It Is Not Ours to Wonder Why
I have tried to stay upbeat. I know that with God on my side I can do anything. Sure I have agreed I could do with a bit of luck and some good vibes. But I have not lamented to god “Why me?”
I hate this. I know people who do this. For on, it’s selfish. As if God has taken time out of his busy schedule do deal you a bad hand. He’s nor up there saying. “Audrey, you gossiped, so I smite you.” This doesn’t happen. He answers my prayers when I come to them with them, not based on my daily sin tally.
I refuse to let my health get me down. I have numbness in my feet and pain in my legs. I have been tested for things but they have no idea what is going on. No MS. No Stroke. No Lupus. I feel like an episode of House. I know that I am patient and pray that God will find the answers. He isn’t punishing me.
I have tried not think “Why me?” I have sometimes thought about how I deserve and don’t deserve things, but then I realize I must lose this idea and let God handle everything.
I had another aunt die recently. While I was in the hospital in fact, I had not spoken with her for a long time and had pretty much written her off. She had done horrible things to the family, and I refuse to let her in my life to wreck more havoc. I try to remember when I was little, before she did those things. I mourn that person but had trouble bringing up the sorrow; I had mourned for that woman since she changed. In fact, I wasn’t the only one that felt this way. I felt sorry for her dying alone and unloved.
This is why I don’t ask “why me?” Why I focus on others in life. Why I focus on love. I don’t want to end up like my aunt. Alone with people mourning for a woman I was twenty years ago.
This seems harsh, I know. I decided a long time ago, love propelled life and I should cut out the haters. This made life better for me and those around me. So when, I get troubled dished out, “I say brining it on. God and I will figure this out.”
I trust God to bring some easiness and happiness my way. We must all go through times of plenty, times of need, times of hurt, and times of happiness’s. It’s not mine to wonder why, but mine to do or die.