Even if your hope is gone, move along.
All American Rejects
I’ve been at a good plateau lately with my health. The medications are starting to work and my stricter diet has given me more energy and less pain. I’m not 100 percent (I won’t ever be but I’m okay with that) and my daily life is rather pleasant. But two weeks ago I hit a big bump. I had my first flare up.
Flares are an increase activity of that certain disease. This means mild to severe symptoms can poop up or get worse. This can be caused by a variety of things and sometimes you never know what caused them. In my case, my flare ups are most like those in lupus flare ups. But here’s the problem: flare doesn’t even begin to cover what I go through.
My whole body hurt. I hadn’t hurt like that since I had started seeing my rheumatologist. My knees, hips and ankles throbbed and radiated pain. My muscles spasmed and stayed tight. I was exhausted all the time. My brain was fuzzy, and I was not cognitively on my A game. It was sheer agony.
The worst part? I was used to feeling good. I was used to this pain being gone. Then Red October suddenly, I was smack dab in the middle of a moderate flair up that was making my life miserable. I was so emotionally drained by this. My spirit was knocked down. I knew there would be flare ups but this event made me truly see that I there would be days where I still felt like I did at beginning.
This upset me. I don’t want to feel that way. I know I don’t have to. Why does my body do this to me?!
So I rested and tried to entertain myself with my books, comics and TV show. I tried not to focus on the pain and just told myself it would be over soon. And it was. I am back to 90 percent again. I can walk across a parking lot. But I am fighting living in fear knowing that any moment a flare up could strike. I just have to move along. I just have to live and take what come my way.
This is a new a hurdle to jump. It will be another thing to adjust to. But I can and will do it. I won’ let it get me down.
When all you to keep is strong, move along.
Move along like I know you do