Begin at the end… *Kelly*

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This week has been a blur. I’m late on my blogging schedule. For this reason I will just start somewhere in the chaos and get it over with.

I found out on Wednesday that my position with the Guardian Ad Litem program is being moved to Ft. Walton. Working for the GAL program has been a great experience. I would recommend volunteering for the program to anyone who wants a rewarding, albeit challenging, volunteer experience with children/teens. That being said, I am not willing to relocate for this job. I talked it over with Nathan and prayed about it. After my last day in Crestview, I’m officially leaving the program.

I have had a strong desire for over a year now to get back into grad school and earn my Ph.D. in clinical or counseling psychology. I started out in a purely research focused program and felt I was missing out on an important part of my education. I am a sensitive introvert at heart, but I want to learn how to interact with clients in a counseling setting as well. I will feel unfulfilled to some degree until I am in a program where I can pursue this goal. Wish me luck as I apply to several quality Ph.D. programs in psychology this fall.

Sometime in the near future Nathan, Elias, and I will be relocating to Miami to be closer to the parents of the baby girl I am carrying. This will ensure they can be present at the birth and we can make good memories while we wait. I am glad to report the baby and I are in very good health. Nathan and I will likely stay in Miami until we know where I will be attending graduate school, whether that be in Miami or another location. I’m applying to programs across the country. Again, wish us and the new family we are helping bring together luck and success. I am looking forward to a wonderful experience with new life and new beginnings.

On a completely different note, I am at the beginning of processing a recent death of one of my former clients. This person took their own life. It feels wrong on so very many different levels. I do not know how to explain. Professionally and personally this was a heavy blow. I keep thinking of this as a messy break that needs to be set properly to heal. I just don’t really know where to start. I try to focus on praying for the family and others who were closer to the devastation. It’s just hard to wrap my mind around the finality of a momentary decision like suicide. I can’t help but wonder if there was something I could have done… something more I could have done to connect and prevent that level of hopelessness. I keep seeing people and things that remind me of the life that was lost. It will get better with time, but I don’t want to forget. I want to learn. I want to be able to help prevent this from happening again. The scariest part is sometimes there really is nothing else you could have done. Even the best social worker, clinician, mother, etc., cannot prevent a person from harming themselves. The most tragic part is this person can’t take back their decision. I will never hear that they graduated, married, had children, etc. The story that was supposed to continue and likely outlast me is over. I don’t even know how to wrap up this paragraph.

Thanks to my girls for encouraging me to blog again. I’ll keep you all updated with better news next month I hope. In the meantime thank you for your love and prayers.

-Kelly

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  1. #1 by renee n. smith on November 1, 2013 - 10:29 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. Maybe this post will encourage someone who is thinking about ending their life to seek help. That their life really does have meaning and will devestate those left behind to pick up the pieces. You have a huge heart and I’m sure all the clients you served remember that.

  2. #2 by Venus on November 2, 2013 - 5:54 am

    Hey Kels!! I’m happy to see a post from you! I’m glad that you had a good experience w/ being a GAL! That sucks that your position would had caused you to relocate. I’ll send you luck w/ the P.h. D program! I hope that everything goes well w/ the move to Miami. I think that it’s awesome that you want to be near the parents to be (I’m not good w/ the terminology here lol). I’ll be praying to you & your client’s family heal from your client’s death. I know how hard it is to grieve someone you love & care about. Love you! ~Venus

  3. #3 by danigeorge25 on November 2, 2013 - 2:46 pm

    Thanks Kelly for thaking the time out to blog. I know it has been difficult for you these past couple of weeks and I hope blogging was cathartic for you. I love you and wish nothing but the best for you and the family.

  4. #4 by starsinhereye on November 4, 2013 - 11:38 pm

    Thank you for being honest about so many things in your life. In fact, it’s so great to hear from you. I will pray for each step in your life. Just let God move you where you need to be.
    Death of clients is hard but I can’t imagine them ending their own life and how that would affect me. I am saying a special healing prayer for you and for their family.
    Lots of love girlie.
    ~Audrey

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