquerors all things. Well truth is, I wasn’t even in the right mindset to even understand the true responsibility of love and sex..and please believe it is a responsibility. I had an immature view of relationships..and that mixed with sex is never a good thing. there’s no real security when you’re dating someone, it’s a lot easier to leave someone that you’re just “dating”. without a commitment of marriage it can lead to some pretty unstable feelings,thoughts and situations. That being said that relationship ended.With it so did my view of myself. I was supposed to be the virginal bride, and if I wasn’t then I was at least supposed to marry the person I lost my virginity too..right?
Not long after the break up I decided to just date around. Not get serious with anyone just hang out. Then I met my son’s father and became pregnant, I’ve told this story a million times so I will spare the details. LOL. But that’s when everything got super serious for me. I mean I was having a baby…and with someone I didn’t actually want to marry LOL….
Aw the complexities of sex.
I always find it odd when people say they are surprised they are pregnant.. it’s even funnier because I was “surprised” when I found out I was pregnant.The only woman who should have ever been surprised that she was pregnant is Mary, the Mother of Jesus LOL. Sex has consequences that are deeper than having a baby, or possibly contracting an STI but there are emotional ramifications as well. Truth is people always think that something will never happen to them.
I have heard too many stories of a guy who just wanted to be friends with a girl..but ended up sleeping with her and she got attached (sex was meant to attach people it’s the whole purpose, it’s why God sanctioned it for marriage) and then the guy couldn’t get “rid of her” she thought they were now in a relationship. Or…the guy cheats and the girl has a Jazmyn Sullivan moment and busts the windows out his car. I have seen a few cars in a parking lot with some pretty profane words on it and/or cheater keyed in the side…lust which people confuse for love can make people act in some wild ways.
Truth is I am at a point in my life where I want something more than a physical, emotional and spiritual connection. I want that connection to be strengthened by the commitment of marriage. A relationship that God not only honors BUT will also bless. My story is that mine . I can only talk about my experiences and what truth is and looks like to me. Love can be a beautiful thing if and when you are ready for it. Not rushing it, trying to control it, or stressing over it..all those phases and feelings equate to an immature view of what love and relationships are really all about. The reaction I get from being celibate are quite hilarious. I get the “Girl, it couldn’t be me” or the “are you serious” statements all the time. But truth is sex costs..and it’s a recession so I am not trying to pay LOL but in all seriousness, love,sex and relationships are serious business and should not be taken or entered into lightly. And right now, as I approach my 25th bday, I am just now realizing the true seriousness of it all. It all seems like fun and games until you actually see some of the consequences and for everything we do in life there are consequences.
Song of Solomon 2:7 NIV Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Be diligent about who you allow to be a part in your world,it can literally change the destination for your life.
Peace,Love & Celibacy LOL
I am huge into music. I love how how it moves my mind, body, heart and soul. Often, I find songs that touch me deeply. So this week, I dedicate this song to of all of God’s Children. May one day we all stop figting and stand together.
I love to Give–Give hugs, presents, smiles; just give until my heart is content. Even when I feel as if I am 2 cents away from being broke, doing something for someone else makes my day. So, I decided that for Thanksgiving, I was going to donate a bag of goodies to AIM, in honor of HIS. AIM stands for Aid for Inmate Mothers. They are currently having “Pack-a-Purse” drive when you can put items in a purse or handbag for a recently released woman. So, I looked around my apartment to see what I could scrounge up and this was the results: an unused March of Dimes backpack which I filled with a new, never worn pair of Old Navy jeans, a new, never worn Forever 21 blouse, mini lotions, soap, and conditioners from my hotel room, and a nice size bottle of Bath and Body works lotion. I decided to go out and buy some new underwear. Every woman deserves clean underwear.
I am sometimes blind to the fact that I am blessed beyond measure: a nice apartment, clothes on my body, shoes on my feet, and a great support system of friends and family. Being able to share my blessings with someone less fortunate is PRICELESS!
Deuteronomy 15:7, 11
If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother. There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.
Sitting in a theater for 11 hours really gives you time to figure out what you want to say. However, in this time, I was unable to figure out how to say what I wanted to say. I even let the draft of this blog simmer over the weekend hoping I could make my feelings clearer. But I still haven’t come up with the best way to put feelings into words. So bear with me as I try.
My best friend got me into Twilight three years ago. She recommended the books to me based on my love of Buffy and all things vampire. She lent me all the books which I quickly read. We even went to the midnight movie opening. After that I was hooked.
What I love about Twilight is not just that it’s another world, but it’s another world that I can share with those who I care about most. From my mom, to my best friend, to my volunteers, we can all have conversation about Twilight. These conversations are something we bond over. My best friend and I would discuss the philosophical arguments about the books, the casting decisions for the movies, and crazy fans. We went to every midnight opening catching the Saga marathon before each show.
This became half the fun of the movies and events. Just being with people who mattered. This was something we as friends shared. It was the ultimate Girls Night.
Then she up and moved toTampa. Though I was excited for her and her life’s adventure, I was sad to see her go and wondered who would talk her place at might night. Because in any other instance, she was irreplaceable.
The answer is no one. A volunteer and I wanted to go together, and then she couldn’t get off work. Then my co-worked wanted to go but couldn’t. It seemed that I wasn’t suppose to share this night with one else. I even thought about not going to the show. But then I realized; that wasn’t radical. That was scared of branching out and making my life my own. I realized that for it to be a beloved tradition, the best way to honor it would to be to do it.
I was surprised how sad I was that morning. I really felt the separation between me and my friend more intensely. Instead of waking up excited about Girl’s Night, I was taken over by the trepidation of being alone for so long. I pushed on not letting that fear bother me, and tried to remember all the fun we had has before.
So I went to the marathon and midnight show. I gave blood in honor of my best friend because we had done it the year before. I even wrote her a letter while I was waiting for Breaking Dawn, and it made me feel connected to her again. At the end of the night, I was happy I had gone. I had enjoyed the movie, and had not let fear take over something that been so fun before. Though it was different not having her there, it was still pleasant. Last week’s radical event was more than pop culture. It was about overcoming fear, and being able to be on your own. It’s about the love we have for our friends. It was about accepting change and loss. It was about being happy even when you’ve been separated from the ones you love.
So to all my girl friends, please know that I love you. I miss you each day, even if you are still in my city. The bonds we have are so powerful. You ladies mean the world to me.
Thanksgiving is quickly approaching and I must say this has been quite a year but I have much to be thankful for. I am thankful for a close knit family that loves me. I am thankful for friends near and far that keep in touch and support me. I am thankful for the basics, food , clothes, shelter and awesome fall boots that I got on sale. I am thankful that I can feel emotions. I am thankful to love and be loved.
This time of year people make the extra effort to meditate on things that they are thankful for. Thanksgiving should be everyday. As believers when we wake up in the morning, praise and thanks should roll of of tongues. It’s not that easy sometimes. I know this, because sometimes I am so caught up in my own world of woulda coulda shoulda’s that I forget to thank God. If it wasn’t for the Lord I woulda been, shoulda been and most certainly coulda been paying for my sins myself. But no, God already took care of me. He took on the ills of the world on so that I could live a life of abudance. That deserves super thanks, as in 24/7, all day everyday thanks. When I think about where I would be if I didn’t know God, I literally shake my head.
Are you saying thank you everyday?
What are you waiting for? Stop right now and say “Thank you Jesus”. I just did.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with all of God’s richest blessings.
One day at a time,