Archive for January, 2012

Great Opportunity, Not Right Time ~Venus~

Yesterday, I volunteered at WHMC as a receptionist. While I was there I learned of a position that was available. The position was an Administrative Assistant. Once I opened my mouth saying that I would apply for the position, another volunteer  “Rose” who was also volunteering as a receptionist became in my eyes negative. She was saying things like I wouldn’t apply for that position, it has too many duties, and yada yada. Rose told me some of duties of the job such as bookkeeping, making bank deposits,  and sometimes taking over the job of the receptionist etc. She then told me that the pay wouldn’t be great being that the agency is a ministry.  An employee of WHMC also told me some more of the duties of the position (some of things included accounting, data entry, and speaking at various places). The employee also mentioned that job would pay how a ministry would pay and a person would get paid based on experience (so I’m assuming the pay would be somewhere between $8-$15) . I wasn’t going to let what Rose told me deter me from the opportunity.

Later on in the day, I began to weigh my pros and cons of the position. One of the first things I thought of was transportation. If I applied for the position, would I be able to go to the bank to make deposits and travel for speaking engagements? My answer would be no because I don’t have a car. I mainly rely on the transit to get to and from.  So I decided that I wasn’t going to apply for the position. The last thing I would want to do is apply for a job that I know that I can’t do right now. So for now, I have to pass up the opportunity. I’m not focused on money..I just want experience. If I had a car or reliable transportation I would had applied. I would had still had kept my primary job for something on the side if I would got accepted for the position.

Going back to money, I’m not the kind of person that want to get paid a whole heap of money for a job.  I want to get paid more than minimum wage. So I would want to make at least $10 a hr or more if possible..lol..I also want to enjoy/love my job.  I would prefer a job in my field. I just want to make enough money to take care of my responsibilities and to get the things I need. If I had that, I would be good. At least that’s how I view things for now..I hoping in the future or soon, I’ll be able to start a career in my field!  One day, be married and start a family of my own! =) God bless!! ~Venus~

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Cultivate what you intend to share… *Kelly

Prayerful meditation…

I always liked the idea, but until I moved to Crestview I didn’t have the time. I’m able now to focus on parts of my life that I had previously neglected. The way I talk you would think that my schedule isn’t busy at all now. It’s just that compared to grad school, a 40 hr. a week job is a pretty sweet deal. That means I have a few hours a day to spend as I please AND a weekend. 🙂 I say spend because time is precious currency… to be invested or squandered as we decide… intentionally or unintentionally.

Lately I’ve been going through emotionally blissful times and challenging times with the pregnancy, the new job, and figuring out family life. I always want to use my influence, whatever I have control over, to make situations better. I just realized through increasing my prayer life that we have to center ourselves internally before we can have a positive effect on the world around us. We have to develop the characteristics inside of ourselves that we want to help instill in our work, home lives, etc.

Prayer has been a wonderful way for me to achieve calm, patience and discernment personally over the past month or so. When I feel negativity setting in, I’ve made an effort to pray in a private place until I feel some relief. I make sure not to pray for what I think is the best outcome. I just pray for God’s will and for Him to give me what I need internally to enjoy life.

I know the repetition of my prayer is not for God’s benefit. He hears me the first time I say something, and He knows what is in my heart. The repetition is for me to contemplate and feel the results of my prayer. I pray sometimes for God to calm my heart. I pray for His peace that passes all understanding. I pray for Him to see my weaknesses and heal them so that I can be strong in the ways He wills. I pray for discernment so that I can understand what my purpose is and to identify the wisest decisions I can make.

I pray similar prayers and many more for my friends and family as well. I may spend a few minutes on one person and twenty on the next. It just depends on what I feel needs to be said. I spend more time where I feel it is necessary. I hope these prayers will have a positive impact on the people I pray for even though I don’t tell them that I am praying.

I am sharing this in hopes that other people may benefit from increasing their prayer lives as well. Prayer is a very personal experience. I wouldn’t share this if it weren’t that the experiences I shared have greatly improved my ability to calmly approach life with peace and assurance. I feel a peace now that was missing when I didn’t make time for prayer.

I would love to hear from you guys about what prayer ‘techniques’ have been beneficial for you. I see prayer as not just an action, but as another one of life’s journeys. I hope we all continue to learn about it as we grow older. Much love until next time.

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What I’m actually saying is….***Gem***

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin’.”
I’m whispering “I was lost,
Now I’m found and forgiven.”

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my
mess.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow.

This is such an awesome poem by Dr.Maya Angelou. Her words always move me because no matter what you have been through you can see in her writings that she has gone through it too and so eloquently able to put it in perspective. With that being said with a busy , somewhat stressful January about to be a thing of the past I can confidently say that I am well on my way to doing everything I have set out to do with God’s grace and guidance. Something that has been happening recently is I am really allowing my self to just be. I am a Christian and I fall short multiple times a day. This year I have been very forgiving of myself.  As a Christian it is important to know the difference between conviction and condemnation. It’s like knowing when to work harder and when to work smarter. Hold yourself accountable but also give yourself a break too. It is good to find that balance and I am slowly working on that balance. Can’t wait to see what wonderful blessings God has in store for all us.

