I see this life
Like a swining vine
Swing my heart across the line
In my face is flashing signs
Seek it out and ye shall find
“Counting Stars” OneRepublic
Last year’s theme was one of transformation and change. This year, I want to spend time on the things that are truly important: spiritual, emotional, and physical health. I want to count my stars not worrying about money to burn.
Invest in my Prayer Life
I don’t pray as often as I should. I don’t always go to God first. I try to fix things myself and often things don’t end up going as well as I would have liked them too. So I am working on my prayer frequency. I am also going to research into the components of prayer. I’m not big on the belief on there is one way to pray, but these ideas could truly help me reach a deeper place spiritually.
Read the Old Testament
In Year 2, my goal was to complete the Bible in one year. I bought a special Bible that broke it down by days and completed the task. The way it broke it down each day included: text from the Old Testament, text from the New, a Proverb, and portions of Psalms. I want to just focus on one section each year and really meditate on their meanings.
Establish an Exercise Routine
In Year 2, I met my goal of establishing and keeping an exercise regime. I was proud and felt good about myself. Then I got sick and it became her to get up in the morning let alone exercise. Now that I am feeling better I know that exercise can keep me feeling better. So it’s time to get restarted making sure that my plan is friendly to my illness and while at the same time not push for something my body cannot do.
Work on Self Image
I had manic depression in high school. People always made fun of me and I hated myself. But since then I have worked on myself from the hormonal to the cognitive side expanding my idea of who and what I am. I got to the point where I felt good about myself and how I looked. Being sick has short circuited this feeling but emotionally I feel like a worthy person. Looks wise, I haven’t fully come around. I’ve put on thirty pounds since I have been sick and when I look at pictures that is all I can see. I recently saw footage from back in March and I have lost a good bit of weight. Now I just have to keep trying all the whole learn trying to love my prednisone body and not let unhealthy thoughts get me down.
Extinguish my Road Rage
If you have driven with me, you know that I get very angry at people in cars. It angers me so much because their stupid could cost me my life. I get very emotional about that. But one day, I asked God to help me with this and it’s gotten better. But I want it gone; I want to re-learn a pattern of thought that is forgiving and productive. Because it is only hurting me.
Shake it Off
One of the biggest battles I ever have is with Stress. I have medications and doctors who help me with this single thing alone. I have made great strides in the last ten years. But I still dwell. I dwell on things I can’t change. I dwell on what other people do. I dwell on what might happen. I will pray but then I won’t let it go. I will let it ruin my evening. I will let it ruin my day. No longer; I am going to try new tips to Shake It Off.
Expunge the Record of Cynicism
I seem like a pretty happy person don’t I? That’s because I filter what goes through my mind. I always go to the bad and see the worst in people and events. Sometimes these words escape when I feel that other people don’t see that point of view. But I am tired of feeling that way. Often I am wrong about my assumptions. I always want to guess that people don’t care but there are good people who do. And I should too.
Please say a prayer over me as I continue this journey. And maybe the things that drown me will make me want to fly.