Familiar Places ~Venus

Hello everyone! I’m trying to figure out how to write this post because I have a lot going on in my mind as usual..lol.. When I write, I have ideas of what I would like to mention but I don’t ever write anything out. I write from the top of my head. If you read my post “Caught Up” then you know what I’m going through. You may wonder why I named this post Familiar Places, well if you continue reading you will know why. A familiar place is a place that you’ve been to several times. You’re very acquainted with. My familiar place is lust. I truly thought that it was something I overcame but when I started talking to “Wale” it reappeared HEAVILY. Hebrews 21:1-2 KJV states “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God”. After doing some self-evaluation, I realized that lust is my besetting sin. Let me explain. As you some of you may or may not know, I’m celibate. I’ve been celibate for 2 yrs and 9 months. It’s been kind of rough. When I met “Wale” I was instantly attracted to and had chemistry w/ him. Every time I was around him I didn’t want to leave his presence. It was like something always had me coming back. Oh the temptation was real! In that situation, I was very close to get things popping if you know what I mean.

Let me explain what a besetting sin is. The definition for beset is “1.to attack on all sides; assail; harass: to be beset by enemies; beset by difficulties. 2. to surround; hem in: a village beset on all sides by dense forest. 3.to set or place upon; bestud: a gold bracelet beset with jewels. 4.Nautical . to surround (a vessel) by ice, so that control of the helm is lost” (www.dictionary.com). Ok I will give an example. Let’s say Judy is 27 yrs old and is an alcoholic. She has been an alcoholic since she was 21 yrs old. Judy started attending AA meetings to deal w/ her alcoholism and overcome it when she was 25 yrs old. Judy haven’t had a drink in 2 yrs since she went to the AA meetings. She did everything she could to stay away from alcohol even though it was difficult. Well Judy goes to her homegirl Vanessa’s 27th birthday party and there is alcohol. Judy tries not to have a drink but her friend Vanessa talking her into taking one shot of Vodka. Well Judy ended up having 7 shots of Vodka. Judy starts drinking again heavily.

To me a besetting sin is something that you struggle with. It’s that one thing that you try to get away from but once you’re tempted you might end up taking the bait. It’s like a stronghold that is on you. In Judy’s case, she took the bait of one shot. So how does one overcome a besetting sin? First recognize what your besetting sins are. Then repent and ask God for his deliverance. Fill yourself w/ God’s word and pray. I strongly recommend reading Galatians 5, James 1, Romans 8:9, Romans 7:7-25, Eph 4:23-24, Col. 3:3-8, and Heb 12. Also don’t put yourself in situations where you can be tempted (Read 1st Cor. 10:13). Remove yourself from that situation ASAP! Know what your boundaries are and stick to them! Also get an accountability partner. An accountability partner is someone you can call on and confide in when you feel like you’re getting tempted. They should be non-judgmental and willing to help you when you find yourself in sticky situations. They also keep you on the right track but if you do fall, they will not judge you and tell you to brush yourself off and get back on track! My accountability partner is one of my good female friends. =) I talked to her several times while the “Wale” situation was going on.

I found myself not sticking to the boundaries that I had. I’m glad that I have such good friends that were able to help me during my situation w/ “Wale”. I really thought that I was good w/ not budging w/ my boundaries but when I was tested, I found myself compromising a little bit. No, I didn’t go all the way w/ him but it could had been that way if I wasn’t removed from the situation.”Wale” and I no longer talk. Yes, I still miss his presence and think about him. However, I know that I can’t put myself in another situation where I can be tempted. My problem isn’t w/ guys that I’m not attracted to but w/ guys that I’m attracted to and have chemistry with. Please don’t let me see a guy that is physically attractive! I think of all impure thoughts. lol! Remember that you are precious and you’re valuable! God loved us so much that he sent his son Jesus to pay the price for us! Don’t give up your “goods” for someone who isn’t worth it! Please keep me in your prayers! God bless!!

~Venus

P.S. This post has been on my heart to share for a while. Being celibate isn’t easy! However, it is doable! Don’t compromise (I’m saying this to myself as well)! If someone is trying to get you to compromise, remove them! Believe me when I say, you don’t want to pay the price of falling! I think it’s important for us to share what we go through, it will help someone else. You never know what people are dealing with in their own spiritual closets.

Here are a few helpful links:

Please visit my mentor’s Chante Truscott website http://www.wivesinwaiting.com/#!recorded-webinars/cp29
Listen to the webinars More Precious Than Rubies Part 1 & 2. Also Freedom and Freedom 2. They will bless you!



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  1. #1 by Renee N. Smith on August 24, 2013 - 11:57 am

    One thing I can say you’re good..no great at is being transparent. Celibacy is not something that is talked about a lot among young christians..and leaders of the church just scream don’t do it..but they have no blue print on HOW not to do it. Celibacy requires that we change so much of who we are because it requires us to deny a feature that God placed in us;physical intimacy. Physical intimacy isn’t wrong when you’re married..but what do you do when you’re craving that and you’re not married. That’s where the battle ensues. If most christians are honest this is a struggle for almost all unmarried christians. Even some married people get it wrong as with the new show called Christian swingers. We live in a culture that says love solves everything..if you love this person it’s ok to sleep with them. Follow you’re heart. The Bible specifically tells us that the heart is decietful..following your heart just might put you in situations you should not be in. Like the woman who stays in an abusive relationship because she loves her husband/boyfriend. We are admonished to test the spirits of people we come in contact with to be sure they are people of God, we complicate that by having our spirit emeshed with someone else. We can’t see the bad any more..or ignore it because we’ve been physically intimate.
    Sex is spiritual. I didn’t understand that until after I lost my virginity. I was worried about HIV, STIs and pregnancy, but the spiritual ramifications are just as real. Sex brought me and kept me is some serious dysfunction before I became celibate. So kudos to u hun! Stay strong!

    • #2 by Venus on August 25, 2013 - 3:51 am

      Aww thanks Nee for the compliment! You’re great at being transparent too! =) You said a mouthful in your response! agree w/ you that celibacy isn’t something that is really talked about. It’s more like the topic of sex is sugar coated in the church. Really to show Christian Swingers? Smh! Girl yes, about the heart! That’s why it’s important to be led by the Holy Spirit. I agree w/ you on sex being spiritual. We develop soul ties every time we sleep w/ someone. I hate that we both had to learn the “hard way” but God get the glorify through our lives! I will try to be strong! Love you tons! =)

  2. #3 by radical7even on September 4, 2013 - 6:20 pm

    Congrats on walking away. There is not a problem with physical attraction, good relationships have that. But that person has to have the same goals and aspirations you do. We need partners who are supportive of us and our life goals. Temptation is hard, and I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns!
    ~Audrey

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