Before I get to the juicy stuff, here is an update on my goals:
1) Being more social is going well. I’m keeping in touch with friends out of state a bit better. (baby steps) I’m more social at work, which is important for sanity reasons. It is much nicer being overworked in good company rather than getting in the zone and realizing I’ve been lonely all day. I’m so thankful for my fun, thoughtful co-workers.
2) This goal of disengaging from fruitless efforts has gone pretty well at work. I’ve stopped focusing on making my parents like me to the detriment of actually getting the job done. I still go the extra mile when parents are willing to meet me half-way, but I’ve stopped wasting my time. For example, I will give any parent a ride to rehab that needs transportation, but I will not spend an hour begging them to get clean for their kids. I’m focusing on the clients that want and are ready for help. So far I’m much more productive.
3) I did go to church once out of two possible times since my last post. It was wonderful. I really enjoyed getting out of the house as a family. The pastor at the Presbyterian Church in DeFuniak made me feel welcome. It is a potential home church for us.
4) I have a kumquat tree, two muscadine vines, basil, thyme, and parsley. This is a good start. 🙂 I’m also composting at Pam’s house. She has a really cool compost bin (if you are into that kind of thing). In a couple of months we should have good compost ready to use.
5) Not good at leaving work at work. I excel at leaving work late and using weekend time as well. I almost never include all the hours I work on my time sheets. I know they can’t pay me as much as I work. (safe zone–can’t be held against me)
6) I have a good book on how previous sexual abuse effects the birthing experience. It was recommended by my lactation consultant, whom I adore. I’m making my way through slowly but surely.
7) Done! I’m eating very healthy. Tonight I made a dairy and non-dairy lasagna, organic steak, and grilled shrimp for my family. Everyone loved it, or at least that’s what they told me! 😀
Onto the good stuff…
I’m having pretty radical thoughts in terms of something I’ve been seriously contemplating since my second trimester of pregnancy. Actually, it was Beyondai I’ll credit with first getting the thought process rolling. Back before I realized pregnancy is an incredible thing, I did not take my positive pregnancy test well at all. I complained and felt sorry for myself during the first few weeks of pregnancy. Beyondai reminded me in a wise, tough love approach, something along these lines, “Kelly you should be thankful because some women can’t have children. You are blessed. God would not give you more than you could bear.” I realized soon after how superficial and narrow-minded I was acting.
I have two women in my family who had issues having biological children. I won’t say who they are, but I can say I greatly admired their perseverance and love their bravery in pursuing the family they dreamed of. Now they are both happy parents: one through adoption and the other biologically. I also have quite a few friends that won’t be able to have children when they want to start families, because they are in same-sex relationships. It is ironic that I became pregnant so easily, but others who desperately want to have babies can’t sometimes. Not being able to have biological children may not seem like a big deal to some, but to those who dream of it, not being able to have their biological children can be a heart-wrenching experience. Many couples, gay and straight, turn to gestational surrogates (some call them ‘angels’) to help them realize their dream.
This brings me to my current interest in becoming a gestational surrogate. I loved being pregnant and miss it dearly. I can’t imagine a more beautiful experience than helping give a baby to his or her loving, joyful parents for the first time. What a beautiful journey that is for some surrogates and parents. Of course you hear those horror stories about babies that are born like a business transaction, or surrogates who try to keep babies. There are awful examples of almost any endeavor. I have been reading many happy, success stories that I have found and that the other HIS girls have given me links to lately. It really can be an experience that creates not only a new family, but also lifelong friendships. That’s what I want.
So there we are… I’m in the early planning stages of becoming a gestational surrogate. Just to clarify this means the baby belongs to the parents genetically as well as legally. I would not be donating eggs or making a baby myself, but providing a safe, healthy place for someone else’s baby to grow.
This is a controversial topic I realize. I have gone into this with prayerful consideration. I pray every day this will work out only if it is meant to, and with the right parents. I’m following my girl Renee’s wise advise when she told me to follow as God directs. I get more excited and sure each day that this is perfect for me. Nathan is behind me 100%, as are my closest family and friends so far.
I don’t mind answering any questions anyone has. I do ask anyone who has something to say on the topic to be respectful, considering this is an intensely personal topic I’m putting out here for everyone to see. It’s awkward introducing such a personal decision online. At the same time I’m very excited to talk it over. It may take years before I find the right couple to help. In the meantime, I’ll keep praying. Pray with me when you remember. 🙂