Archive for February, 2012
I am a sociologist at heart..I always have been,even before my title. Social mores, formation (and dissolution) of relationships have always fascinated me. Needless to say now that I am dating again I’m noticing some fallacies in my thought process…which might also be someone else’s. So I thought I would share what I feel God has been revealing tome (for those keeping score at home-this goal falls under the read and question things daily). Due to my rad7even goals it is my job to question anything I feel was ingrained in me, why? Because I believe it is just as important to know why you believe what you believe as it is to know what you believe. Any who, from the time a young girl opens her mouth to cry her entrance into the world I.e. birth she is usually told she’s a princess, she’s special, she’s beautiful and she’s important.
Now on the surface these are amazing statements and in the eyes of God this is true. He made us unique, special..He gave us purpose outside of Him life has no meaning. The problem occurs when women take this same “I’m special, I’m a princess approach” in the dating world. (Disclaimer-I am not saying women should be with jerks, but rather have a more realistic view of themselves in a relationship) here’s the deal…this little girl now grown woman will not be special to everyguy she dates. There are some guys that may never call her after their first date, may not answer her texts and may not even remember her if he were to run into her in public. That’s normal and it happens to everyone. To prove this let me ask, have you ever been out and someone called you by name, came up to chat for awhile (asked about your mom,child or job) and walked away..and you had no clue who that person was??? See that person didn’t register because…well, honestly they didn’t 1) make an impression on you 2) didn’t make it into your top 5 most important people.
In the midst of my research (and I have researched-from interviewing male friends, reading male perspective blogs and other findings from other sociologist looking at the phenomena we call dating) most men will date multiple women at a time before he actually selects the one he wants to settle down with. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but by in large I’ve seen it more so that a man will date until he makes up in his mind that he is ready to settle down. And in doing so he will have a pool of potential applicants. This doesn’t always mean a million other girls it could be just two, but he does have options. I find this to be totally different from how most women date. From what I’ve seen,read (and done) even if a woman has let’s say 3 potentials she will probably wittle out two even before the one she wants actuallychooses her. For example, Samantha is dating tom,shon and Patrick.Patrick has everything samantha thinks she wants although they haven’t been dating long (less than 90 days esp if she’s sleeping with patrick). Samantha is more likely to either stop talking to shon and tom (or dramatically decrease contact) once she feels patrick is the “one”. Even before she has had the “where’s this relationship going” convo.or worse even if Patrick tells her right now he doesn’t want a relationship. She is more likely to spend just as much time (if not more) with patrick because she assumes that if he spends more time with her, her awesomeness will change his mind. And again if she’s sleeping with him she’s already connected to him on a deeper level(in her mind). This is why sex can really confuse situations when there’s no commitment (esp. Not being married).
While Patrick on the other hand might be dating samantha,trina, nicole and heather. Patrick is more likely to continue to date almost equally all four until one really begins to “outshine” the others. I find this absolutely fascinating. The reason why some women end up with broken hearts might be found in the fact that she emotionally connected with someone before he earned that privlege. I can only speak for me, but if I like you, am nice to you, want to be with you..I assume the same should be true of the person all this emotional energy is going to. But it might not. Every person thinks (or should think) they are awesome why would someone not wanna be with me? Truth is everyone is looking for something different. Although Samantha is college educated, with a good job and no kids, Patrick might choose Nicole who is still in undergrad (for the past 8 years) has two children and still is undecided about her future..simply because a career minded woman might not be on the top of his list. His top priority is a woman who is family oriented and has a traditional view on relationships. But if samantha found out that patrick dumped her for Nicole..she will immediately run through the check list of why she’s better than Nicole. And this if we let it take root will birth a major insecurity in Samantha.
On paper you might think you are better than whoever, but each person has different qualities they are looking for. It is human to question a rejection because that goes against I’m awesome everyone should like me thought process lol. But its part of dating (fortunately-sometimes you don’t know what you’re being saved from). One guy I dated on and off for years married someone else during our off cycle. After a year and a half of marriage I found out his wife was divorcing him due to domestic violence. When I was dating him he never put his hands on me, but now that I know the signs of an abuser (being controlling and manipulative) I def see his potential for beating a woman. Had things been different.. I would have been in a life altering situation.
Besides the Ike Turner that I mentioned above, I’ve dated some really amazing guys, but they were not right for me. My ex fiance’ on paper was great,but as we grew- we didn’t grow together. In fact our personalities were very different and overall didn’t mesh in the grand scheme of things. This goes back to my premise, all women won’t be special to every guy just like every guy won’t be special to every women. As women I think we need to be more selective about who we allow in our hearts. Just because he seems to have everything you want it might not be everything you need. I trust that when the time is right that special person will be revealed to me through Christ and I will be revealed to him as well. Until then like the Bible says I will guard my heart. I am open to meeting new people,but not open to let just anyone in my life. That man has to earn that right. Anyway this is just some of my observations..comment below if you agree/disagree or just wanna talk!
