Open Forum: Marriage, Dreams, and Letting Go!

Last week I posted a question asking what is the difference between giving up and letting go. I posted a couple of scenarios and I got some really great feedback. Here are some one the answers I received:

Me: What is the difference between letting go and giving up?

Khalilah: When you let go, you feel empowered. When you give up you feel defeated. When I let go of hurt, I’m empowered to love again. When I give up on love, I feel defeated that it can never reside with me. Letting go requires wisdom, giving up is action with little thought.

Me: Let’s say you have invested a lot time, money, blood, sweat and tears to pursue a dream. This is a dream you felt God placed into your heart, you are passionate about it… this is your niche and you love it so much that you can’t consider pursuing anything else! No avenues are opening up for you to pursue it further. You have tried other alternatives to achieve this dream, but it does not work. After much failure and disappointment, you decide that maybe you should call it quits. Is this giving up or letting go?

Ms. Riley: … I think how you handle the reality that you’re no longer working toward the goal is more important than categorizing the decision to stop working toward the goal.


Khalilah: I agree Riley. I’ll add, timing and discernment are also important when pursuing dreams. If you trust that God is leading your effort, continue perfecting your craft until your debut arrives. My daughter says it best, when you have to wait, find something else to do until its your turn. To me throwing in the towel is giving up. Keeping the towel clean and ready when guests arrive is letting go. Saying all this to say, awesome things never occur on your schedule or the way you plan them to. “Ok” things happen when we initiate them, when God does it, its unfathomable.

Me: [Here’s] another scenario would be how would you deal with the situation if it was a marriage? Should you ever let go of a marriage or is it giving up if you decide to walk away?

Khalilah: Regarding marriage, there are too many layers to give a staright answer. The Bible states the only reasons for divorce (have them make sure they read the Word). There are also factors that lead up to divorce that have to be dealt with, they’re called roots or the core. Was the marriage established by God? Do both parties want to heal? Are they frustrated or just impatient? Too many layers to just say yay or nay. Sometimes walking away for some time is letting go, not giving up. The underlying theme to all of your questions is “self will” opposed to His will. Our will ends in frustration, or short lived success.


Ms. Riley: Idon’t think most things in life are as cut and dry (cartesian) as we’d like to make them and many of our issues stem from misplaced priorities in the decision making phase manifesting over time. This is true for marriage, friendships, etc. If you enter situations with your priorities in order, you will, generally, have better experiences and outcomes.

I think that many Christians, novice and mature, suffer more from a lack of critical reflection on the Bible, and less from not having their questions answered. For example, what does it really mean for a man to be the head of the household? Sure, it may mean that he has the final say on things – but before that, it means that you have to trust his judgment. Therefore, your thoughts during courtship should be include assessments of his ability to make decisions that consider how others are affected (for example). Is this person making strides to be more considerate overtime? Is he seeking help

My point is not that asking guidance is wrong or bad, etc. Rather, that we all could benefit from going deeper into understanding the implications of our beliefs and interrelations between our actions over time – and to encourage these kinds of discussions.

Thank you ladies so much for your feedback! This was a really great discussion, but I would also like to hear from Radical 7even followers as well. How would you respond? Do you agree? Disagree? Join the discussion by posting your answers!

Also, for more inspiration from my friend Khalilah and her awesome network of friends, please check out EmpowerMoments. One of our Radical 7even girls (Renee) writes for them as well. :-). Remember to respond!!!

Awaiting your Response,


  1. #1 by renee on November 21, 2011 - 6:36 am

    Ive waited and waited and waited to respond because I honestly dont know. People have told me in relationships I give up way to easy but I feel when I know something I will know it. I think and agree with other posters that letting go is when you know uve done all you can to prepare yourself, grow change etc and then u wait on Gods timing to put it altogether. Giving up is feeling defeated and stopping out of frustration or anger rather than Gods Word..thats kinda my take on it

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