Flying With Out Wings~Audrey

In 2005, I joined MANE as an AUM intern. I had no horse knowledge but was willing and excited to learn. I quickly became a valued volunteer and stayed on with the program after I finished my internship. They taught me to be an instructor and gave me a crash course in riding to be able to pass my certification. I learned how to do everything safely but not necessarily in the best way possible.

With in a year, I was offered a full time position. There was a huge learning curve. I began to stress out about everything I had to do and learn. I began to resume my riding lessons. My brain couldn’t handle all the stress and anxiety started to come out. While I can walk trot and canter, my mind only stays calm for two of those gaits. Somehow the canter has become my boogey man.

So two weeks ago, I had a huge breakthrough. My instructor has been trying to get me to canter. I am willing to try anything she asks. But my fear is making it hard. I’d get going and be so excited I’m finally cantering that I forget to ask Baba to keep cantering and he trots. So crop in hand, I smacked him and asked him to canter on. As he cantered, I remember to ask him to continue to canter. Three times! This was a huge mile stone. I felt like I could fly!

Then we changed directions and in the short time it took to reverse directions and take a deep breath, I freaked out. My arms were shaking and I had trouble getting going again. My mind had taken over and my anxiety had come out. But I tried not to get frustrated with myself and was proud of what I had accomplished. I felt good, even though I need improvements.

Then last week, I had a lot going on at work. I had lots of stress and went a step back. Trying not to be too frustrated with myself, I swore that I would do what it takes to get comfortable and confident again. If that means, making mine a private lessons instead of riding with others, then I would do just that.

The thing is I can do it and I just have to get past my mind. I feel good when I break the chains but sometimes it just seems so scary. But I’m making big strides. Take this picture for example:

I would have never done this two years ago. But here I am trick “riding”. This was so radical for me. It’s probably the most radical moment of my entire year. I truly put all my faith in this animal.

This feeling of power and achievement I felt two weeks ago stays with me. God is a strong guiding hand and give immeasurable strength. I felt like I was flying without wings. I had never imagined what joy it would bring, to let God lead me through something so nerve wracking.

 “And that’s the joy you bring
I’m flying without wings”

Westlife

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  1. #1 by Renee N. Chaffin on November 17, 2011 - 5:14 pm

    This is beautiful Audrey! I am so glad you decided to step out and try something out of your comfort zone..when that happens I see the rewards God gives us. I am learning that God is just as excited as we are when we stop doubting and start trusting then He can really use us in wonderful ways. GOOD for you hun.

  2. #2 by radical7even on November 19, 2011 - 1:35 pm

    I’m proud of you girly! 🙂

  3. #3 by radical7even on November 19, 2011 - 1:49 pm

    I am also Kelly BTW. :p

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