No Shame In My Game- Renee`

One of my dear friends recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She is absolutely in love with this baby..I mean her eyes are literally gleaming every time she speaks about her. In fact, I watched this new mom watch her new bundle of joy sleep for well over an hour. Just sleep. And this reminded me of how I was when I first had my son. The love you feel is overwhelming…….now here comes the sucky part, like me she’s a single mom. That’s not the terrible part the terrible part was what I read that someone actually posted on a picture of her. I will paraphrase: What?? Why is everyone so excited, I hope she’s married to the father. If not why would we celebrate yet another single mother bringing a baby into the world that will most likely crowd or jails or graveyards”

Ok…….this subject is of course close to my heart because like I said I am a single mother and I remember the battle that I had when I found out that I was soon to have a baby and no wedding bells were to ever follow. I knew the judgements would come and they did. The whispers, the shaking of the heads all of it came. But the bigger my belly grew though the less shame I felt( i know that sounds so backwards), but the truth is the more I felt my son move the less I cared what others thought. He is my child, I would be the one changing diapers, staying up late, crying over him when he was sick. Not anyone in my church, not anyone in my family and def not anyone in society.

Now here’s the flip side that some use; Well it’s people like you who are draining our system. You’re on Medicaid, you’re on (whatever else there’s out there LOL) and my tax dollars are paying for all of that…. True.. BUT so are mine. I work just like everyone else and I know a lot of single mothers that work as well. In fact, yes I needed help when my son was first born but here I am not even two years later and I am off assistance. I used it for what it should be used for. To help me when I couldn’t afford to help myself.  I just don’t get it.. the pro-lifers want every child to have a “right to life”, yet complain when a mother actually chooses life. I mean seriously do you think women WANT to have abortions?? You think a little girl playing with her barbies is saying : One day when I grow up.. I will get into a relationship with a man who says he loves me and then when I become pregnant he will leave or force me to walk my oh so happy self down to the clinic to abort our child”. yeah because that’s what all little girls dream of doing. What happens is she looks around. She sees how her life currently is, does she have support of friends and family if the guy is unsupportive. Does she have education, or someone willing to help her watch the child..does she have money for daycare, diapers, etc if no.. I will tell you abortion sounds like the logical choice to her. She’s barely able to take care of herself..how could she possibly take care of a child????

I was fresh out of college working a low paying job, living with my mother when I got pregnant. Sounds like the ideal circumstances right??? Of course not. I had to push through an extremely large amount of negativity in my choice to choose life for Daniel. And after he was here I worked like a mad woman to: 1) move out of my mothers home. 2) save money 3) go back to school 4) find a job that paid better wages.  It wasn’t impossible, but back in October 2009 it seemed that way. I never thought I would be were I am today. I didn’t plan on being a single mother. BUT once I became one I decided that I would be the best mother (single or married) to that little boy and I have not broken that promise.

Here’s the deal: having sex before marriage is a sin. point. blank.period. I will never deny the fact that this is Biblical truth. I wouldn’t even argue that. What I cannot stand is what people have to say about single mothers. The way society is set up it’s all on the mother..we are the ones who must “hang our heads in proverbial shame” because we will not be the virginal bride. All of our children are doomed to be stick up kids and other unwed parents etc. etc. The thing is everyone sins. Your sin may never lead to a growing belly, but it might lead to you committing  adulatory on your spouse, or hitting your spouse, lying on your taxes, cheating people out of honest wages (the list could go on and on). The battle on single mothers is real..and it really annoys me.

In fact on my last post about finding passions I had a FB commenter just go on and on about the choices a woman makes that will “lead her to the path of single motherhood”. There are a quite a few ways to end up a single mother, yes like me some are unmarried. But some are now divorced, some are widowed the path to single motherhood is not linear all the time.  Also, let I also point out that maybe she is unmarried because the MAN doesn’t wanna marry her. We can’t make anyone marry us…so why is it her fault alone that she is another unmarried mother…also in many cases for the sake of the child it is better the couple not marry. Maybe she found out this man is not who he portrayed himself as, maybe he’s a man that doesn’t believe in being faithful..should she marry him simply to save herself the “shame” of it all????

