In her daily devotional, “Coming Out of the Dark,” Mary Southerland talks about her journey with clinical depression. In her rise from that dark pit, she realized she needed time and patience and that God was in control. It was her definition of to “wait” and what that mean to God that really moved me and caused me to look differently at my current situation. I am ill and I need to wait for God to help me.
“To wait means to admit there is a problem”
I am sick. This will change my life.
“To wait means to accept the pit”
My life has changed but it doesn’t mean that it has to be a bad change. I have to accept that this is how life is going to be.
“To wait means to be still”
The only thing I can do is waiting for God to lead the doctors to the diagnosis and care of my illness. I can’t diagnosis myself. I can’t prescribe my own medicine. I can’t change my immune system. I have to be still and let God move in my life.
On February 4 I go to see an immunologist. Yet another doctor. Plus, I am without one of my medications because the doctor failed to tell me I had to have an eye exam before they will give me more medicine! So I will be without a vital medicine for a week.
I am tired of doctors. I am tired of medications. I am just plain tired. I didn’t want this life. I wanted to everything to be simple. I want to be able to trust my body. I want a peaceful life, and I have tried to force my life into that ideal.
My life will never fit in that ideal but my life can get better. First, I have to admit I am stuck in this pit. I have to accept that this is my path. I cannot do anything; God will bring the right doctor with the right relief.
So now I have to work on patience. That is insanely hard. But God will help me.