I’m special..to that right one
Hello!! I don’t what to call this blog since I don’t have much to write about today (my life isn’t that interesting lol). I guess by starting off with how my week been, by week started off rocky being that my bf and I had an argument earlier this week. The argument him and I had has been on my mind all week..
I been feeling like a walking zombie. I worked A LOT this week and I’m still tired. I tried to play catch up on my sleep but I don’t think I had enough. I remember one of my friends asking me about my sleep habits and I thought I got enough sleep but I’m not realizing that I’m not. I’m a night owl so I usually go to bed around 3a.m.-4a.m. I think I have to change my sleep schedule…try to go to bed earlier..not like 11p.m. time of early but be in the bed before 2a.m. I have to work on it..When I get on my Youtube, e-mail, and FB there isn’t any telling what time I’ll be going to bed…lol..
Tonight, I have to go to bed earlier since I have to be at work tomorrow morning. Yesterday was ok. I volunteered, stopped by Winn-Dixie to get my co-worker something for her B-Day which is Monday, put up flyers for my sorority rush around campus, and had a teleconference call w/ my friends, and oh I did laundry too..lol..Thats pretty much my week..I hope have more to talk about next week! Until next time!
I am a quote person..hearing words of wisdom summed up in bite sized morsels always makes my heart sing..it energizes me..strenthens me. The above quote is from a framed picture I bought this morning during my lunch break. It spoke to me..we can pray and pray and pray but without belief its pretty much pointless. Its like saying there’s a car behind door number 1, yet because the door is close I refuse to open it…I’ve just missed out on a car. I’ve been reading and studying more on trusting God and faith.
And I realized something a bit tragic, I live far below my standard. Not talking about finances (although I can be quite the penny pincher) but I mean the dreams that I have for my life are very..what’s the word.*thinking man pose* I guess if I had to describe my faith walk as a food it would be white bread..typical no real flavor enough to sustain you but not enough to tickle your pallet for anything more. I want to be….more gumbo like with my faith..some of this sprinkled with prayer a dash of hope um..I think you get my metaphor. That being said I decided to step out of my comfort zone and embrace two things one if I really want something and feel lead to have it..ima start walking in that knowledge. For most of my life I’ve always been a leader by default..someone else didnt/couldnt/wouldn’t do something I would step in..even if I actually wanted to be the leader. I’ve always second guessed my ability. But now I want to fully embrace the woman God has made me and two) face and conquer fear. 98% of the things I worry about never ever happen..and even if they did what good would me worrying do? I would spend precious energy that I could use to actually solve the problem..worrying about the problem..see how counterproductive that is??
So I am pushing myself for the rest of the year…pray and believe wonderful things for my life and those around me. I mean look at this rad7even journey..it started out rocky for most but I see how God has blessed each effort of the HIS women. If only we would have faith for soooo much more. He is able to do above all of what we say or think. We don’t serve a half-stepping God..He’s the God of overflow..and thank You God that you are.
Unlocking the door,
NO its not SLIM SHADY.
It’s Gem! I literally feel like I need to re-introduce myself since it’s been almost a month since I blogged. Firstly I apologize my beauties but I guess I am very happy to report that the main reason I have not blogged is because I am so insanely busy writing due to the massive amount of paperwork I have for my job. There are a series of deadlines that I cannot miss and so I always have something due literally on a daily basis. I have been all typed out to say the least but I want to take the time today to ask for your forgiveness and join me in prayer as I rededicate myself to the blog. I have not however neglected for one moment my Rad7 goals! I am slowly making progress and honestly God’s grace has overwhelmed me. Six months ago I was at a very dark place, I had given up alot of hope. At the time when I started this blog I was so unsure and filled with doubt. It took every thing in me not to back out of RAD7 literally for the first 3 months. I envisioned telling my girls that I just don’t think I could do this. But I stuck with it and you better believe for the next 7 years (and beyond) you are stuck we me.
I have great news to report -One of my goals was to secure my own place. That meant that I had to find a job and save up some money. Thankfully on DEC 13th the Lord blessed me with secure full time employment after a 6month search. When I got the job I challenged God, I said to him “Lord I refuse to pay storage fees for my stuff for the 1st of March.” I asked for the apartment search to lead me to a place that is comfortable, quiet and near my place of employment. Now watch lovelies, watch what our God did for me. My place of employment moved at the beginning of Februaury to another city and lo and behold I will be picking up the keys to my brand new 2bd 2ba apartment in a gated community 5 miles…yes you heard 5 miles from my place of employment. I am bowled over by how God worked it out. My move in date is March 1st and I will NOT be paying storage fees for another month. Thank you Jesus. Join me in jumping up and down.
I missed you guys so much.