One day at a time,

Gem

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Dropping Titles-Renee`

I have some of the most amazing, astounding, awesome friends in the world, but we all have on fatal flaw..we all seem to push ourselves to the max and have high sometimes unattainable standards. I have been extremely busy this month. My case worker is on maternity leave so I am covering two caseloads, I was promoted (yay) so I have additional responsibilities there (plus still doing my old position until the new program coordinator starts on the 1st. I was also informed this week a coworker would be out so I would be filling in for her for a few days, not sure if you counted but that’s 5 positions. Program coordinator/case manager/Family advocate/intake/emergency service provider.  I have been extremely busy today, because Friday is always our busy day (well, that and Monday), but I love it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. The only problem is not getting caught up in what I do and allowing that to define me. Why, because positions change, desires fade so…what are you when the titles drop?

This became very evident last weekend when I attended my first major event without my son. Again, I do everything with him, if you see him..You see me. But for this occasion I knew he wouldn’t sit still so I decided to leave baby with my family and head to a wedding. I felt so awkward without my child there. I had forgotten how to do all the fun line dances that I used to be the leader of just a few years ago. When I saw an attractive man…I didn’t know how to approach him..why because I’ve been in super mommy mode for the past 28 months (pregnancy plus the last 19 months of my son’s life). And I just pour my all into him. Which I don’t regret, but I am like who the heck am i? I mean i have a degree, a decent job, God has allowed me to pay for all the nice little things, but WHO am I. That’s something I thought I knew, but I haven’t paid myself much attention in two years. Don’t get me wrong I don’t go around wearing mom jeans, but when the potential cutie  pie at the wedding asked me about myself. Every answer somehow related to me being a mom Guy: Oh so you like to travel, where would you like to go. Me: well I really want to take my son to Italy. Guy: You write poetry what kind of poetry do you write. Me: well I write about my love for my son. Guy: So what do you do in your free time. ME: well, I am busy chasing my son around…(do you get the picture). He probably thought I sounded like the Waterboy “mamma said….” LOL

I will always say that being mommy is my first priority, but eventually Daniel will start to do more and more on his own, which he’s actually trying to do now. If I hold on too tight I stunt growth, not just his but mine as well.  I’ve been really asking God to define me, my life, my journey. And I think right now I am on the right path. I thank God everyday for allowing me to do what I do daily, but I don’t want to get caught up in that. I want to be content without being controlling. What tends to happen is I come in and I just run wild, do this this and this and don’t forget that. When what I should do is pray, make an assessment, pray again and just began to work. The same applies to mommyhood. Pray, play, enjoy, let go, hold tight, enjoy, pray hold tight (you get the picture). There’s so much more to life than trying to be perfect, have the title..you have to actually live the life. I am ready to accept the main title that matters: Woman of God. When I do that He will take care of everything else 🙂

No Title needed,

Renee`

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The Assumption Game~Audrey

Recently, I put in an application to be an advocate with the National Kidney Foundation. For World Kidney Day (March 8), they are sponsoring a fly-in toWashingtonfor kidney patient that provides training to be a kidney advocate in the legislature. I eagerly filled out my application. For those of you who do not know, I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease two years ago and have an avid supporting of both the National and theAlabamakidney foundation.

I am very disappointed to say that I did not receive an interview call. I knew due to funding only a handful of people would be chosen. I knew my odds were slim: I don’t physically look like I have kidney disease; I’m not on dialysis; and I would need monetary support for the flight and other costs. But I had played up my strengths: I was active in my community because I wasn’t debilitated; I represented an age group that doesn’t worry about kidney disease; my job calls for me to be an active voice and I have been to rallies and other legislative events.

I can’t help but wonder if it has anything to do with the fact I said I couldn’t afford to pay for everything. The only reason I wonder is because I also wrote that I was basically the program director. For most people, this would imply I had plenty of money. But that is not the case.

I am sure there are other people more suited for the advocate position but it brings up a point that has come up recently. People hear “Program Administrator” and know I run the day to day operation of a program and think I get paid well. The truth is I don’t. One, I work for a non-profit. And two, I work for a non profit struggling with budget issues in this economy. I don’t make the kind of money that other program directors do or even some mid-level supervisors in this area.

What I do make, though, covers my bills including my new car and the crazy insurance premiums that go with it. I am able to put some money towards my two major debt issues. In fact, I almost have one credit card paid off (the one that has all the Mustang repair bills on it; I shudder to think I’m still paying for a card I don’t own)! I am by a nature a generous person, but I hate being treated like I’m rich because of my position.

