This year I did something a little different. I usually pick one song that resounds to me and then make goals based on what God was saying through those words. This year, for some reason, I didn’t feel like one anthem really encompasses everything I am struggling with. So there is one over all anthem (true Colors by Kesha) but then one song for each goal. Read along for each song that haunts me and what God wanted me do with it.
“With all the blood I lost with you, it drowns the love I thought I knew”
My Blood- Ellie Goulding
I feel like I shouldn’t have to add my health into my goals but this song has always stirred feeling about my body and my sickness. I have gotten over at being angry at my body, which is what these lyrics represent. But I must learn to be positive even when I feel like I am slipping backwards. My biggest problem is when I have a flare. When I get sick or start hurting because I get a setback. I can’t handle that. It’s something I plan to work on this year
“I tried to call you buy you wasn’t around”
Hear Me Now-Five
When I first started my goals, I always included being touch with my friends. I have lost friends many for stupid reasons to let things that I can control get in the way. Then that goal trickled away, and I can see the aftermath. I will not let that happen. I will reach out and I will reconnect with the ones I lost because sat around twiddling my thumbs. I will work hard not to let others fade away as well.
“Don’t turn over the page”
Fake It, Bastille
This song has encouraged me to think about starting over. There is one person who this applies to, and I’m not sure what God wants me to do with this one. I first have to accept that I am starting over and then truly go with how God wants it without a secondary agenda. So help Lord, turn over the page.
“Back when we were kids”
I have a habit of looking back at scrapbooks and feeling stupid for the men I dated and the friends I had; I may have forgiven them but I still haven’t forgiven myself. I need to work on this and embrace the god times I had. I made major process when I pulled out the scrapbook of my friend’s wedding. They aren’t together anymore and I was worried about it: how it would affect me and how it might affect her that I had it. But looking through it, it was a testament to the strong bonds of friendship with all but one photo focuses on celebrating her and our close group of friends. It was a love story- just not the one I thought it would be. It was ours. And friends shouldn’t be ashamed of their love stories.
“We’ve got to let go of all our ghosts”
Send My Love- Adele
While the “Kids” goal is to forgive myself, this goal is to continue my healing process about those who hurt me. I have worked hard at forgiving others who have wronged me. I haven’t gotten to the point where I am actually wishing them well. I’m one step on forgiveness, apathy. I thought that was the end. But it’s not and I have to finish the process.
“I’m hanging on to the end of this rope”
Lonely Town- Brandon Flowers
It seems like I am always battling my depression. It’s not a constant but frequent enough. I am very frustrated to have to even add this in my goals. But when I have those episodes, I need to do better to pull myself out. You’ve seen goals before that help this: to write, to craft, to do things that make me happy. This year I am focusing on a better plan to deal when these episodes can’t be prevented (and this will always happened; that is the biggest struggle).
“Let it all go. Set it all free.”
The Veil- Peter Gabriel
I am not myself very openly. I work in a place where I worry about what others think. I said I would give up on that a long time ago yet I worry about my job and how people won’t think I can do it because I don’t believe the same things they do. I watched Snowden and was upset with myself. This guy gave up a cushy job, great pay and a home in paradise to expose the truth, and I sit behind my computer and hide from portion of the world I know will judge me. I talk about integrity but I don’t always follow it. This is just simply not acceptable. This year I will lift the veil (slowly) and know that God is on my side.