Playing Dress Up~Audrey

I feel like a house divided. I know where how God wants me right now. But its how he wants me to do it is what confuses me.

I pride myself in following my guts and thinking through things with clear insight. I try to make decisions based on those things as well as, when appropriate feedback from others, and the situation itself to come to a good conclusion for everyone involved.

I have been in leadership positions many times. I care about what I do and try to do the best for the program I am working with. The same goes for my current job. I take into consideration the riders, co-workers, horses and volunteer. This makes the choices not always easy but I usually feel good about what I have decided. I feel like God has led me in the right direction.

But then I have others that want to question me. As I build up confidence, I am getting at ease with the questions, because truly, no one should ever follow blindly. My trouble seems to be who’s questioning me and how I react to it.

I have new relationships with my superiors now. I am trying to balance the right amount of obedience and fight. I don’t mean fight, like cause problems, but to “fight” by sticking up for what I believe the program needs. In the past, I have nodded and asked questions, because I wasn’t the one in the position to question things. But now I am.

A good example: dealing with anger and how when to let someone know a decision ahs angered me. Sometimes it angers me because I know what I did was the best thing, but others don’t see it that way. Or when it comes to defending other.  How angry is expectable? How much anger is disrespectful?

I tried on the anger dress, the obedience suite, the questioning smock and many more. But I need a suit if armor made of all of this. I need to be do many things at once including is strong but giving.

Learning how to do this is hard. I know that God is teaching me as I am adapting to dealing with more people than just him. I am just proud, that at the end of the day, I have done what I felt God has asked me to do. I have decided that if for some reason, this isn’t what others want, and then he will lead me to something more. He hasn’t forsaken me yet.

  1. Ask and ye Shall Receive~Audrey « radical7even

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