Posts Tagged marriage
The picture above was taken 24 hours after Darren was born. As you may know it was very trying. I was blessed to not go through that alone.
When many people envision marriage the first thing that usually comes to mind is the actual wedding. Weddings are the celebration of two people joining together…a marriage is the verb of said commitment.
What? You didn’t know marriage was a verb? Oooooooh yes it is the very definition of what a verb is. A marriage is a living breathing entity of two people who choose each other and for many bring forth life because of said union.
Marriage is also a combination of you and your thoughts and ideas as well as what you’ve been exposed to and downloaded both subconsciously and consciously.
Mant times we don’t even realize our expectations are unreasonable until our partner is like…um that’s just not me.
There’s no 30day risk free trial in marriage. You say “I Do” and…you’ure.
In my almost 5 years of marriage Ive been blessed to grow as a woman. Growth comes with a very steep price Ive been humbled more times than I can count. If you read some of my previous blogs you know I am in recovery for yelling. I’m sure it’s not a real thing but for me it should be working on extending grace can be hard. Especially when you’re tired…I am not one of those people who functions well when tired. I’m irrated quickly when I’m tired.
But I’ve been working on not using that (being sick, tired, overwhelmed) etc. Instead I try and center myself for a few minutes. I find myself a quiet spot and just focus myself. My yelling has gone down quite a bit. Not perfect but it’s definitely decreased.
Trials will come. That’s just life, but how you choose to deal with them…
*warning this blog contains TMI*
So…the last post I wrote I was claiming that God would bring me good news and that I wouldn’t have cancer..well I claimed it and my results came back negative *happy dance*
Then something incredible happened. Just a few days ago on Nov 2 I found out I was with child! I’ve had a lot of weird health challenges this year so (eventhough prophetically I was told I would be pregnant..and pregnant with a baby girl) I still was in shock.
This pregnancy has been different. With Daniel I absolutely knew even before I took the test that I was pregnant..this time…I had no clue.
Anyway my husband was so excited he announced it to the world..I was a little more cautious and just told my immediate family and HIS lol.
Anyway yesterday I start cramping (and if any woman reading this has been pregnant that is all our fear). Not only was I cramping….I started bleeding. I was in so much pain I had to call my husband and have him pick me up from my job and go directly to the ER.
I was trying to stay positive, but in my heart I just knew the little person I just found out about was no longer there. Darren on the other hand was so positive and encouraging. I so wish I could download his spirit and I am forever thankful that God gave him to me. If at any time it’s been confirmed that I want Darren by my side in good and bad times…spending 6 hrs in the ER worried you’re misscarrying is one of those times.
They ran a million tests…and the result…it’s too soon to tell. My HCG levels were 1119..putting me @ 5 wks..which is where I should be. But I have to follow up with my doctor in 2 days..if those levels double..baby Smith is a fighter and still holding strong..if the levels rise slightly I’m at risk for an ectopic pregnancy..if they drop off..I lost the baby.
I honestly never thought about pregnancy..and pregnancy complications. Daniel’s conception,pregnancy and delivery were all super textbook. Now I truly understand what a miracle that entire process was. I hate I took it for granted.
Right now…I’m holding onto a few scriptures. I wrote them down yesterday morning..even before I knew this was coming. Maybe it can encourage someone else…
Psalm 112:7 They will have no fear of bad news, their hearts are steadfast;trusting in the Lord
Psalm 56:3 Even when I am afraid I will put my trust in You
I samuel 1:27 I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him
Writing helps me release negative emotions..that’s what this blog is. It’s not easy to speak about (I cry everytime) but writing helps me logically disect this and stay focused. I ask for prayers..but most importantly I ask that you reprioritize your life and your loved ones. I promise..that laundry and dishes that were on my mind yesterday morning have fallen to the wayside lol.
