One of my dear friends recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She is absolutely in love with this baby..I mean her eyes are literally gleaming every time she speaks about her. In fact, I watched this new mom watch her new bundle of joy sleep for well over an hour. Just sleep. And this reminded me of how I was when I first had my son. The love you feel is overwhelming…….now here comes the sucky part, like me she’s a single mom. That’s not the terrible part the terrible part was what I read that someone actually posted on a picture of her. I will paraphrase: What?? Why is everyone so excited, I hope she’s married to the father. If not why would we celebrate yet another single mother bringing a baby into the world that will most likely crowd or jails or graveyards”
Ok…….this subject is of course close to my heart because like I said I am a single mother and I remember the battle that I had when I found out that I was soon to have a baby and no wedding bells were to ever follow. I knew the judgements would come and they did. The whispers, the shaking of the heads all of it came. But the bigger my belly grew though the less shame I felt( i know that sounds so backwards), but the truth is the more I felt my son move the less I cared what others thought. He is my child, I would be the one changing diapers, staying up late, crying over him when he was sick. Not anyone in my church, not anyone in my family and def not anyone in society.
Now here’s the flip side that some use; Well it’s people like you who are draining our system. You’re on Medicaid, you’re on (whatever else there’s out there LOL) and my tax dollars are paying for all of that…. True.. BUT so are mine. I work just like everyone else and I know a lot of single mothers that work as well. In fact, yes I needed help when my son was first born but here I am not even two years later and I am off assistance. I used it for what it should be used for. To help me when I couldn’t afford to help myself. I just don’t get it.. the pro-lifers want every child to have a “right to life”, yet complain when a mother actually chooses life. I mean seriously do you think women WANT to have abortions?? You think a little girl playing with her barbies is saying : One day when I grow up.. I will get into a relationship with a man who says he loves me and then when I become pregnant he will leave or force me to walk my oh so happy self down to the clinic to abort our child”. yeah because that’s what all little girls dream of doing. What happens is she looks around. She sees how her life currently is, does she have support of friends and family if the guy is unsupportive. Does she have education, or someone willing to help her watch the child..does she have money for daycare, diapers, etc if no.. I will tell you abortion sounds like the logical choice to her. She’s barely able to take care of herself..how could she possibly take care of a child????
I was fresh out of college working a low paying job, living with my mother when I got pregnant. Sounds like the ideal circumstances right??? Of course not. I had to push through an extremely large amount of negativity in my choice to choose life for Daniel. And after he was here I worked like a mad woman to: 1) move out of my mothers home. 2) save money 3) go back to school 4) find a job that paid better wages. It wasn’t impossible, but back in October 2009 it seemed that way. I never thought I would be were I am today. I didn’t plan on being a single mother. BUT once I became one I decided that I would be the best mother (single or married) to that little boy and I have not broken that promise.
Here’s the deal: having sex before marriage is a sin. point. blank.period. I will never deny the fact that this is Biblical truth. I wouldn’t even argue that. What I cannot stand is what people have to say about single mothers. The way society is set up it’s all on the mother..we are the ones who must “hang our heads in proverbial shame” because we will not be the virginal bride. All of our children are doomed to be stick up kids and other unwed parents etc. etc. The thing is everyone sins. Your sin may never lead to a growing belly, but it might lead to you committing adulatory on your spouse, or hitting your spouse, lying on your taxes, cheating people out of honest wages (the list could go on and on). The battle on single mothers is real..and it really annoys me.
In fact on my last post about finding passions I had a FB commenter just go on and on about the choices a woman makes that will “lead her to the path of single motherhood”. There are a quite a few ways to end up a single mother, yes like me some are unmarried. But some are now divorced, some are widowed the path to single motherhood is not linear all the time. Also, let I also point out that maybe she is unmarried because the MAN doesn’t wanna marry her. We can’t make anyone marry us…so why is it her fault alone that she is another unmarried mother…also in many cases for the sake of the child it is better the couple not marry. Maybe she found out this man is not who he portrayed himself as, maybe he’s a man that doesn’t believe in being faithful..should she marry him simply to save herself the “shame” of it all????
A child should not always equal nuptials. In fact, there are some married couples who are having trouble in their marriage that should probably also wait to ever have children. We all have choices. Whether you agree with one’s decision or not you should respect it. Because as any parent knows (whether married or single) parenting is NOT easy. Everyday a single mother is reminded that she is in fact a single mother, she doesn’t need yet another set of eyes or voices telling her the obvious. SHE KNOWS already the cost of her sin. She knows.
This blog had absolutely nothing to do with my goals….well maybe it did I feel very prompted to write this blog. you can disagree with my views if you want, that’s perfectly fine. But know this…everyday there are women of every educational level, social economic level and race out there doing whatever it takes to make sure her child(ren) don’t go without.
No shame in my Game,