A Me Deferred – Reneé

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I’m not even sure exactly where to start. I’m so off of my radical goals that i honestly don’t have anything to update on.

I’ve enjoyed my time off with both Lennon and Daniel, but that time is rapidly coming to an end. Honestly this time the journey into motherhood with the second baby has been a lot more lonely than it was with Daniel.
When i had Daniel I had visitors for weeks, I had plans with his godmother within the first two weeks and even had his pictures made all within the first month.
This time with Lennon, I’ve had one visitor and have been out only a few times. I just feel so disconnected from the world at the moment. I enjoy being a mom, but I severely miss my girl time.   I honestly feel these other girls on this journey are my soul mates.  They get me in a way no one else does. Even with them being far away I’ve received so many wonderful cards, calls, texts and gifts.
I’ve stated before how hard it’s been to make friends in the city,  but honestly i don’t think that’s the only thing. I honestly just miss a part of who i was/am when i was with the girls.
They always helped me to feel better, stronger and more together than i currently feel. They encouraged me, supported me and just helped me be a better me.
When you get married and have kids the wife title and mother title can be all you see and honestly how the others in the house see you as well. They take for granted who you were before you obtained those titles..don’t get me wrong i very much enjoy those titles. But I’m more than a two dimensional person..i have real depth.  I guess it’s time to do some soul searching and figure out how to get back to me. I’ve neglected me for a while now. Some of it is out of guilt,  how can i put myself first when so many people need me? But the truth is if I don’t start focusing on me this radical journey is all for naught.

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  1. #1 by starsinhereye on February 9, 2015 - 7:43 pm

    Titles can become complex and hold us down, but they don’t seperate you from your soulmates. I know you feel lonley but we are always with you! I love you!
    ~Audrey

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