Eyes towards heaven,
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
I have been married now for almost eight months, sometimes I still cannot believe I am married, other times I can’t remember my life before I allowed my heart to love my husband. Through my marriage God has been really pulling somethings out of me..mostly..ME lol things that need to be removed before He can truly have reign over my life. Being married..being accountable to another person has been the greatest & hardest thing I have ever in my life committed to do. Fortunately for me, God did not allow me to marry a clone; I married someone not my complete opposite but some one that for sure sees and does things differently than I would/do. This has allowed for some pretty interesting discussions to say the least lol *Remember one of my goals is to be a Proverbs 31 Woman*
God started tugging on my heart this week and asking me to answer the question of why I got married. It’s easy to say I got married because I love Darren (which is truth), but is there something even deeper than expressing my feelings of love for my husband? Why did I truly say..from this day forward just you and me kid? I saw him as a wonderful father, attentive boyfriend, and respectful son to his parents..while all those things are wonderful (and in my case very needed and necessary) those are all reasons that are about him and not me. As a woman, why did I want to become a wife..not what do I want or desire in a partner became my new quest. When I looked on the surface most of my reasons were about my needs, but what about my ministry? Yes ministry, as a wife I have a duty to protect my husband’s heart; to represent God’s love to him even when I feel a “certain kind of way”. If I focus on the external reasons for marrying him..I will always feel left out, because what if one day he has a hard day at work and isn’t so attentive (remember that’s one of the things I listed as a need) will I still choose to uphold the banner of love and respect..or will I hold onto a grudge? The more I focus on another person’s actions ( abuse excluded) it can be hard for me to love like I need to love. God commands us to love the unloveable; if I can’t begin to walk in this Word in my home..my walk is a fraud. I can’t be kind to those outside my home and war with my husband (who is actually now a part of me). So I decided to really see what God says about marriage.
While researching love, marriage and God’s plan for wives; God lead me to a really cool website and and even more touching article: http://abiblicalmarriage.com/why-i-choose-to-respect-my-husband-even-when-he-doesnt-deserve-it/
It really was eye-opening for me especially the ten suggestions on how to respect your husband. My favorite suggestion was number one:
- Be more concerned with your walk with the Lord, rather than your husband’s. You are his wife, not his Holy Spirit.
This was something I read in the book Power of a Praying Wife (which I did not finish) and I just couldn’t completely get passed this…if I am hurting or upset how can I not look at the actions of who hurt me? What I am learning is one I know my husband’s heart and he would never do anything to purposely hurt or harm me. Two, the very millisecond I take my eyes off of God and try to mold my husband into MY image…I make him and idol and I discredit God’s handiwork. My only job is to be faithful and remember my First Love and Husband: GOD
New International Version (NIV)
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.
So, now I am focused on doing things that would please my Heavenly Husband..which in turn will bring good and not harm to my Earthly husband.
Peace and love
Well..it’s that time of year again…the Rad7even review. I would like to say that this year was the year of release for me. I let a lot of things go this year (people, places and things) and I am feeling much lighter as I enter this third year. Releasing can be very painful. I cried an awful lot this year..more than I have in quite some time. I finally let go of two people that were really hurting my growth as a woman. These people I expected to act a certain way because of the title/position they held in my life and they just didn’t. I realize (and accept) that I have no control over what people do, but I have control over my reactions. I also realize that you have to let people be whoever they want to be. Even if you see what you believe is a better version, life or path..you have to respect the choices of others..even the bad ones. Those are their decisions to make and I am not responsible for anyone else’s failures or even successes. That last part has been the absolute hardest lesson for me to learn..but I am finally understanding.
Here’s a list of my 2012 goals:
1) Build Radical faith-This year I believe I did step out on faith; I entered a relationship near the end of Rad year 1 and married in the middle Rad year 2. I moved, switched jobs and pretty much completely changed every aspect of my life. I felt lead to make each step. I had to declare things over my life and I am seeing the fruits of my labor.
2) “out of love” another goal this year is to love how God would have us to love. -I have worked really hard to do everything out of love..the only motive i had was to really help others. I learned the most important step of “out of love” is to accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be. And even loving people enough to step back and watch them from a distance pursue their passions.
3)read the Bible all the way through this year.- this goal..didn’t go AT ALL.. I don’t even think I read a book of the Bible all the way through this year. I have a really bad habit of bouncing around and reading things at a whim..which means I have no clue what areas I’m rereading and what areas are new. Next year I think I will try to have an actual Bible study plan.
4) Allow Daniel to explore his surroundings- I have taken Daniel to museums, zoos, on train rides, libraries etc. I have worked hard to get him out and about. My husband and his biological father also helped with with this goal . My husband and I even started teaching Daniel how to swim and ride a bike this year. So I feel really great about this goal.
