I was inspired by Daniele’s post to create a list of things I would tell my teenage self. Here is my list of 7 Radical Things I Wish I Had Known:
- He doesn’t love you
I know you love him and your love for him is real. It is first love, and it is strong and powerful. He says he loves you, but he wants to share you with his friends. He wants you to be a back up to all his plans. That is not true love. It will hurt to break away but, and I know you won’t believe me, you will be ok. You will become a strong independent woman. Don’t try to please him or make him happy. Move one to other loves and other mistakes.
- You are not what you see.
Your perception is off; you will be diagnosed with hypothyroidism. The chemicals rushing through your brain are making you hallucinate in what you see in the mirror. Until you get that checked and fixed, you will not see yourself as you truly are. There will be issues with your parents not getting you help, but you will get it and you will turn into a lovely, happy teen before you leave high school. Count on it.
- There is an answer for your physical and mental health
You get sick and hurt a lot. People will make fun of you and call you names. They will not believe you. But there is something physically wrong with you. You won’t learn about until your early thirties but it’s true. Your sinuses infections and mood swings are all related to an overall health issue. Keep going even when doctors brush you off. You are not crazy; you just need some help for a rare disease. You are what the medical community calls a zebra, and you are special.
- You and your mom will be close again
You tension is both of your faults. Your disease is making it hard, and you are mad at your parents for not getting help. Your mom doesn’t see it. She is quick to think that if she can overcome you can too. Some of it is her selfness but some of it is your belief in your strength. You won’t see that for a long time. But you will be close again even if it does seem like it will take forever. The two of you will move past those struggles and have life events that will bring you close. You will empathize. So it will be alright with your parents especially your mom. Just hold on.
- You are special and God loves you very much
Your faith is fluid. You grew up Baptist but in your dark depression you don’t get any of it. You struggle with being agnostic. You wish for an easy faith as you see of those around you. But faith isn’t easy–especially in a world of false Christian and a closed minded attitude. You will meet a group of girls who will show you what Christianity is about. You will study the Bible and become deeper in your faith. Finding a church is sketchy and by the time you’re 32, you will find one that makes you p hopeful. But you will be fully aware that He loves and made you special. You are who you are supposed to be and He will lead you to great things. He’s there even if you can’t feel him in the darkness.
- You are not alone.
Even though you feel lonely it does not mean you are not loved. You feel alone one because of your depression and because you are different. But it’s okay. Keep reading books. Keep writing. Don’t give up. You will have friends who see the light in you even if you aren’t popular. When you get to college you will bloom as a person and attract people who care about out and who you care about. There will be men who truly love you, and family who don’t give up on you. And you will have a network of great friends. They won’t always be physically close but they will be emotionally. Some people will come in and then they will leave. But you only needed them for a season. People will replace them. There will be times when you feel lonely no matter what, but remember you will never truly be alone.
- You will change the world.
You have known since you were little that you were different, that you would go beyond your peer’s hopes for money and fame (even though you wouldn’t have minded a little fame). You would be someone you would make a ripple in this world. You will do this. It will be more subtle than most people think of when they say they want to change the world. You will preach on peace and love. You will change the lives of children daily as well as work with animals which you adore. Then you’ll move on to changing the world at an international level: you will help orphans find homes change the lives of people both in the US and the Ukraine. You will help your friends and be a rock for them. You will spread love to each of them and you both will change each other’s lives. You will accomplish your goal. Stay Strong. Keep your eyes set on it. Don’t ever let go.