Ride or Die
On Saturday I was ready to give up. For those of you following my story, I have spent the last month dealing with numbness in my hands and toes as well as joint pain. I have been to the hospital twice and seen a slew of doctors. But we have no idea what is going on with me.
A week and a half ago, I went to see a neurologist. I was excited because surely they would have some answers. They did a nerve conduction test where they zapped my legs with low wattage electricity and count the reaction time to see if my nerves were functioning correctly. There was a little discomfort but as they got to my knees, there was massive pain. By the end of the test I was almost crying. But everything in my nerves was normal.
They did a second test. I am unsure of what it was called but it was to test the muscles in my legs. The doctor inserted needles into the muscles in order to see if there was functioning properly. This caused me major pain. But the results were normal.
So imagine me at 9 am after being electrocuted and poked. I was in massive pain and had no answers. I was frustrated but talked to my girls and prayed. I came up with a game plan for when I see my family doctor again. I felt better emotionally but not physically. I have since had muscles spams in my legs and feet and sometimes up my entire body. It’s horrible.
But I could deal with that. It was the events of last Friday that broke me.
At work, someone had left a rake out in tall grass with the tines up. Like a cartoon, I stepped on it and wacked myself in the head. I was lucky enough not to black out but it hurt, I was nares, and my cognitive functions were screwy. After everything I had been through, I had a concussion as well. I went to the doc yesterday and they made me go to the ER to get a CT scan. I had no bleeding but did have a contusion. Everyone had been worried because I had hurting for five days. But I have a good prognosis.
It was Saturday that got my spirits back up. Even though I hurt, I took a pain pill and went with my family to the movies. I was dying to see the latest Fast & Furious, and wasn’t going to let my health stop me. I’m glad I did because it was one line that reminded me that I had to keep going: Ride or Die.
As a metaphor for life it’s the same as Go Hard or Go Home. I never go Home, I always go Hard. I was going to get in in that metaphorical car and Ride. No way I was going to lie down to Die.
Since then, I have been more upbeat. This doesn’t mean I haven’t allowed myself to cry. I have because sometimes you just have to let it out all out. I am blessed with people that allow me to do that.
So I write today not physically better but emotionally on the right track.