I don’t do New Years resolutions. I’m against the whole idea that we’re going to change just because it’s a new year if we don’t have true motivation for the change. This does not mean that the New Year is not a time to reflect on you life and look at things you want to change. I applaud those people who know they have changes to make and the New Year gets them kick started.
My friends and did a ritual in which we wrote down things from this year we wanted to leave behind and then burned the list. I am always not huge on sharing on things like this-even to them. The reason is the number one thing on that burn list: insecurity.
You would think after my recent promotion at work, I would feel secure and accomplished. But as I transition into a new role and start to handle additional stress, I am actually feeling more insecure. I’ve made some mistakes and that are making me rethink everything. This, compounded with by the fact I have been physically, sick has gotten me questioning myself everywhere even with friends and family.
When I was myself questioning things around my friends, I knew I was in trouble. It was time to deal with my lack of confidence and handle it like an adult woman. So I burned that list; burned that insecurity. I’ve decided that the mistakes were learning tools. A new position has a learning curve no matter what position or job it might be.
My co-worked and I were discussing this the yesterday. She was concerned about learning her role and adapting. So I confided in her that I was too. Right then we decided we would help each other adapt and encourage each other.
So as I go into the New Year, I vow to stop second guessing myself. To let my mistakes just be mistakes and not failures. To truly know in my heart that my girls loved me for whom I am, and wanted to help me with my mistakes.
As I walked away from the fire that night, I knew that this life long struggle with insecurity wouldn’t be easy to be beat, but with work I could do it. It was gonna be a good life.