I had to make a hard decision not to go forward with trying to get my thesis published. I just have too much going on already. I don’t want to live my life in a state of high anxiety anymore. I’ve done that for almost 8 years. I want to do a good job now with my families at FFN and come home to relax with my family. I’m hanging up my overachiever hat for now. Time to live the life I’ve always wanted. I want to be a better family member and friend; no more taking on too much to do this. It’s a bitter-sweet feeling… mostly sweet.
Also, I’m going to be really ‘Radical’ here and be honest about a decision that’s been greatly inspiring/comforting to me lately, even though I like to be private. That’s the point of this blog right? I’ve hired a wonderful certified midwife to assist me with prenatal care and through the birthing process. She has birthing attendants (doulas) that are helpful as well in encouragement and positioning during labor. Vicky herself has 38 years of experience with helping women through all types of labors.
I’m not any kind of superwoman or that different from most other women I know. Natural childbirth has been happening for centuries. It’s only now and in some countries that having your baby without medical intervention (unless necessary) is somehow considered ABNORMAL. I know it will hurt. However, many women I’ve spoken with since I made this decision have told me stories of how their births were natural and highly rewarding. One lucky woman told me her birth pains at worst were no worse than menstrual pains. I’m not counting on having an especially easy labor. I’m just more comfortable in the privacy of my own home with the freedom to move about and eat/drink as I please.
I understand people may be surprised or concerned if they haven’t done this themselves or if they had difficult labors. The thing that some people don’t get is that this is my birth experience and these are my options. I educated myself and made this decision. If you are supportive, then I appreciate your comments/thoughts on the subject. However, I don’t owe anyone an explanation to justify my decision. Support me or keep your thoughts to yourself. In the end I’ll either give birth at home or finish at a hospital should I have any complications.
I never would have thought being pregnant would be such a personal experience and that people would talk about me and my decisions as if they’re up for public debate. However, I let the frustrations go and remember that everyone who talks to me about this does so because they care. Likewise, anyone who steps across that line will have to get over it when I tell them how this isn’t their business.
We’ll all survive. In the end, I’ve prayed about all my decisions and am finally voicing my thoughts in an assertive way. Being complacent to be ‘nice’ gets you nowhere. God gave me an inquisitive mind for a reason. I can figure out my own way. At this point my goal is to be positive and loving towards others. In the process, I’m also letting go of any responsibility to put up with disrespect or inconsideration. I don’t hold grudges, but I don’t take crap either.
This is my journey at the moment. Thanks for accompanying me! Much love until next time. 🙂