The End of October! ~Venus

Hey everyone! It’s funny that this is the last day of October and I’m doing my 2nd post for the month. o_O  Anyone that knows me  know that I’m random especially with my thinking so this post is going to be a little scattered. Anyway my radical moment for this month was applying to a job and finishing my application w/ Americorps. I did that last week.  My friends were really supportive and gave me a deadline of when to have it done. The deadline was last Friday. My friends have been really “on me” about applying for jobs. I haven’t been on top of that goal as much as I should have been. However, I’m glad that my friends really pushed me and gave me a deadline. I’m going to be honest, w/o that deadline I probably wouldn’t have got my application done and applied to that job. Thanks to my HIS for giving me tough love!!! I love ya’ll!

Another thing that was very awesome for me was trying on bridesmaid dresses w/ my friends. One of my friends is getting married and it so surreal to be a part of the wedding planning process! The realization that I was going to be a bridesmaid actually set in when I went to the bridal shop. I know it might sound crazy..lol.. I never been a bridesmaid before or been to a bridal shop. I was like WOW this is what it feels like! lol!! I’m so happy that my friend is getting married next year! =)

So onto a personal story I would like to share. Last month many people remembered 9/11. I remember being at high school on that day in class just hearing about what happened. 9/11 was also the day of my grandmother Sarah’s funeral. I didn’t attend her funeral. I hate funerals and anything associated w/ death.  I remember one of my classmates asking me why I didn’t attend my grandma’s funeral..I was like I didn’t want to go..lol..To understand my reasonings I have to give more information. I moved to Alabama, Dec. 2000. Before I  moved to AL, I used to live in Mesquite, TX which 30 mins away from Dallas. I’m originally from Dallas, TX. My life in TX was a lot different. I grew up in the city in a mixed neighborhood. I was used to being around different kinds of people and being around my church family. My mom and I  attended church in Dallas. We attended Heartline Ministries (I have so many memories of that church).

My grandma always had health problems. My grandma had a massive stroke and heart attack. No one in the family could take care of her so my mom decided  that we were going to move to AL. I remember being so pissed about it. I wasn’t happy because I was going to leave my friends and I would have to give up all my toys (lol). Our apts caught on fire I want to say in 1999. My mom and I just came back from visiting her family in AL.  I received a lot of Christmas presents that year. Many people from the community helped us out financially and gave all the kids presents.  We were able to get new furniture and clothes. I remember seeing a lot of motorcyclists with tons of items. I also remember the American Red Cross helping us out. We were able to move to another bldg in the apts we were living in. The apt bldg we lived in prior the new one, had smoke damage but none of our stuff got burned up. During the time of the fire, my mom and I went out to eat at Ryan’s I believe.

Back to the story, my mom moved to AL first and I stayed to in TX w/ her friends to finish the 1st half of my 8th grade year then I moved to TX.  We moved in my grandmother’s house. I went from living to the city to living in the country..Yeah it was completely different..lol..My grandmothers’ house was in a black community, something that I wasn’t used to. I also went to a black school in Tuskegee, again something I wasn’t used to. I was ahead of everybody else in my class education wise because the things that they were learning, I been learned that! lol. I’m not trying to brag or anything but Alabama is super slow okay! lol.

Anyway it took me a while to adjust to being a new state and being around my mom’s family. I never grew up with my mom’s family because we lived in another state. We visited AL from time to time. I also would visit my dad’s side of the family which I wasn’t used to. My mom and I took care of my grandma until she passed away. I watched my grandma lay in her bed (she was bedridden) and not being able to say anything really (besides moaning when she was in pain) since the stroke affected her speech. The stroke has affected her ability to walk.  I would help my mom feed my grandma by feeding tube, empty her pee pouch (I can’t think of the technical term lol), and change her diaper. My mom did most of the caretaking even though I helped. I remember my mom using the lifter to put my grandmother in her lazy chair so she wouldn’t be in the bed all the time. We also had a nurse that would come to the house to help w/ my grandma. It sucks when you have to see someone you love not being able to say anything and not move around. She was just “there”. I was at home when my grandmother passed away. I attended her wake (I cried like a baby) but I couldn’t bear the funeral so I didn’t go. My grandmother passed away Friday, Sept. 6, 2001 and again her funeral was on Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001. The funny thing is this year, the day she passed and the day we had her funeral were on the exact same days (on a Friday and a Tuesday). It took me a while to get over my grandmother’s death. I wish I could had been around her more. My older cousins grew up with her so they knew her better than I did. I knew that my grandmother loved me. She would always send me cards and when I would visit AL she was very nice to me. Most of the time when I did she her, she was sick. My grandma lived to 80 yrs old.

At the time that I was taking care of my grandma, I didn’t understand it. I was like why I have to move to AL. I hated AL so much. I couldn’t understand why I had to give up the comfortable life I had. I know all that sounds really selfish but I was around 13 when I moved so you have to understand my mindset. Now that I’m older, I understand the reason why we moved here. I understand now that you have to make sacrifices to take care of the ones you love. You don’t want to one day think of when your love one passed away, what you could have done to assist them. You have to do it while their living. I don’t regret taking care of my grandmother. However, I kind do wish my mom and I moved back to TX like after my grandma passed of course. lol.. I often think of what our life would had been like if we would had stayed in TX. I understand what caretakers go through to take care of their loved ones. Being a caretaker isn’t easy. It’s hard work! As a caretaker, you have to make some sacrifices to take care of someone else.  It’s no longer about you and how you feel. It’s about the person you’re taking care of. You have to make sure that they have everything they need and try your best to assist them with the tasks they can’t do themselves. God bless!

~Venus

P.S. I couldn’t think of a title for my post so hence the title..lol..

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  1. #1 by Renee N. Chaffin on October 31, 2012 - 11:39 am

    I love you Venus. You’re always so open and honesty and transparent. I had no idea how the passing of your grandmother affected you. Its a beautiful story though of how you all pulled together to support her at the end of her life. Although she couldn’t verbally express it I’m sure she was glad to have family around. I haven’t been a caretaker in that since so I’m sure its difficult. Ironcially you and I moved to AL at the same time! I came the second half of my 8th grade yr and hated AL too! Lol it took a lot of adjustments and I never thought i’d stay but here we are. I’m glad God moved us here…I wouldn’t have you or any of the other HIS 🙂 thanks so much for sharing, it wasn’t scattered

  2. #2 by Venus on November 1, 2012 - 8:06 am

    Hey Nee! I love you too! Thanks for the compliment about me being open! I really do appreciate it! =) Yes, it was really hard for my family to deal w/ my grandmother’s death. I agree that should would had been happy w/ of us around. =) I didn’t know that you moved to AL around the same time I did. That’s crazy! Where did you move from? That’s true that we wouldn’t have met, if we weren’t in AL. =) I still don’t love AL but I don’t hate it either! lol! I’m glad that my post wasn’t scattered! I also worry about it not making sense because I be sleepy and tired when I write! lol!

  3. #3 by starsinhereye on November 1, 2012 - 3:08 pm

    Hey girl! So proud of you completing the job application! Just remember that God moves you in mysterious ways and you seem to see that! Love you girl!
    ~Audrey

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