Still and always will be taking it
One day at a time,
“Nothing but faith to keep me warm.” ~Mandy Moore
Last Friday, I got really down and frustrated with life. I was dealing with things at work, things at home that included my brother’s latest ankle surgery and recovery, as well as the birthday of my recently, dearly departed Ferris. I was doing well coping and handling everything, until I got a call saying we were going to cancel ourMobile trip due to weather. I knew this was the best choice because I love my friends and want them to be safe. But emotional this wreaked me. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
I couldn’t shake it. A conference call with my HIS girls, a funny movie, or hanging out with my brother couldn’t make me feel better. The next day, I was still in a funk. I was in a horrible mood and short with everyone I know. The weather continued to rain and had me stressed out about driving to part of downtown I was not familiar with. But I pushed on; knowing time with my friends would be what I needed to keep going. I put on my nice dress coat and put my directions downtown in my pocket. There was already a sheet of paper in my pocket, and I was very surprised to see what it was.
It was my ticket to the Tran Siberian Orchestra concert in December of 2010. I smiled remembering the great time my friend Renee and I had the concert. It was an amazing show and the drive allowed us to really share and bond with one another. Thinking about it really put me at peace.
All I needed was this little nudge from God. Sometimes we need big pushes or flashing signs to get what God is telling us but often a subtle nudge works just as well. Every day he gives us little reminders that we are His children and that he loves us very much. These small tokens mean big things. When I thought I didn’t have pennies in my pocket, He reminded me I had to much more. I just had to keep the faith.
The Lord will not let the godly go hungry, but he refuses to satisfy the craving of the wicked. Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers are rich.
Proverbs 10:3-4 NLT
I have been trying to get well for about 2 weeks now. Yesterday I even felt good enough to do lots of my garden work which had been piling up. Thankfully I am caught up on that and I really enjoyed doing all of the so called work. I never feel closer to God than when I am in the garden. That is probably the reason that I never put curtains on my bedroom window that faces the garden. It is a happy peaceful place for me. Unfortunately today I was back in bed sick with a fever. I decided to reread a book, written by my Aunt Bea in 1997, about our family history which is intertwined with the Church of God history. I was reminded of how lucky I am to come from people who had a real understanding of God’s word. My family has ended up with more preachers than I can count. I am a member of the Presbyterian faith now but I am very thankful for my Pentecostal roots. The things I witnessed as I grew up in a Pentecostal family taught me how real God’s power is in our daily lives. I don’t just believe in miracles. I expect them because I know God never stops intervening to shape His children’s lives. The reason I ended up in the Presbyterian Church was because of the way they reach out to the whole community. I was looking for a church that really interacted the way that I felt Jesus instructed us to do. Most churches do want to minister to people spiritually but He also said to feed, clothe, ect… even to the least of these. Showing that we care no matter what kind of a person you are is what I think every Christian should do. Last week I saw a FB post by a pastor about cleaning up the church as far as rooting out people that were not living right. That is not the kind of attitude I think a church should have. A church that only allows perfect people is a church that has missed the point. I want to be part of a church that says, “Hey look how imperfect we ALL are and look at the miracle God is doing in our hearts. Come as you are because you are welcome and loved no matter what problems you have.” So many people think they have to change before they can be accepted by a church. That is not right. People are changed by God’s power which should flow through every church. Who are we to make someone feel that they are unworthy of God’s love? If we do then we have failed big time. This is the verse that sums it up for me.
Matthew 10:8 ….Freely you have received, freely give.
I want to give to those around me because God has really blessed me. Having a servant’s heart is an important part of being a Christian and one of the most rewarding too. People can’t help but know that we belong to God when we really show His love to them. Have a blessed week.
Today, I completed the 2nd half (my last training..Thank the Lord lol) of my training for WHMC. I’m kind of nervous and excited at the same time to be a Client Advocate. I will begin next month shadowing the other client advocates. Today we went over STI’s, abortion, an overview of non-profits, abstinence, paperwork that will fill out regarding clients, the role of the client advocate and what we do, and polices/procedures of the clinic. I feel a bit overwhelmed w/ how I’m going to remember everything that I’m learning and the things I have to read in my manual. I know that God will get me through this.
I know at this moment in my life, this is what I suppose to do. Of course, I wish that I had a career in my field..but until that comes, I’ll be volunteering. I like the atmosphere of the clinic. I don’t feel that I have to compromise my morals or beliefs. I like that WHMC is a Christian ministry and that they stress having a spiritual life…They also stress praying, witnessing to clients, and relying on the Holy Spirit to guide you when you’re meeting w/ a client. I feel like I’ve been promoted being that I currently volunteer as a receptionist, now I’m more knowledgeable of what goes behind the scenes outside of scheduling appts and answering the phone. lol.. Below, I have a video that I watched earlier this week..Most of you that know me, know I love inspirational videos and that I love BronzeGoddess01 on Youtube! I’m a Youtube junkie!! Anyway I hope the video bless you and that it is confirmation for you as it was for me! God bless! ~Venus~