I do what I do because I love it. I have a passion for my program. While I wish I could say it wasn’t about money at all, I can’t; I have to be able to live. What it’s not about is wealth and affluence.

I will continue to push on with my job and my position that God so wonderfully granted me. I will continue to be a kidney advocate (just wait till March!) and giving to a cause that may have to give to me later in life. There is so much more to life than money, even pretend, assumed money.

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Don’t Worry, Be happy!!!

So, first of all I wanted to apologized that I have not blogged in a while. I actually did it on purpose, because there has been some major changes in my life and I wanted everything to settle down before I blogged about it. After being called out on my lack of blogging, I realized that it was time break my silence.

Mentally and spiritually, I have gone through a lot of changes. I realized that it is time for me to settle down in life. I am not talking about marriage and starting a family, but settling down in making decisions in my life and sticking with them. Decision making is one of my flaws. I was horrible at making personal decisions for my life. I would always second guess myself, which meant that I did not have a lot of confidence in what I decided. After many years of straddling the fence, God said was finally time to make some decisions in my life. And after the type of year I had last year, I understood why. When you are not confident in your decisions, you tend to make other rash one to compensate for what you thought may not work out. That has gotten me into a lot of trouble in financially, emotionally, and all the other -ly too! This showed my lack of faith in God and in myself. Well, I decided that I wanted to trust God. Here are some of the things I entrusted to God.

1. Paying my bills. I don’t know how I am able to pay my bills, put gas in my car, buy groceries, eat out, go to movies, and still be able to shop with the pay I recieve. I have to give all the credit to God, because I know there were times I did not know where my help was going to come from. Though I could go to my mom for money, I hate asking for money from my mom. I feel that now that I am in my 20s, I should be fiscally responsible for myself. Though I have been able to make ends meet, I know that I need to make more of an effort to save money. Which brings me to Claries…

2. Since I have been working at Claires, I have spent a lot on accessories. I guess it is the 50% off that is so very tempting. I am working on denying the flesh when I see a new item I want to add to me collection. Which should not be hard because my last day at Claires is tomorrow. I am super excited! Though I am going to miss the people I work with, I wont miss the physcial pain I experienced after a long day. Plus, I want to get more experience in my field. Which leads to the next major decision in my life.

3. I decided that I want to pursue a creative career. After volunteering in the technology department doing photography and sound and video production, I realized that I could do this all day everyday. It feeds my creative spirit on so many levels. Something I have not experience since I was a kid. It comes so naturally, and I love every minute of it. I am not giving up in my culinary dream, I am just taking a detour. I don’t know where this decision will take me, but I will trust God and let Him lead the way.

I have to go on the record and give my testimony on faith. I names this blog “Don’t Worry, Be happy” because that is what I decided to do this year. Everyone who knows me knows that I put a lot into this career pursuing thing. I have sacrificed a lot for it, but it has caused me a lot of stress, heartache, and relationships. To be honest, I treat my career like a boyfriend. lol. It is horrible, I know! Though this is very hard for me, I had to let go. I was in such a frenzy about deciding on a career, that I start putting my career before God. A BIG NO NO!!! After realizing that God was not going to move in my life unless I start putting Him first, I knew I had to change. Sometimes, I wish I could be like Paul, not worrying about anything but taking my cares to God and letting Him work out all the details. I finally got my wish, because I realized that I am living that wish. Currently, I don’t know what is next, will I be able to cover all my bills, will I be able to by those cute jeans I saw online, or will I get my dream job. All I can do is take my cares to God, and let Him do the work. That is exactly what I did with Claire’s. On December 31, 2011, I told God that I needed a new job in my field by January 15, 2012, but I would not leave Claires until they found another manager. Both things happened before January 15. I did not stress it, I just believed. I applied to every job I could, while also passing out applications to candidates who may be qualified to be a manager. It use to be that I would stress when I left a decision in God’s hands… Constantly, reminding Him of what I needed or even wanted. I was stressing the magnitude of the mountain and not the power of God. Now, I know that faith is hoping in what I do not see, but taking whatever steps I can to accomplish the goal. No, I had no control over who hires me, but God does. I just had to fill out the applications. I have a new understanding of faith and about my heavenly Father. Life is good, and God is worthy to be praise!

Living it up like Paul,

Bey

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Hehehehehehehehe

I am a super silly person. I love to laugh. I love to make people laugh. I love people who can make me laugh. If I had a a list of occupations that were most important, Comedians would definitely be at the top, way past astronauts or bee-keepers. They can take one of their most painful memories and make it into something funny..to me that’s amazing and a beautiful thing to be able to do. Laughing helps me forget my current situation. It makes me feel as though I have a million dollars. Having true joy in your life is necessary and makes for a better life.

How do I know? The Bible tells me so.

 Proverbs 17:22

 22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, 

   but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

 

1 Peter 1:8-9 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

 

As the laughing Cow says, ” Have you laughed today?”

 

 

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