Big Boy Blues-Renee`


When we last left our heroine she was deciding to put fear behind her. And…thank God I am still trying to be faithful to that declaration. I have applied for a few things I consider “outside” of the box so I can learn about the resources in my area. I joined a Non Profit team with United Way about two months ago. Being on the team I get to set up face-to-face meetings with executive directors and learn more about their agencies. I finished my list early last month..and this week was invited to do a few more calls, because they thought i did a good job 🙂 I also applied for a junior board membership for an organization that mentors young girls. I am unsure if I will even be considered since I don’t have many connections (just yet), but volunteering and mentoring specifically are close to my heart. I have also signed on to be a SHIP volunteer ( a volunteer that helps seniors navigate the web that is Medicaid and Medicare). So I am proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone.  

I am still battling the anxious monster about school. Part of me wants to go back and get my Master’s the other part looks at the debt I accumulated in undergrad and wonder if it would even be worth it..I am still praying for clarification on that one.

You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with the title of this doesn’t lol but I am getting to that. Just a few short days ago my first born son (and only biological child) turned 3. Yes 3…not 21, or 18, or even 5 ,but three years old. For some that aren’t me..three is not a huge milestone.Most people don’t understand why I get so emotional about my son’s let I explain. Most know my story and the fact that from the moment I took the pregnancy test I knew I would be a single mother. What some might not know is the utter guilt and shame I felt for getting pregnant and not being married. I was a good girl that truly believed that sex was for marriage and I never saw myself not being a virgin until I married. I am not be any means saying I am a victim and I know pregnancy is preventable, but I do know that the circumstances that lead me here are much deeper than I want to go through on this blog…SOOOO to find myself not only pregnancy, but without a partner was not something I imagined for myself.In all honesty it took me a little bit for me to really “own” my part in becoming a single parent.

The few years that I was a single mother; my son and I endured many hardships, but God was so faithful. I worked as hard as I could to make sure that I was able to provide for him and not live off the “system”. In my family people just don’t have babies outside of marriage..I was the first one, but I was determined that one thing would not be my enduring legacy.The reason I get teary eyed is because every single year since my son has been born, my life has improved. This husband and stepson were able to celebrate this milestone with us. Signifying the true answer to my prayers when I was a wobbling early 20 something single pregnant mamma: a family. I wanted to give my son a two-parent household, I wanted him to have a consistent male in his life..I wanted a daddy for him and a companion for me. The tears I shed now are simply because I have more than I could ever imagine in all aspects. I have a healthy son, a growing family, and a career..all things I was so afraid I wouldn’t achieve at first. With God all things are possible..and He can use a misstep for a truly wonderful setup.




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  1. #1 by starsinhereye on July 3, 2013 - 6:43 pm

    *hands tissue*
    Love you girl! each day forward is radical! We are truly blessed!

  2. #2 by Venus on July 3, 2013 - 7:30 pm

    Hey Nee!!!! I’m proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone with the volunteering! I hope that you gain some great networking connections by doing that!!! It’s crazy how Daniel is 3 yrs old now! He is truly growing up! I’m glad that God gave you your husband, stepson, and career! Who would had thought that all this would happen a couple of years ago? God has truly blessed you and your son’s life! I’m proud of you for talking about your struggles as a single parent. Love you!! ~Venus

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