*warning this blog contains TMI*
So…the last post I wrote I was claiming that God would bring me good news and that I wouldn’t have cancer..well I claimed it and my results came back negative *happy dance*
Then something incredible happened. Just a few days ago on Nov 2 I found out I was with child! I’ve had a lot of weird health challenges this year so (eventhough prophetically I was told I would be pregnant..and pregnant with a baby girl) I still was in shock.
This pregnancy has been different. With Daniel I absolutely knew even before I took the test that I was pregnant..this time…I had no clue.
Anyway my husband was so excited he announced it to the world..I was a little more cautious and just told my immediate family and HIS lol.
Anyway yesterday I start cramping (and if any woman reading this has been pregnant that is all our fear). Not only was I cramping….I started bleeding. I was in so much pain I had to call my husband and have him pick me up from my job and go directly to the ER.
I was trying to stay positive, but in my heart I just knew the little person I just found out about was no longer there. Darren on the other hand was so positive and encouraging. I so wish I could download his spirit and I am forever thankful that God gave him to me. If at any time it’s been confirmed that I want Darren by my side in good and bad times…spending 6 hrs in the ER worried you’re misscarrying is one of those times.
They ran a million tests…and the result…it’s too soon to tell. My HCG levels were 1119..putting me @ 5 wks..which is where I should be. But I have to follow up with my doctor in 2 days..if those levels double..baby Smith is a fighter and still holding strong..if the levels rise slightly I’m at risk for an ectopic pregnancy..if they drop off..I lost the baby.
I honestly never thought about pregnancy..and pregnancy complications. Daniel’s conception,pregnancy and delivery were all super textbook. Now I truly understand what a miracle that entire process was. I hate I took it for granted.
Right now…I’m holding onto a few scriptures. I wrote them down yesterday morning..even before I knew this was coming. Maybe it can encourage someone else…
Psalm 112:7 They will have no fear of bad news, their hearts are steadfast;trusting in the Lord
Psalm 56:3 Even when I am afraid I will put my trust in You
I samuel 1:27 I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him
Writing helps me release negative emotions..that’s what this blog is. It’s not easy to speak about (I cry everytime) but writing helps me logically disect this and stay focused. I ask for prayers..but most importantly I ask that you reprioritize your life and your loved ones. I promise..that laundry and dishes that were on my mind yesterday morning have fallen to the wayside lol.
Eyes towards heaven,