Archive for February, 2017
Author’s Note: This was written in January but other pressing concerns caused this blog to be posted out of order.
I sit here, a week after the kids have left. A lot has happened since they left. We got a new president, the world came together to march for the rights of women. And I learned a new lesson.
I have a habit of being a rescuer. I want to help other get better and meet their potential. I want to be the one that helps them rise up and be the personal God meant them to be. This is all well and good. It’s noble and it gives me self-satisfaction. But I have to remember I am just a cog in the huge wheel. While the kids were here, I realized I couldn’t be everything someone needed.
We had 10 kids in our December group. This was a pretty good group and they had the youth exsuburance that comes with a group of kids. I noticed one girl who didn’t flock to this energy. She instead liked to chill and would often sit off by herself just watching everything. As someone who needs some time to sit and rest, I would sit next to her and talk to her. This was all she needed: someone to come up to her, to care for her. It was just a simple action, sitting next to her, but it meant the world to her.
It was easy to connect with Sasha. I’m an introvert. I like to chill. We used Google Translate and talked about our lives. If we had brothers and sisters. What we like to do. Who our favorite authors were. We spent a lot of time together but I was happy when she went off with her friends or other volunteers. In fact, about a week before she left, she told me I was her only true friend. It brought tears to my eyes.
This was a huge reveal that was supposed to make me happy. And in some way it did, but it made me sad. I wanted her to have many friends and, loved ones. So I went about getting her to talk to other and expanding friends while still being a stable pat of her life. I wasn’t going to disappear and she seemed afraid of hat when making new friends. I had to explain we can share friendship.
The day Sasha left hurt. She was very calm and handled everything maturely like she did the entire month. I only saw her cry once. We had made boxes as a craft and I gave her mine I made with our picture in it. Even then she didn’t want me to see her cry.
I talk to her some on Facebook but it is hard connect. I have told her that I miss her and still love her even though she was far away. She shared a picture on Facebook of us and I know that she still loves me.
My job is full of these moments. Where I get to share with the kids and help them understand they are loved. I miss Sasha so much. I have been praying for people to step up in her life. She needs more than just me to become the woman I know she can be. But at least I could plant a seed and be part of a chain that will help her potential.
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Love. This four lettered word can bring on palpations, giggles, blushed cheeks and daydreaming. It can also cause anger, doubt, and tears. I decided for this post to define what love looks like to me.
Love is French fries with Heinz ketchup and not gaining any weight.
Love is having my Godbabies run up to me and give me hugs.
Love is not always hearing what I want to hear but what I need to hear.
Love is watching the original CSI: Crime Scene Investigation with my favorite person.
Love is having my mom buy my favorite chips even when she knows I’m on a diet.
Love is having multiple conversations with my best friend on several social media simultaneously.
Love is looking in the mirror and smiling at who I see.
Love is when someone lets you know that they have been listening.
Love is random gifts in the mail.
Love is the sun on my face on a beautiful spring day.
Love is completing the perfect squat.
What does Love looks like to you??
Then He said to Thomas, “Reach your finger here, and look at My hands; and reach your hand here, and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing.” And Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!”
John 20:27-28 NKJV
How do you feel God speaks to you? Does He come in a still small voice, use a friend you trust? How do you experience God?
Usually for me, it comes from something mundane, something easily overlooked…or some may feel I read too deeply into everyday things. I am of the belief, that if we pay attention He can speak to us using just about anything.
A few weeks ago, I watched Through the Looking Glass, the sequel to Alice In Wonderland. I won’t give up spoilers, but Alice says something in the beginning that made me think, “time is a thief”. It can definitely feel that way. The older I get the quicker time slides through my fingers. My 20s flew by…I can only imagine how my 30s will go. But time always makes you think, we always fear time wasted or we spend time wallowing in regret. Time does not heal all wounds, in fact sometimes, time is the very thing helping the wound to fester. Which brings me to the opening Scripture. In this verse Jesus tells Thomas to feel His scars, the scars that days prior had lead Him to His death. Why would a risen Savior have fresh scars? Why had time and most importantly the miracle of resurrection not healed them? When Jesus brought Lazarus back to life there’s no mention of him not being fully restored, so why would Jesus not be made “whole” again?
I never have stated that I’m a Biblical scholar by any means, but I think it’s a lesson for us today. Healing doesn’t always mean restoration. God did not bring Baby Smith back to me, God did not allow my cousin to not be murdered. The scars are still there, at certain moments like Jesus, I almost feel that someone could touch them. But the scars are proof positive that I am still here. That for someone who maybe freshly scarred an example that healing doesn’t always look like total restoration. Like Jacob after he wrestled with an angel, maybe you may limp afterwards. There is no shame in the limp…or the scar.
It’s simply proof to some that you are indeed living.