What kind of person do you want to be?
I’ve been wrestling with this question all of my life. I’ve struggled with insecurities and that has lead me to really put myself second (in an unhealthy way). This past weekend I had a very tough conversation with someone I love, but can’t continue to have in my life if they continue to be unhealthy. (for those keeping up, yes this is the SAME person I’ve blogged about probably the last three years). I’ve not confronted this person before and this time I was willing to do so; it did not end exactly like I had hoped, but the good part is- I am walking and owning my truth. If you hurt me I do not have to be bitter towards you, but I also do not have to pretend that I am ok with you.
I’m learning to hold fast to my boundaries, in a good way. It helps me to stay healthy and my health is important because I have three little boys and a husband that need me to pour into them. Heck, the vision that God has given me requires that I check myself quite often.
I have also started to attempt to tackle that debt monster again. I have used the funds from the AmeriCorps account and am now paying directly for my loans..which honestly sucks..a lot, but I am determined to have only those bills be the nonessential bills I will pay.
I also signed up for a 22 day challenge from the I Am Second movement, because I feel I have been a bit stagnate. My friend Audrey also challenged me to find more kid and hubby free activities for myself. Even LaDarren has encouraged me to start spending more money and time on myself. It means I have really let my life get out of balance if everyone who loves me says…Renee I think you need to spend more time on what you like to do. That’s always been a problem for me.
Even before I had children I struggled with putting my needs before those of my family. I didn’t mind doing it and still don’t but I need to make sure that I am not losing myself in the process. That’s the key. I have been helping Darren with his fitness business and God is blessing us with that and I am excited, but I know that the empowerment of people especially women is what I’ve been called to do. I just still don’t know what that looks like. Nor, have I taken the appropriate amount of time to really explore what that looks like.
But here I go now….hope I find something out soon.
Keep me in prayer!