As I rad7even girl it is my duty to be completely honest about my journey. There are two things that make up a big part of who I am well, three. 1) I am a Christian 2) I am a mother and 3) I am celibate. Today, Nov 23, marks my one year anniversary of celibacy. A huge milestone for me because sex is such a huge deal. It’s all over television,songs, movies and after a certain age some guys no longer think chasity is “cute” LOL so dating has been quite an interesting trek since I’ve been on my journey.
Why I chose Celibacy
As a little girl I always dreamed of getting married and having a big family. My virginity was something that I valued at the utmost. In fact, I think I used my purity as another way for me to be legalistic and judge those who I knew were engaged in sexual activity. How could they possibly give of themselves that freely to someone that they didn’t love? I didn’t understand and actually was appalled by how most people seemed to take the act of sex so lightly. This was my thought all through high school and most of college. Then I got into a relationship that I just “knew” was right, we loved each other and were planning a future together so having sex with this person couldn’t be wrong because we were in love..and love conquerors all things. Well truth is, I wasn’t even in the right mindset to even understand the true responsibility of love and sex..and please believe it is a responsibility. I had an immature view of relationships..and that mixed with sex is never a good thing. there’s no real security when you’re dating someone, it’s a lot easier to leave someone that you’re just “dating”. without a commitment of marriage it can lead to some pretty unstable feelings,thoughts and situations. That being said that relationship ended.With it so did my view of myself. I was supposed to be the virginal bride, and if I wasn’t then I was at least supposed to marry the person I lost my virginity too..right?
Not long after the break up I decided to just date around. Not get serious with anyone just hang out. Then I met my son’s father and became pregnant, I’ve told this story a million times so I will spare the details. LOL. But that’s when everything got super serious for me. I mean I was having a baby…and with someone I didn’t actually want to marry LOL….
Aw the complexities of sex.
I always find it odd when people say they are surprised they are pregnant.. it’s even funnier because I was “surprised” when I found out I was pregnant.The only woman who should have ever been surprised that she was pregnant is Mary, the Mother of Jesus LOL. Sex has consequences that are deeper than having a baby, or possibly contracting an STI but there are emotional ramifications as well. Truth is people always think that something will never happen to them.
I have heard too many stories of a guy who just wanted to be friends with a girl..but ended up sleeping with her and she got attached (sex was meant to attach people it’s the whole purpose, it’s why God sanctioned it for marriage) and then the guy couldn’t get “rid of her” she thought they were now in a relationship. Or…the guy cheats and the girl has a Jazmyn Sullivan moment and busts the windows out his car. I have seen a few cars in a parking lot with some pretty profane words on it and/or cheater keyed in the side…lust which people confuse for love can make people act in some wild ways.
Truth is I am at a point in my life where I want something more than a physical, emotional and spiritual connection. I want that connection to be strengthened by the commitment of marriage. A relationship that God not only honors BUT will also bless. My story is that mine . I can only talk about my experiences and what truth is and looks like to me. Love can be a beautiful thing if and when you are ready for it. Not rushing it, trying to control it, or stressing over it..all those phases and feelings equate to an immature view of what love and relationships are really all about. The reaction I get from being celibate are quite hilarious. I get the “Girl, it couldn’t be me” or the “are you serious” statements all the time. But truth is sex costs..and it’s a recession so I am not trying to pay LOL but in all seriousness, love,sex and relationships are serious business and should not be taken or entered into lightly. And right now, as I approach my 25th bday, I am just now realizing the true seriousness of it all. It all seems like fun and games until you actually see some of the consequences and for everything we do in life there are consequences.
Song of Solomon 2:7 NIV Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Be diligent about who you allow to be a part in your world,it can literally change the destination for your life.
Peace,Love & Celibacy LOL