I am person who tries to be a team player, at every level of my life. If you ask me to do something, to the best of my ability I will do it. There’s not much that I feel I ask for in return, only to be honest with me and treat me with respect. When I feel I have been betrayed, there is anger that rises in me, quick and fast. I dislike this about me. This causes me to hold grudges, to do things that are out of my spirit. I have this. so you think you got me so I have do you just as wrong. However, for me, it will never go as far am my thoughts, I would never willingly do anything to actually hurt any one.
I don’t ever want to feel like a sucka(yep, a sucka). Maybe, it’s my past experiences of being the young big girl, that I’ve thought that even thought I’m the big girl, if I’m nice enough they will not do me wrong/mistreat me. I’ve been the people pleaser, which sometimes becomes the pushover. It’s those past feelings which I think causes me to perceive any disrespect angrily.
What’s a girl to do? How do I not let a person’s actions affect my demeanor? In this quest to really seek God in every situation, I feel it is necessary to pray. Praying is always the answere but it’s not always my first thing to do. First, I have to tell other people to make sure I’m not the only one who thinks this behavior is a little out of the normal realm. Then I have to revisit the moment and say things in my mind that I shoulda/coulda said. Them I’m sad that I was ever in that situation. Then, maybe, I pray–but NOT for the other person but for ME, ‘Lord, keep me near the cross. Lord, give me patience.’ Talking to my friend, she gave me a word. It wasn’t a word that I wanted at the moment because I wanted in be in self mode-how dare that person treat me that way when I’ve dome more than my share–but it was a word that was needed. She told me, “Pray for the person that I felt wronged by. You don’t know what spiritual battle she faces.” Again, a hard pill to swallow. I guess the thing that’s hard for me about praying for someone that’s done me wrong, in my perception, is that I will have to give up the anger. I should want to give up the anger but I don’t know. Holding up to the anger somehow makes me feel right. I can’t tell you how that matters but it does. But, I’ve decided to pray and let God handle it. He always does a better job than me.
Proverbs 20:22 (NIV) says: Do not say, “I’ll pay your back for the wrong.” Wait on the Lord, and he will deliver you.
Here’s to praying for those who does us wrong.
Radical moment of the week: The Birth of Karter James
Still Pushing with Knees a Little Longer on the Floor,