Wow. It has been a while since my last post. I have felt so disconnected without internet access. Sick kids and a 9 person household have held me isolated and not even able to get to the library for internet time. I never realized how dependant I had become on my online world. Now I have to fit shopping into my days. That I normally would do online after the kids crashed for the night. I cannot track my calories or workouts anymore on loseit.com. All that I have had to calculate at home making my health goal take more effort. I am committed though and I am at my lowest weight in 8 years. My doctor says this is the healthiest she has ever seem me. My Bible studies have centered on King David and his wives for weeks and this is what I keep coming back to; Stay focused on what God has bleesed you with no matter what gets destroyed. I needed to focus on that. I have lost family and friends this year to death and rifts in relationships. Both things that seem wasteful to my spirit. No matter, I must stay true to my calling which is the children God led me to take as my own through adoption.
I think some people must believe that I choose my kids like some people choose a puppy or houseplant. It is pobably because I have so many and devoted myself so fully to each child I cared for, that people assume I just could not let any go. I do not look for how cute they are or what way my children might bless me in the future. I had about 25 children fostered in my home throughout the 5 years that my home was licenced. We did not keep every child that was up for adoption. I was called to take the specific children that are mine now. Maybe it is more acurate to say I am theirs. When you take a troubled child or go against people’s advice they get angry. The work is hard and I wish the people closest to me understood the depth of this calling. Some do but most do not really get the focus of what I do. I wonder if it is easier for some people to ignore God’s will that others. I literally get no peace of mind or even sleep when I have tried to resist. I know what that sounds like but I was afraid of what people that I trusted would think about me so I did try to resist years ago. Now I can see on this side of time that He knew better than I what I could handle. I will continue to fight against my people pleasing tendencies and strive for His approval. The people that love me will have to understand what I am and what I was created to do.
I think I have fought enogh of my fears lately that I am ready to give blood like I had planned in one of my goals. I flew on an airplane this month which I thought was going to be one of next years goals. God worked everything outright down to a last minute seat change that put me next to a counselor on my first flight. He talked me through and with the help of Radical 7even’s Kelly I got through the other 3 flights that weekend. The other goals are on a back burner this week but not for much longer. I have so much to be thankful for. We all do and this time of year is perfect for reflection on these blessings. I know God will see me through the rest of this journey and I will meet them all. He is faithful. I hope this journey is inspiring some of you to take an active role in your own ever changing spiritual journeys. Have a blessed week and focus on pleasing Him above anyone else.