Hey everyone! I have radical moments that happened since I last wrote. This month, I filed my taxes by myself. I never did that before. I usually have my mom file for me and I give her the money of how much it costs to file. So I took a big girl step by doing that..lol..Another radical moment I had was going on a lunch date on yesterday. It was very nice! I wish that I could had spent more time w/ the guy I went out with. =( I appreciate the time he took out his day to visit me and take me out for lunch. The last radical moment I had was finishing Let the Church Say Amen by Reshonda Tate Billingsley (I love her books!). I began reading a new book called Sinners and Saints by Reshonda Tate Billingsley and Victoria Christopher Murray. I’m currently on Chapter 19. If I’m not mistaken, I began reading the book sometime last week. I can’t believe I’m halfway through it!
Earlier this week I was really depressed. More like 2 days ago..lol..I feel so much better today! I’m feeling more like myself now. A few days ago, I felt like crap. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I felt as if I was grieving a person. I was grieving an identity of myself. I was depressed because of a disappointment that I dealt when I was in college. The disappointment happened Fall 2009. I was doing an internship in the Social Work major and I failed. I was planning on graduating that semester and things didn’t turn out the way I thought they would. I had to change my major to something else (Sociology), get my financial aid back, and accept the fact that I was no longer in the Social Work major. I was upset, disappointed, and confused. Back then, I was also going through turmoil w/ the roommates I had. I want to say that point of time was the worst time of my life. There was some blessings came out of the disappointment. I was able to get my minor in Social Work, the financial aid that I got back paid my tuition in full, I rented my textbooks (it saved me a lot of money), and I graduated in Spring 2010. I graduated w/ a B.A. in Sociology w/ a concentration in Social Organization and Inequality w/ a minor in Social Work. I also made peace w/ my roommates over the summer of 2010 before we all moved out the apartment. My life coach mentioned to me that I should get counselling for what happened to me and also to reach out to my instructors from the Social Work Program. I have done both things. I haven’t heard back from one of my instructors yet.
I really want to heal from that disappointment so I can move forward with my life. What happened to me in college, affected me a lot. It affected how I thought about myself. I felt as if I wasn’t good enough because I failed my internship and that I didn’t get my degree in what I wanted. I have been trying to figure out since then who am I? I know it might sound silly but I had a dream of being a Social Worker. I found Social Work during my Sophomore of college at AUM. It changed my life. I found at that moment what I wanted to do. Before I found Social Work, I was unhappy because the other majors I had didn’t interest me. Well Sociology does interest me..lol. I went from Computer Science to Information Systems to Sociology w/ a minor in Social Work, Social Work (the full major), and to Sociology w/ concentration in Social Organization and Inequality a minor in Social Work. I find it funny how I went back to getting my major in Sociology w/ a minor in Social Work..
Now that I got my story out the way, I want to dedicate this 2nd half of my post to a funeral. I know you’re probably thinking what do I mean by a funeral? lol! It’s time for some things to die in my life that has been holding me back. When my mom was in elementary school, one of her teachers told her class that they were going to have a funeral for the word I can’t (basically of things that can’t do). So with that being said, it’s time for the death of my past disappointments, depression, fear, lack of confidence, self-doubt, negative thinking, and any spiritual stronghold that has been holding me back. I’m tired of these things getting the best of me. I know that I can’t conquer these things overnight but I know w/ God’s help I will. I hope that you too will give some things in your life a funeral. It’s time for things to DIE!!!! God bless!
P.S. Today has been 10 months that I’ve been single. 2 more months and it will be a yr! WOW!