I’m Not Afraid, I’m Not~Audrey

 

“Making Everyday a Holiday”

Kids-OneRepublic

I was sitting at the table the other day thinking about the best times of my life. And I quickly saw that I was so happy right now. I might have finical issues but I am happy emotionally and physically, I’m at a great point in my life. I think knowing that is really the whole goal here; to not just think back on the past years on the bad or that that those years were better than now.

“And God Knows I’m Not Dying But I Breath Now”

My Blood- Ellie Goulding

My health has improved a hundred fold since I started my treatments. But I’m still not doing good enough with my exercise. I am trying to get back to my walks. I had a port put in in July and have been under a lot of stress and I’ve had a body collapse. I spent the last weekend sick. I tried hard to take care of myself but sometimes there are flare si cannot fight and I have to remember that there will be these times and I can’t change them. 

“I Know You Hear Me Now”

Hear Me Now-Five

My friends are huge to me. It depresses me that my high school best friend has fallen off the radar. But I remember that I  haven’t lost my best college friend. No matter how far away she is, she is still with me ibn my heart. I tried to contact some friend and they didn’t respond. Instead of getting said, I tried to understand their situation and what is going on with their lives. I will welcome them with open arms if they ever come back.

 

“Let’s Destroy Each Mistake That We Made”

Fake It, Bastille

I have done well here I think. I have et the Lord led he way and to second guessed who I was, what this relationship was doing, I was happy with what I experienced. I saw that I can do so much and am not stuck. I don’t give into peer pressure and I have been so much happier because of it.

“I Always Thought That Things Would Change But They Never Did”

Lonely Town- Brandon Flowers

Depression is an interesting beast. I have worked on techniques to help me when I got in those moments. And though some lasted longer than others, I have come put the other side happier. I have also worked hard this year with being an advocated. Celebrity suicides have been made public and I have tried to portray a real picture of what depression is and bbeing someone who will be there for others.

 “Treat Her Better”

Send My Love- Adele

I still have dreams of my exes and I don’t understand why. But I don’t think of them and get angry anymore. I have worked on myself and this has been a release. But it’s not perfect. Someone texted me that one was having a baby an di blew it off. I still have trouble understanding how they can be so happy and I am still single. But I remember I am where I am suppose to be. So even though I can’t say it, I do hope they are happy and that they have changed enough to make their spouse happy.

“You Let The Whole Wide World See”

The Veil- Peter Gabriel

I am me. I piss people off, but I am honestly me. I try to treat people with respect for their ideas and opinions so often I am quite. But I am fighting; fighting for freedom for all, freedom to be myself with out peer pressure getting to me. I am showing my true colors more and more each day and I am happy with who I am,

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