5) Explore and hone my passion-moving to a new city allowed me to reevaluate what I really am passionate about. I joined a few different organizations to really see what Birmingham has to offer and I must say that I did find out what my passion is: children. I have always loved working with youth, but now that I work almost exclusively with adults I realize that although I love my job I really would like to work with more youth.
6) Have Daniel to recognize sight words- This goal is probably about a “c”. He does recognize quite a few words, but I was advised by a teacher friend to focus on phonics first. SMH..i know that’s how I started yet somehow forgot. So this goal went well, but I probably went at it backwards. .
7) Fully embrace my “natural”,- So..I actually “wore” my natural hair for about a month. I never truly embraced my relaxed hair because I always had someone else do it..so honestly the natural hair journey has been overwhelming and I am honestly lazy. It takes so much more work to do my hair, but i have learned how to flat twist and do twist outs..SO I did learn a little something-something. My hair is actual to my collarbone; so I made the hair length goal as well.
As I enter year three, I have some very specific goals that I want to really work on. Thanks for following along thus far..see ya next year!
A picture says a thousand words..I think the above picture tells a lot about how I was feeling that day..beyond happy 🙂
I have done one of the most radical things in my life..the “cat lady” married my best friend.
The last entry I wrote, everything seemed to be falling a part, but this entry is how God put everything together. Let me set the scene, the enemy attacked my and my then fiance’s finances, health, co parenting etc etc you name it something was going on. BUT God knew the desires of our hearts and how we both were working diligently to bring Him glory. The following Scripture says it all:
11 With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. 12 We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.- II Thessalonians 1:11
I had the desire for a wedding, nothing over the top, but something where all the people who loved us and who we loved could join us on a day to celebrate. It was vitally important to me, because so many people live far away and esp with HIS having ALL of us in one place happens very rarely now adays. But alas, after months of planning, dress shopping, bridal dress shopping, pricing invitations, venues, caterers and party favors the math was just not adding up for Darren and myself. Being married to him was even more important than the wedding itself so we decided that the courthouse would be our destination. I was slightly bummed because I bought the absolutely most beautiful dress months before and I thought it might be too much for a courthouse wedding. So the date was set for Feb 15th and although both Darren and I were excited to marry each other..something still felt like it was missing. Literally three weeks before our wedding date, I sat in my office in one of my bridal moods bemoaning the fact that we wouldn’t have the ceremony we planned when my angels, I mean co workers, came in and stated that they saw my heart and wanted to assist in any way..meaning they would plan the ENTIRE reception for Darren and myself as a wedding gift… *let’s pause here* I said co-workers..meaning that these are people that have known me less than two years..yet they wanted to plan the BIGGEST day of my life..how awesome is that. They got to work immediately and pulled in our families and HIS and by golly the reception was planned without the bride (me) losing her mind. The next obstacle was finding a photographer; with such a short time frame (and budget) we just could not seem to find relief in this area, but alas a few short days before the ceremony another co worker volunteered to do the pictures for the reception (happy dance).
The day of our wedding was absolutely beautiful; the tempreature was just right and the sun was shinning. Not only that my HIS was accompaning me to the courthouse to be a part of the celebration! The judge who married us was extremely sweet and God-fearing, he gave us Godly advice and even offered to marry us..get this OUTSIDE! He even let my father “give me away” and do the opening prayer which is just like every single ceremony I’ve been a part of. I was able to have all the aspects of our ceremony the people we loved, plus a beautiful venue, plus traditional happenings. Praise GOD! ontop of that when Darren and I walked outside a photographer (just happened to be there) and she took the pictures for FREE (we have to order them of course LOL) and now we have pictures for both the wedding and the reception.
Let I remind you..we had zero photographers before that day. And now we have TWO. everything was literally magical for me that day. And I thank GOD that He not only wrote this love story for me, but gave me the desires of my heart for the actual wedding day. It took the help of a lot of people..who I can’t even begin to properly thank, but I will try. Since this post is soooo super long I think I might do that at a later date, but I SOOOO appreciate everyone’s sacrifices of gas, time, money it did not go unnoticed 🙂