Relationship Woes ~Venus

Last  week I was an emotional wreck. Last Saturday,  took the cake because I got  really depressed. I had seen a picture of my ex (the one before my current ex) and his new girlfriend. I for some reason began to cry. I cried for over 15 mins and I remained depressed for the next couple of hours. I felt like Ally from “The Notebook”  when she was in her wedding dress and she saw Noah in the newspaper. When Ally saw Noah in the newspaper she fainted and then was later in the bathtub in her veil crying her eyes out. Yes, I watched “The Notebook” last Saturday. Lol! Anyway I felt like that the rest of the night.

I had a rough sleep last Saturday. Also Sunday and Monday of this week. The biggest revelation I had this week was that I still have some  feelings for my ex “Mike”  (the one before my current ex) which is shocking to me. I thought those feelings were  long gone. I guess they were suppressed. I realized this week that last yr, I should have given myself more time to heal and focus on myself instead of jumping into a relationship. I should had given myself more time to get to know my current ex “John”. When John came into my life, it was easy to bury my feelings of Mike since I had someone who I was interested in..I guess I can say he was kind of a distraction of my situation during that time.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my current relationships and thinking about what I should have done differently. I learned that I accepted “unacceptable behaviors” in both relationships. Behaviors such as being controlled, lack of communication, and manipulation just to name a few. Since I been at home, I been having A LOT of time to think..lol..I usually don’t have that time to think on the level I am now b/c I’m usually working or distracted. I can’t wait until this “storm” is over. I been going through a lot emotionally. I can say this week has been a lot better than last week.

I’m also going through financially since I’m not working right now. I’ll be glad when I go back to work at the end of the month. I’m trying my best to not stress myself out. Yesterday, my co-worker made me upset again. She asked me if she could borrow $50 until  next Tuesday. This is the same co-worker that asked me for $20 last week and $20 the week before that. She did pay me back the $40  on last Friday.  I had to tell her “no” yesterday and for her to ask someone else to help her.  I’m really low on money and I can’ afford to lend her anything else.  She told me not to worry about it which I was glad. I don’t mind helping people every now and then but yesterday was my last straw. I get tired of lending her money (even though she pays me back). I know how it is to struggle financially but I shouldn’t always be the one getting called to lend money. I feel like I’m being used and that’s not a good feeling. So I’m not going to lend her anymore money If she gets mad, she  is just going to have to be mad at me. I had to vent ya’ll! lol!

Back to relationship woes (lol): It feels kind of funny focusing on myself because I’m not used to it at all! I’m used to putting other people needs before my own. I’m learning how important it is to wait on God and not to move ahead of him. So until God gives me the “green light” on getting into another relationship, I’m laying low. I’m going to get me together and focus on growing more spiritually! Like Katt Williams says, you have to get in tune w/  your #1 player (yourself)!! God bless!

~Venus

**The names in this post, are fake except my name lol..

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  1. #1 by starsinhereye on May 21, 2012 - 6:42 pm

    I love that you are so honest in this post! It is always amazing how long we hang onto feeling with a relationship and how long it takes to “get over” someone. I am so glad you are having time to yourself to get to take care of you. Take youir time and deal with all your feelings! Just remember, you are always loved!
    ~Audrey

  2. #2 by Venus on May 22, 2012 - 5:46 am

    Thanks Audrey! Yes, it is crazy w/ feelings! I didn’t know those feelings were still in my heart..I’m glad for the time off too! I can really sit back and analyze everything! I’ll be definitely be dealing w/ everything over the summer! I’m trying to get myself back on track. Love you too Audrey!~Venus

  3. #3 by Renee N. Chaffin on May 22, 2012 - 2:20 pm

    Hey Venus,
    Self care is important and sometimes we don’t realize how important until we are made to face the situation. Most of the time we also cry because of how we remember the past and not exactly how the past was..for instance you said that your ex was abusive…if he has not fixed that problem that probably means his current girlfriend is going through exactly what God released you from. Pictures do not always tell the full story. When emotions like that come up, praise God that you are no longer in that situation. Remember the Children of Egypt how they cried out to God for 400 years and then while in the desert they lamented and wanted to go back to slavery! how often do we do that? Pray for release and then because things feel foreign to us we want to go back. Continue to look forward, remember that letter you wrote to yourself about what you deserve. Maybe print it out and read it anytime you feel like you did the other day. God will comfort you, but until we are completely satisfied with where we are at He won’t move us forward. Why? Because we will continue to look back! I’ll be praying for forward and upward movement for you sweets.

  4. #4 by Venus on May 23, 2012 - 3:55 am

    Hey Renee! I’m having mixed emotions.. Thanks so much for the advice! You said a mouthful! You’re snapping me back into reality..lol..Especially w/ the story of the children of Egypt. That story hits home! I definitely don’t want to be back in “Egypt”. However, I do have my moments when I think of how my life was in my past. Thanks for your prayers! Love you too!!! ~Venus

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