Ten years ago, I was an 18 year old girl. I wish I could go back in time and sit down with myself. Alot has happened in 10 years, I’ve gotten married, had two kids, graduated college, moved, gotten my own place, my own car…I became a woman.
There are many things I would like to say to myself,things like dont take each break up so personally nor so seriously. Stop stressing about being single. Stop trying to please others. Stop trying to make people and situations fit that you have long outgrown. Stop trying to be understood.
I’ve spent the last decade of my life playing it safe. Trying to do what I felt was expected of me, but I’m not sure if I was trying to grow into the woman I need to be. Sure those circumstances and choices have shaped me, but very few things were out of my control. I was so tight fisted with my plans. Daniel was the first instance of something throwing me off my first plan..and it was wonderful. Being a mother did motivate me to take more chances (talk to my boss, find another job) all things I wouldn’t have done without the motivation of him.
I just wish I had more courage to really pursue the heart matters. Things that have tugged at my soul…for 10 years. The business, the travels, hard conversation that need to be had..all of it.
See at 18 my goals all seemed possible, but that was before any real setbacks. At 28, I’ve had some failures, some hurts..memories that stay with me. Hushing my words, dampening my dreams. I wish I would have learned early how to overcome those trials.
I focused so much on college i never truly thought about what life would look like once i left. How life starts AFTER the classes.
I did a devotion at the beginning of this year that focused on choosing one word to focus on for the year. One word you feel God is pulling you towards. My word is communication. I’ve always had a gift of words-usually more written than spoken. But people do tend to listen to me, respect my view points. But I don’t always adequately express myself; true communication is not in how impressive the words are, but in how well your true intent and purpose are conveyed to another person. I need the connection.
I would tell my 18 year old self that connection is important. That learning to own your voice is probably the single most valuable thing i could do, because it is my word, my voice – that’s my purpose.
Following that purpose and protecting it would be almost as important as protecting my very life. Without purpose you wither and lose strength. I would encourage myself to use my words more and trust myself more. Building those skills earlier would have helped in so many ways.
As i reflect over my past, my purpose and my present I realize I do have time to really seize the moment. That’s my radical journey; ultimately growing into the self assured person I need to be in order to glorify God.
Back to the future,