Focus on my Purpose

Honesty is a fickle thing. Everyone says they want it but most want it wrapped in pretty bows or not at all. There are very few people that I can count on to be honest with me or who won’t abandon me for being honest with them. Those people are good for the soul. There is no fake words or guessing games. How many times have I heard people say that you should talk things out? Then you pour out your heart only to have someone dismiss what you shared as drama. How about when you try to set boundaries only to be told that you are not forgiving as a true Christian should? How bad does it have to be before you should walk away from someone? That must be a question on the minds of battered women all over the world. Should you put up with more from your family members than from your friends? How many times should you try to fix things with someone who does not want to be part of your life? This is the set of questions/problems that I have dealt with for the past year or so. It is a personal thing but has poisoned ties with several members of my family. I will not claim to have all the answers. I know I have prayed about this and read the Bible searching for these answers. Searching for a way to fix this. This situation has brought me down to the point that I do not feel loved, wanted, or accepted by several members of my family anymore. I try not to ask for help from any of my family now even if I need it badly. I have lost the place I used to hold with them. I am someone with a lot going on in my life. I spend very little time on fun or relaxing. I like to work and accomplish things. Still, I have decided that I am tired of focusing on something so negative. Some things just do not work out. God will give me the strength I need to move on. I will not let this situation steal my joy or self worth anymore. The people who love me will still love me. I am sorry if the way things are makes them uncomfortable. I am the one that has to live my life and it does not belong to anyone else. If it helps they can rest assured that this rift has caused me even more pain and embarrassment than them. Now, I am going to focus on enjoying the blessings that God has given to me. I am a chosen child of God and part of an awesome church family. I have a brilliant husband and 8 precious children. I have some very supportive friends and family. I have a safe and happy home with everything I need and most of what I want. I have a purpose and I do not want to be distracted from it anymore. Does that mean I will instantly stop hurting? No, but I am going on with my ministry and leaving this pain in God’s hands. So if you feel like judging me, that is fine. I won’t fault you for it. Honestly, I have done all I can do and taken all that I am going to take. I will forgive but I am not trying to convince any of my family to treat me like family anymore. They either will or they won’t. As long as you live there will be pain and distractions. Just keep your focus on God, His blessings, and the work He has for you. This is our whole purpose for being here. Where is your focus? Do you see your worth as a child of God? He does and you were chosen for a particular purpose. Do not let pain from anything in your life keep you from that purpose. Just give it to Him and move on.

  1. #1 by Michelle Allen on February 7, 2012 - 5:13 am

    Very well said! I love you! It is better to focus on positive things. People need to respect your feelings and any boundries you place. If you truely care about someone then you respect their thoughts, feelings, and decisions! You will always have a place in my life and in our family! I truely feel that God blessed me with not only a best friend but a sister when he brought you into my life!

  2. #2 by radical7even on February 7, 2012 - 8:14 pm

    Hey hun!! you didn’t put your name LOL but seriously, sometimes we hold too tight and God has to bring us to a broken place so He can get glory from it. I have a real life example with Daniel’s dad, when I kept trying to force things, or fight for how i thought things would be the situation was just stressful. The moment I let go and really gave it to God, He’s made this thing a true testament to His Awesome power of restoration. God honors families and love. It doesn’t always look how we want, but He’s the only One who can change people…even us

  3. #3 by radical7even on February 8, 2012 - 4:49 am

    Thank you both. That was not an easy post but I feel that there was healing in getting that out. Renee, I did not realize that I had omitted my name. I went back and tagged it. As humans we really can mess things up when we want to fix them. Giving it to God is the smartest thing I have done. Michelle, you know I love you just as much. The way we met shows me how God can bring relationships together from the hardest situations. I am so thankful for that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: