Archive for November, 2014
Two of my big goals this year focus on re-directing my thinking. One was to get a handle on my road rage. Drivers make me so angry because it puts me in danger. But letting my anger take me over is not healthy nor is it very Christian. So my first step was to tell myself that these people weren’t trying to hurt me and put myself in their places. I thought of reasonable excuses why they would do certain activities that might be dangerous. I also asked God to help calm my heart. Rerouting my thoughts came pretty easily—unless I’m not feeling well. I fail miserably then but I keep pushing.
I am also working on my cynical nature. I find it interesting that I have such issues. I work in an industry that requires empathy, understanding and passion. But when people talk or I read articles and things I always jump to not believing them. This doesn’t happen with those I am close to. I have learned that I can trust them.
Part of it comes from not being able to trust and life teaching me that people do not have your best interest at heart. Disappointments have hardened my heart. And now it’s time to soften it; to work on trusting humanity as a whole instead of just a handful of people who have earned it.
This is slow going but I catch myself. It happens the most when I’m reading. Prime example: I’ve been reading a horse book, and when people claim all kinds of things, I just v roll my eyes and say “yeah right!”. But these things can be done, and I shouldn’t just jump to conclusions that they are lying, boasting or exaggerating.
So these goals are coming along. I just keep my eyes on God and keep pushing to be a better Christian.
Fall is officially here and as I’ve written about many times before fall is my season for change. Some big changes always happen around this time. I’ve found out about new jobs, new babies, got engaged, lost a baby, etc. all during this season.
This fall/winter I am looking forward to bringing new life into the world through my precious Lennon. I haven’t talked much about preparing for birth and since one of my goals is complete turn around in my thinking, I thought I would share my thoughts.
I’ve been working on mentally preparing both my body and mind for birth for about two months. I’ve been working on some hypnobirthing techniques and am really empowered and encouraged by what the mind can do. I plan on a completely natural birth with Lennon and look forward to the experience. I had a pretty unassisted slightly medicated birth with Daniel and I hate I didn’t stick to my original plan. I planned to do a completely natural birth with him, but after 6 hours of labor I asked for pain meds intravenously. If I had really been focused I would have realized that the closer contractions meant my baby was coming, but I panicked and actually stopped breathing through the contractions which in turn caused more pain. The pain meds actually did little to alievate the pain, it just calmed me down and slowed my contractions which probably prolonged my labor.
Side note – I’m not one of those women who looks down on other women who have medicated births or have no desire whatsoever to even try natural labor. Your experience is just that, yours. As long as the baby and you make it through the journey happy and healthy more power to you.
I also will not feel guilty if I do decide to get pain meds either; a birthing plan is just that..a plan and can be altered at any point.
For me, this is more about empowerment. I was unable to do anything with my pregnancy with Baby Smith, absolutely everything was out of my control. I’m hoping through Lennon’s birth I’ll be better at being my own advocate, which I did not do previously. I felt I should have asked more questions and not have ensured the 4 plus weeks of emotional and physical pain I endured during that time. But thats neither here nor there.
I just want trust that God has equipped me with everything I need in my doctors, support system and most importantly in my own body.
Here’s to a healthy delivery #5moreweeks
I can’t tell you how excited I am to see November 1, October seemed so very long. One reason was because my sweet son Daniel had a bout of seizures on October 12. I was awakened at 140 am to Daniel seizing in his sleep, now if you followed my story you will note back in March 2012 Daniel had a febrile seizure. Which he’s had about 4 more since then. I know exactly what to do. Time the seizure, take his temp, give him motrin and monitor him for 24 hours.
So, I watched over him while he seized (so hard to do) and took his temp…his temp was normal. This sent up red flags. I immediately called Children’s Hospital, my mother and Ladarren so I could figure out what to do. We decided the best course of action was to bring him in immediately. By this time Daniel was back to his normal self calling me names and being goofy.
We head to the hospital not knowing the entrance we always used closes at 9 pm, we arrived before 3am. While walking to find the next entrance, Daniel has another seizure. Thank God I was holding his hand or he might have hit his head on the concrete. All I could do was cry. There was a gentleman who was leaving work at the hospital that Ladarren chased down to ask him for directions to the emergency room entrance. Thank God for him as well. He got into a vehicle with strangers and guided us to where we needed to be. Once inside they take Daniel’s vitals and the waiting game begins.
We get a room 40 minutes later and wait some more. They monitor Daniel for several hours and he seems ok. At 9am they discharge us, I am signing my last paper when Daniel has another seizure. That’s 3 with NO fever, I knew something was really wrong. The great thing about this one is, the nurse witnessed it and timed it.
Long story short we were referred back to the neurologist and after testing Daniel was diagnosed with childhood Epilepsy. The big “e” word, something I honestly feared from his first febrile seizure. I couldn’t believe the diagnosis. The good thing is Daniel could potentially grow out of this (which is my prayer), but even if he doesn’t I needed to not be afraid. The first few days afterwards, I didn’t let him do his normal activities, which was probably like prison for a very active 4 year old.
I soon realized that I couldn’t let the diagnosis change Daniel’s world, that’s worse than the actual diagnosis. Do we need to be more alert Absolutely, but I Don’t want fear to limit him. I prayed, did research and had a dear friend connect me with another mother whose son has epilepsy as well.
God allows certain trials and although I enjoyed the ignorance of not having the actual label for the disorder before, that changes nothing. This is what we deal with, this is our lot. He now takes s daily medication and seems to be totally fine. He may never have another. I will never know for sure, but regardless I entrust him to my Heavenly Father
Prayer Warrior Mommy,