Life-Renee

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Lennon Justus

I can’t believe it is already August! That means this Radical year is one month from being over. It also means I am one month closer to holding my son..that’s right Jelly bean is a boy! My entire family found out last weekend. That ultrasound picture makes me smile outwardly and in my soul. His life, although he is completely unaware is totally interconnected with mine, we are literally one. As I’ve watched my older two boys grow and mature I’ve been fascinated by how they become their own selves. How they have opinions and thoughts and ideas. I pray every day that I am doing right by the lives God has so graciously entrusted to me.
One thing God has brought to my attention is my influence on all things He has placed in my life (my family, job, students at the schools I work in, friends)..how I’m responsible for what I am putting out into the world. My boss gave me a book to read entitled how to influence people, this book is by no means about manipulation, but focuses on you…and how you have influence (both positive and negative). The book has the focus of having you critically look at your areas of influence and if you are actually being the person you say you are. Not who you wish you might be. Tough questions but needed.
As you may know I suffered a bit of a crisis in my Christianity after the loss of Baby Smith, while I am not glad for the pain the rebirth of my faith came out of that situation. Unless you’ve seen the bottom of something or really tough times the relationship does not grow. You can look at any figure in the Bible from Adam to Jesus (&beyond) and see who cracked under extreme pressure and who preserved. But who would know without the test?
Before losing my virginity becoming a single mother…I could never speak to a woman who was struggling with sexual sin. I hadnt been through the test. I couldn’t tell a woman how ive overcome and continue to overcome my challenges with co-parenting. I’ve been tested. I’ve been so blessed to not have a ton of losses but losing the relationship with my father and my unborn..but not losing my mind (although I felt pretty darn close) is a testament to the Goodness of my Heavenly Father. I thought because of my relationship that honestly God owed me that protection from heart breaking pain…but instead His love was what covered the cracks and crevices and made me stronger. Made me appreciate life. Life is a gift..is every part wrapped up beautifully, no it’s not. But growing into a warrior for God’s kingdom takes guts and heart. This can only happen in battle, whether you want to be in one or not. The Bible says there is an enemy, he is going to and fro all over the earth looking for whom he can devour..he’s real. He’s out there and honestly he doesn’t play fair. He may even knock you down, but if you have breath in your body..you have life and a chance to fight another day
I’m glad I chose life, to fight for my joy and peace once again. This is why my son’s name means so much to me Lennon means beloved or loved son and Justus means upright and righteous. He’s one of many new things in my life that show me life is worth fighting for.
Peace&love
Renee

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  1. #1 by radical7even on August 6, 2014 - 2:46 pm

    Growing two warriors you are! Keep on being radical!
    Love you!
    ~Audrey

  2. #2 by Venus on August 8, 2014 - 2:50 am

    Beautiful post! I like Jellybean’s name Lennon Justus! Woo hoo to Jellybean being a boy! I’m glad that your faith was renewed from the things that you’ve experienced. Love you!

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