A child should not always equal nuptials. In fact, there are some married couples who are having trouble in their marriage that should probably also wait to ever have children. We all have choices. Whether you agree with one’s decision or not you should respect it. Because as any parent knows (whether married or single) parenting is NOT easy.  Everyday a single mother is reminded that she is in fact a single mother, she doesn’t need yet another set of eyes or voices telling her the obvious. SHE KNOWS already the cost of her sin. She knows.

This blog had absolutely nothing to do with my goals….well maybe it did I feel very prompted to write this blog. you can disagree with my views if you want, that’s perfectly fine. But know this…everyday there are women of every educational level, social economic level and race out there doing whatever it takes to make sure her child(ren) don’t go without.

No shame in my Game,

Renee`

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  1. #1 by EmpowerMoments - Take a MOMENT daily to EMPOWER you on January 4, 2012 - 6:59 pm

    Wow! I cannot believe that someone had the gall to write such a horrible comment on HER pic! I tip my hats off to you and other single mothers everywhere. Whatever situation brought you to this point is of no matter to me…I am just in awe of how you all hold it all together…BY YOURSELF. Continue to hold your heads high….and give your friend a high five for me!

  2. #2 by radical7even on January 4, 2012 - 10:20 pm

    I was horrified! I mean really everyone can have opinions but I thought that was super rude… But Thanks for the support. mothers can raise successful children IF she is letting GOD be the leader of her house. That makes the difference in every child’s life. Who is really leading that household, ya know 🙂

  3. #3 by Audrey on January 5, 2012 - 4:38 pm

    People continue to blow my mind. They continue to be rude and feel like since they have freedom to their thoughts and opinions, this also gives them the right to push them onto others. We live a world where people need to help and support each other, but instead we shun them. I wonder if people realize how un-Christ like it really is. The other things that always amazes me is that people go on about single mothers. I don’t hear of people posting on an absentee dad’s pic that he is letting his child end up in “jail or graveyards”. In fact, when we single dads, society seem to more sympathetic to their plight. The gender double standard runs rampant here.
    I just want you to know that I love you and Daniel. I am continuously proud of the things you two accomplish. Thanks for speaking your mind.
    ~Audrey

  4. #4 by radical7even on January 6, 2012 - 9:49 pm

    How many times have I fostered kids that came from a dysfunctional 2 parent home? The worst of my cases were like that. Those kids would have been so much better off with 1 good parent living on assistance if need be. Most times it is the dad who isn’t ready to be a dad that causes worst of the problems. The mothers who hang onto him in any way possible placing that dad above the child’s safety and needs. Addicts who contiually trip each other up or physically abusive relationships that the kid is stuck in. A kid with 1 good parent is so much better than the majority of this world’s children. The thought of a single mom actualy being the cause of her child’s future incarseration is laughable to me. If these people cared so much about the world’s problems maybe they should get up off their behinds and do something productive and kind. You know like that Jesus guy that we have all heard so much about. Daniel is was better off with just you than in a 2 parent home with a dad who does not vaue him. He is and always will be amazing.

  5. #5 by Renee N. Chaffin on January 10, 2012 - 3:14 pm

    AW!!! Pam thanks so much it means a lot to me to hear you say that (you being a super mom and I mean that in all seriousness). Parenting is not a job for the lazy of faint of heart and for you to open your home to children whose parents weren’t always the best to them is truly a ministry and I hope you realize that. I would not be successful as a person (not just a mother) if I wasn’t sincere and diligent in seeking God to really help change me. Who knows how I could/would be without Him (i honestly don’t want to know). I am just thankful for my love because he has helped me to grow in ways I didn’t know existed. I think if we look at children as blessings (irregardless of married or single) then I think the focus is on what it should be: the children. Not the “mistakes” of the mother, but on the Grace of God who saw fit to bless that mother with a life. Pregnancy/birth is nothing but a pure miracle.

  6. #6 by radical7even on January 15, 2012 - 4:00 am

    I completely agree with you Renee. You are doing an amazing job. Daniel is lucky to have you and we are all lucky you had Daniel. Nuff said. 🙂 -Kelly

  1. StepMomma 2-step-Reneé | radical7even

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