Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind- Romans 12:2
I have always wanted to be well liked and I have always wanted to be seen as a nice person. This has caused me to laugh at things that I did not think were funny, to bite my tongue when I really wanted to speak and smile through things that I should have confronted head one. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be agreeable that I think I lost who I am. I have learned how to be proper in public, but I haven’t learned to be comfortable in not being liked. The truth is…there will be people in this world that don’t like you. They may be co-workers, classmates or even family. If you spend so much of your time trying to win people over who have already decided that..they simply don’t like you…you waste so much time. Time that could have been spent building and maintaining relationships with those who actually deserve (and most importantly) want your time.
I have spent the past few months trying to fit into a situation that I never did feel that was 100% the best decision for me. I’ve spent so much time second-guessing myself and trying to prove myself that I literally ran myself ragged. And you know what..even after all of that…my best still was not good enough for this situation. So all of my effort…was for naught.
I finally had an epiphany…it’s ok. It’s ok that I don’t fit where I thought I would. it’s ok that even though I have tried a million different ways to be positive and bring my best to the table that it was still being perceived as something else. We are not here to change people’s minds. We are here to represent Christ to the best of our abilities and listen to His voice of reason and wisdom. Not to convince people of your worth. You are worthy simply because God chose you. He chose you to do a marvelous work, one that will not need anyone else to co-sign it. It will be a direct partnership between you and Him. I am thankful for this situation, because it has pushed me into a direction that I would have never considered if everything was going well. It has reignited desires for my dreams that I had long ago abandoned. I have decided to stick to being my authentic self so opportunities that arise will be directly related to my true purpose. If i keep pretending that everything is ok, when it’s not…I won’t walk into my destiny. I will walk into some fabricated counterfeit path that I created for myself by not being honest. No more. No more smiles when it’s not needed. No more fake laughing at jokes to fit in. I will continue to be kind…but I will do so being authentically me. And I don’t need anyone’s permission to be me 🙂
I have decided to stop trying so hard to be liked. I will continue to work hard, but it is a waste of my energy to try to work harder on getting people to like me. I just need to walk in my purpose and watch God bring people to the table that need to be here. Every time I let go, God restores. This happened with the creation of HIS and even with my marriage. The moment I stopped trying to force things (relationships, conversations, finding a new place to live etc). It all fell into place. So…I release everything to my Heavenly Father and will allow Him to do as He pleases. Excited to see where this will go.
Radical moment: I reached out to a friend that I had not spoken to in quite some time. I wrote about this in a post in year 2. I realized that I did not communicate my true feelings with this individual and wanted to clear the air. I am glad that I did. I even reached out to my grandmother who I hadn’t spoken to in awhile as well. I am really trying to work on communication and stop being so dang passive aggressive about my emotions. This emotional health goal might be extended for the rest of my life, but I am glad and proud of myself for the steps that I have taken in this area. I have much more peace in my life.
Smiling (for real)